The first Thanksgiving after a divorce can feel quite different. It brings its own set of challenges and strong emotions. Not being able to spend time with your child, as outlined in the divorce agreement, adds to the complexity. And it’s the first Thanksgiving without your spouse, which can be tough. Plus, there’s the stress of finances and the possibility of nosy family members asking personal questions. For someone fresh out of a divorce, the holiday season might be a time they’d rather just breeze through without much fuss.
It does not have to be this way if you have gone through a divorce. I am not prepared to say that a divorce will always be favorable for you, your family, and most importantly, your child. However, I will say that you and your family can prepare for the events of Thanksgiving. Especially if this is your first Turkey Day as a divorced parent, you should think ahead about how to not only get through your first solo Thanksgiving, but how to make sure it is a memorable one for your child, in a positive way.
Today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, will walk you through some tips on preparing for and successfully managing Thanksgiving as a single, divorced parent. While we understand that your family may have a specific dynamic that sets you apart from most families, we believe the majority of what you read today will apply to you. As long as you approach the holiday with a flexible attitude and patience, we can parent your child and create memories in the upcoming holiday.
There’s something to be grateful for
What’s that, you say? You don’t feel too grateful? After all, you’ve just been through a difficult divorce that cost you your spouse, time with your child, and money from your pocketbook. If anyone has an excuse to feel ungrateful, it should be you.
Wrong. Each of us has things in our life that we can be grateful for. Simply being alive and standing on our feet each morning with the possibilities that life offers is reason enough to be grateful. Spending the day with your child is another reason to be grateful. I can almost promise you that you have friends in your life who have supported you during your divorce. Ditto for family. If you can take solace in these things and show gratitude on this day, that behavior can influence your child to do the same thing.
While not everything in your life is going perfectly now, there will not be a time when you will be able to say that everything is going perfectly, either. Life is about peaks and valleys. Nobody would argue that you may be going through one of the “valley” points in your life, but perk up if for no other reason than you have an opportunity to present a teachable lesson to your child in the form of how to show gratitude.
Keep things the same- as much as you can.
Everything in your life (and I mean everything) may be different on your first Thanksgiving after divorce. You may not be hosting this year’s meal like you did last year. Your spouse is no longer at home with you and your child. Family members may have had to act as witnesses in a messy divorce trial or, at the very least, have had to “pick sides” in the case. The relationship you have with your child may be changing, which has made you feel uncomfortable and uncertain of how to approach this day.
My advice would be to take whatever traditions your family practices typically and to do your best to recreate those this Thanksgiving. Try to keep a routine similar to the one that your child previously enjoyed- even if it means putting forth a little bit more effort than you would typically show. Again- your child is the person you are doing this for, not you.
Your child wants to be reassured that their family will be ok, that both their parents still love them and that some aspects of their topsy turvy life will not be altered due to the divorce. The holidays are such a particular time for kids that you have a powerful opportunity to create that sense of normalcy right here, right now.
I understand that you likely do not feel your best as the year grows shorter and our days are full of time with family and recollections and memories about your former life.
It’s enough to make you feel even worse for what you have been through and to feel pessimistic about the future that appears uncertain.
While you attempt to sort through all of the feelings that you are going through, do not forget that your child is feeling all sorts of new emotions as well. Do not dismiss those feelings as unimportant or something to suppress. Acknowledge those emotions and feelings to show your child how to healthily and effectively manage them.
Part of acknowledging their feelings is not to pave over them with “parent speak” intended to make you feel less guilty about what you and your ex-spouse have gone through. Telling your child that you understand that they feel bad is a good first step. Ignoring the issue or showing your child that things aren’t as bad as they may seem may make you feel good but probably won’t affect your child.
Your child wants to feel like you are hearing them. The only way to communicate this to your child is to engage with them directly. Make sure that they realize that you understand how they feel and will do whatever you can to make this a great holiday.
Work with your ex-spouse on making sure the holidays are a success.
Communicate with your ex-spouse about how your child is doing to see if it is possible to problem-solve with them. If you are a parent of a small child who will spend Thanksgiving with your ex-spouse, be sure to pack all clothes, toys, and other items that will make the holiday a good one for your child. Do not use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to score points against your ex-spouse. Please encourage your child to have a good time and make sure your child knows that you support them.
The first Thanksgiving following a divorce is a uniquely challenging time for individuals. With emotions running high and the dynamics of family gatherings shifting, the holiday can evoke feelings of loneliness, sadness, and anxiety. The absence of a former spouse, coupled with the complexities of custody agreements and financial strains, adds layers of difficulty to an already sensitive period. Despite the festive atmosphere, many may find themselves wishing to simply bypass the holiday season altogether. However, with support from loved ones and a focus on self-care, individuals can navigate this challenging time with resilience and emerge stronger on the other side.
Questions on handling your first Thanksgiving as a single parent? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC
Managing your first Thanksgiving with your child after divorce can be a challenging situation. However, it is a challenge that you should meet head-on. The attorneys and staff with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, work with families like yours every day. We would be honored to do the same with you. If you are currently working through a divorce, planning on filing for divorce soon, or have any questions on any area of family law, please do not hesitate to contact our office. We offer free of charge consultations six days a week.
Other Related Articles:
- Devising a Fair & Workable Child Custody Holiday Schedule in Your Parenting Plan
- The impact of Juneteenth (and other Federal Holidays) on Possession and Visitation Schedules
- Christmas Divorce: Surviving the Holidays in an Unhappy Marriage
- Spring is here! Do you have questions about holiday possession after your Texas divorce?
- Co-parenting tips for the summer and holidays
- The Holidays During Your Texas Divorce?
- Possession in Texas: Understanding the General Provisions
- Visitation Rights: Understanding and Protecting Your Parental Rights
- Understanding Child Visitation and Standard Possession Orders in Texas: A Detailed Guide by the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
- Possession and Access Schedules- impacts on Weekend Visitation and Custody in Texas
Frequently Asked Questions
How do holidays work with joint custody in Texas?
Holidays in joint custody agreements in Texas typically involve a rotation schedule. Parents often alternate major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. Specific arrangements may vary. Hence, it’s crucial to refer to your custody agreement or consult with a legal professional for personalized guidance.
What does holiday possession look like in 50-50 custody in Texas?
In a 50-50 custody arrangement in Texas, parents usually divide holiday possession evenly. This means each parent gets an equal share of holiday time with the child. The specific schedule can be detailed in your custody agreement, outlining which holidays are included and how the rotation works.
What is a typical child custody arrangement in Texas?
A typical child custody arrangement in Texas can vary but often includes joint managing conservatorship. Here, both parents share decision-making responsibilities. Physical custody may be shared equally (50-50). Or, involve one parent as the primary conservator with visitation rights for the other parent. The specifics depend on the best interests of the child and individual circumstances.
What is the 2-2-3 custody schedule in Texas?
The 2-2-3 custody schedule in Texas is a rotating schedule. One parent has the child for two days, the other parent has the child for two days, and then the first parent has the child for three days. This pattern repeats in a two-week cycle, allowing both parents to have consistent time with the child.
Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.
Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.
His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.
Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.
