Even the most resilient children will struggle to some extent when their parents divorce. The change in routine, the emotional void that is left when one parent is no longer physically there in the home and the possible feeling that their actions led to the divorce can wreak havoc on a child’s psyche. Some children are relatively disengaged from the divorce and seem to be ok, but from my experience it is these children that can be especially vulnerable to allowing a divorce to affect their life profoundly.
One area that your children are especially susceptible to the stresses associated with divorce is in school. With so much of their academic performance tied to concentration and self confidence, it is no wonder that the feelings of loss that can come after a divorce impact their ability to succeed in the classroom. What occurs at home will invariably affect your children in the place that is for all intents and purposes their second home.
How can you and your ex spouse prepare your children your divorce and equip them with the mental fortitude to continue to do well in their studies? The Law Office of Bryan Fagan has tips associated with that topic in today’s blog post.
Prepare your children for the divorce, but talk to your spouse before you do it alone
Trying to keep your children insulated from the divorce proceedings is, on some level, a good thing. The divorce has nothing to do with your children and more than that it is likely that they do not have the capacity to understand the issues surrounding the divorce. What you and your spouse are going through has little to nothing to do with how much either of you love the children and what it means to you to be a parent.
With that said, keeping them completely in the dark is not a smart idea. Whether or not you choose to share any details about the divorce at all, your children will begin to notice when their mother or father is no longer living with them. That is the sort of physical void that will become apparent to them immediately, no matter their age.
With this in mind, it is good for your children to know that you and your spouse are moving forward with a divorce. It is best to do this together. Older children may be able to understand that you and your spouse are still a team when it comes to parenting. It is worthwhile for younger children as well as the older children to physically show that you are still a unit in the most important area of your life: parenting.
Your children will react in some way towards this news. Whether they take it in stride and go about their regular lives or break down emotionally, you will need to be prepared for a wide range of reactions. Having this talk with your children will not be easy, but is necessary and it will benefit you, your spouse and the children in the long run.
A word of caution here would be only share information and context that is appropriate for your children based on their age.
Obviously if you have very young children they are not capable of understanding the emotional or relational aspects of the divorce. For young children it may be enough to sit the children down, explain that either mom or dad will no longer be living with them, and to reaffirm the love and commitment of both parents no matter what change they begin to notice.
Constantly reinforce the love of both parents
I know as we get older, it is frustrating to hear something more than once. Whether it is a boss or a spouse, we begin to tune a person out once we hear the same thing out of their mouth time after time. If you are the parent of a teenager then you would probably attest to the fact that high school aged children are already adept at reacting to repetitive messaging this way.
There are some messages that bear repeating and should always be hammered home to children of all ages, however. The first is that the love of both you and your soon to be ex-spouse will never stop. Reaffirming this message is the most important that you can emphasize to your children.
Help your children understand that their feelings are important and that feeling bad is normal
Your children may feel that their own opinions of feelings of grief may not be important or noticed when you and your spouse engage in a divorce and seemingly shift attention away from the children. It should be made well known to your kids that whatever it is that they are feeling is appreciated and important to both parents.
Additionally, if your children feel hurt, neglected or just downright bad, it is normal and not something to be ashamed of. You and your spouse will be emotionally and physically available to speak to your children about their concerns at the outset of the Texas divorce. While this availability may not completely eliminate bad feelings, it can nip them in the bud and minimize their affects in other areas of their life.
Part Two of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan’s series on helping your child succeed in school after a divorce coming tomorrow
We have more to share with you all in regard to assisting your child cope with your divorce and succeed in the classroom. Please stay tuned for that blog post set to be published on our website tomorrow.
In the meantime, if you have any questions about this topic or any other in the field of family law please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan today. Our licensed family law attorneys are available six days a week to answer your questions in a free of charge family law consultation. We represent clients across southeast Texas and are proud to do so.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
Other Articles you may be interested in:
- How to help your children succeed in school after a divorce, Part Two
- Co parenting when you and your children live in different states
- How a Parenting Class Can Help Me and My Ex-spouse Co-parent in Texas?
- How to Co Parent with an Addict Ex-Spouse
- Post-Divorce Anger Issues: Co-parenting advice in difficult circumstances
- Co parenting when you and your children live in different states
- How Does Summertime Visitation Work for Divorced Parents in Texas?
- How does summer visitation work?
- 10 Quick Tips About Parental Visitation
- When Your Child's Extended Family Wants Visitation in Texas
- Supervised Visitation in a Texas Divorce: Can it happen to me?
- Grandparent Visitation Rights in Texas?
Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding Divorce, it's important to speak with one of our Houston, TX Child Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
Our Divorce lawyers in Spring TX are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles Divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.