Coming off of an emotionally intense and taxing
divorce your first instinct may be to retreat into your own thoughts and have
some “me” time without interference from others. Who can blame
you? For your entire divorce you likely had friends, family and your attorney
constantly in your ear providing you with both solicited and unsolicited
advice about a wide range of topics. Now that the divorce is over you
want nothing more than to parent your children and forget about the divorce
as quickly as possible. Today’s blog post from the attorneys with the
Law Office of Bryan Fagan will hopefully provide you some counter points to consider on this subject.
Dealing with the emotions of divorce
Like any other important event, a divorce requires you to expend some degree
of emotional energy. In some instances your divorce could have been more
or less a business transaction. Both you and your spouse agreed that it
was in the best interests of each of you to move towards a separation
and that getting it done and over with was necessary. If you all have
children, splitting their time between the two of you may have been difficult
but if the marriage wasn’t working then exposing the kids to that
situation was not ideal either.
On the other hand, your divorce could have been one where a long and sometimes
fruitful marriage came to a crashing stop. Maybe one of you didn’t
even want the divorce and there were overtures during the divorce to attempt
to attend marriage counseling. For whatever reason your marriage stopped
working and the divorce came about as a result of that. However, it was
not an easy decision to come to and the divorce itself was painful.
When you find yourself finally on the outside looking back in on a divorce
that was recently resolved a healthy step to take is to examine the feelings
and emotions you’ve felt as being real, justified and substantially
important to your being able to succeed in life after your divorce. I
can almost guarantee you that your divorce attorney did not talk to you
much about emotions, feelings and things of that nature during the divorce.
The fact of the matter is that during a divorce there are so many circumstances
at play that how you feel about a particular issue is something discussed
much. This can lead to your inability or unwillingness to do so after
a divorce as well.
Post divorce counseling as a springboard into life as a single adult and parent
Nobody would argue that your life has the ability to be just as happy,
fruitful and meaningful as a divorced person than as a married person.
In fact, it could have been that your marriage was the number one factor
that held you back from being the person or parent that you could have
been. Understanding this may be difficult, however, considering the many
emotions that you are having to sort through now in the immediate aftermath
of your divorce.
A post-divorce counselor is the sort of person who is well equipped to
speak into your life and help you do some of the sorting that we just
discussed as being so important. You made an important decision to get
a divorce and to follow through with the process as well as you could.
Now you have the opportunity to continue to make positive steps in your
life by seeking
post divorce counseling. Not getting side-tracked and focusing on what you need to
do in order to improve yourself is exactly what post-divorce counselors
do in their jobs.
How do you feel about your recently ended marriage?
Divorce was not the desired end for your marriage when it began. Of that
I am fairly sure. The change in course in your life’s trajectory
certainly justifies your wanting to reach out and talk to someone about
your marriage, your family, the divorce and where you can go from here
to ensure the mistakes that were made do not happen again.
Speaking to someone about your feelings can help you to identify what you
need to do to improve yourself and work on being the sort of person and
parent that you need to be now that you are divorced. If there are aspects
to your life that you lost as a married person that you now want to rediscover
a post divorce counselor can help you to work on this as well.
For instance, did your divorce see you making changes to yourself that
were intended to benefit your spouse more than you? Do you have interests
or ideas that your spouse did not support? Talk to your counselor about
those subjects and create a roadmap to achieving whatever personal or
professional goals that you believe are important.
Children and divorce
In the event that your children are experience hurt feelings or confusion
surrounding their lives after you and your spouse divorce then you may
be asking yourself how you can help them. Problems in school, failing
to listen to instructions at home or unexplained outbursts of emotion
can all be telltale signs of the inability of children to transition well
to a divorced family dynamic.
Children are able to attend post-divorce therapy sessions as well that
can help them to deal with their own emotions and to assist in transitioning
into a post divorce family. Their lives, like yours, will never be the
same again. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have the ability
to adapt and thrive in a new situation, though.
Questions about divorce and life thereafter? Contact the Law Office of
Experience, accountability and advocacy. That is what you get with an attorney with the
Law Office of Bryan Fagan. If you are considering a divorce please
contact our office today. A licensed
family law attorney from our office can meet with you six days a week to discuss
any questions you may have and to walk with you through the divorce process.
A consultation is always free of charge and can help provide you with
peace of mind during a time where you may feel like your world is turning