Costs associated with raising special needs children

Parenting is among the most rewarding parts of an adult’s life. Raising a child, seeing them develop, and then seeing your child mature into adulthood is a tremendous joy. Any of you fellow parents who are reading this blog post are sure to agree with me. That is not to say that parenting does not present its fair share of challenges. Parenting a special needs child presents its own unique set of challenging circumstances.

If you are considering whether or not to begin a divorce or a child custody case, you should carefully consider the circumstances of your children before doing so. It is not enough for you to enter into a complicated family law case with only a vague idea of what you want and need to accomplish in your case. Instead, you need to approach your family law case with a high level of intentionality regarding goal setting. Allow yourself some time to sit quietly, without distraction, to arrive at goals for your case.

It is worthwhile to discuss the challenges that special needs parents face during a child custody or divorce case. For anyone who has raised a child, you are well aware that “challenges” may as well be another word for “costs.” Raising kids is not expensive, in and of itself, but it can be depending on your child’s needs. Let’s walk through some of your child’s requirements and then discuss how those needs translate into costs associated with raising your kiddo.

Medical costs for a special needs child

Some kids develop special medical needs at birth, while others have conditions that grow throughout their life. Of course, if you are the parent of a special needs child with medical problems, this will be the focus of your attention. Whatever your child’s unique needs are, you have learned what treatment they require regular and what extraordinary care they require during certain seasons of their life. Hopefully, a great deal of respect for your child can be done at home, where everyone is most comfortable.

I would recommend coming up with a budget for your child’s medical costs before your divorce or child custody case is set to begin. Remember how we talked about being intentional with your goal setting a moment ago? That intentionality starts here. It would help if you had a firm grasp of the medical costs that your child is likely to incur over a given time. You don’t need an estimate based on educated guesses. Instead, take your child’s past needs and costs and base your projections on what your child has already required.

Depending on how substantial the future costs of your child’s medical needs are, the way you negotiate through a divorce could be impacted. For instance, health insurance will need to be considered in the divorce. Make sure that your final decree of divorce takes into account which parent is responsible for paying health insurance. Whatever costs go over and above what health insurance covers, you all should develop a plan on how to divide those costs. The reimbursement of expenses paid by you or your spouse should be laid out, as well. Typically, parents agree to reimburse one another for costs within thirty days of paying a bill.

Finally, when it comes to medical costs, you and your spouse/co-parent need to be aware that decision-making associated with medical treatment will likely be split between the two of you. If you believe that you need to behold the exclusive right to make decisions regarding medical treatment, you should speak to your attorney about how to attack this goal. How you allocate rights and duties associated with medical care for your child can directly relate to the costs that you all incur over the long run.

Educational costs for a special needs child

The thing about educational costs for your particular needs child is that they may have increased costs in this area no matter if their impairments are primarily physical or mental. True, when we go to school, we are mainly concerned with memory, concentration, ability to process information, behavioral problems, etc. However, your child’s physical impairments may make going to school a challenge for them from a mobility perspective, as well.

Does your child require accommodations at school like a particular work area to use their wheelchair? What about a walker or crutches that allow them as much freedom of movement as possible while still allowing a fair amount of stability for walking? While your child’s school likely has many of the onsite accommodations that your child needs for a successful transition into school life, there will probably be out-of-pocket costs that you need to consider during your child custody or divorce case. How are you going to divide these up between you and your co-parent?

In addition to the physical needs of your child in school, your child may require visits to counselors and therapists outside of school. In many cases, these costs will be covered by health insurance. It would help if you verified that your child is referred to are covered by your insurance. If not, you should request an alternative referral to an in-network provider that your child can see.

Finally, if your child struggles with their studies, then you may need to consider hiring a private tutor in the future. Begin by researching your child’s needs and determine whether or not you or your co-parent would be able to offer the help your child needs. You can speak to your child’s teachers and counselors and get their opinions, as well. If you do need to hire a private tutor, it is essential that you layout costs for the tutor in your final orders.

Again- be intentional. How should many visits per month be allowed under the terms of your order? How are those costs going to be divided between you and your co-parent? Who has the final say on whether or not to continue counseling if your child’s condition improves over time? These are the sort of specific questions that you need to find answers to. Do not assume that you and your co-parent can sort these issues out over time. Take precautions when you have the time to do so during your family law case.

Negotiating through your divorce with a special needs child

Now that we have gone over the types of special needs your child may have and how those needs translate into costs for you and your co-parent, we can get into some specifics about how to negotiate through these issues in the context of your divorce. A divorce case allows us to discuss issues involving how to divide up your community estate. In contrast, a child custody case does not include any shared property between you and your co-parent.

How the community estate is ultimately divided up between you and your co-parent can significantly impact your particular needs child. Let’s walk through a possible scenario that may sound like something similar to what you and your family are going through in your actual divorce.

You have been a stay-at-home parent for the past seventeen years since your child was born with a range of special needs that do not allow him to take care of himself on any level. Therefore, you quit your job to tend to his every need. You have a high school education and had thought about starting community college coursework before you got pregnant and gave birth to your son. Your past work experience was as a secretary and administrative assistant.

When you married your husband nearly twenty years ago, you worked those jobs to help put him through law school. Your son was born was also the year your husband graduated from school, passed his Bar exam, and then started work as an attorney. Over the years, your husband has developed his practice to the point where he is a successful lawyer in your community. He has been the breadwinner for your family, and you have cared for your home and your son.

This past summer, your husband filed for divorce from you. It came as a shock, not only because he is ending your marriage, but because you have not worked in two decades and are concerned about how you will house and care for your unique needs son. If you were to find yourself in these sort of circumstances, what issues should you be aware of as you approach your divorce?

For starters, you need to make sure that you and your child can survive in the years following your divorce. If your son requires you to care for him around the clock, you should consider what options are available through your health insurance. Is it possible for you to have someone come in to care for your son while you go back to school or go to work? Decide what options are available to you in order, so you know how to prepare yourself for a post-divorce life with your son.

Next, you and your attorney need to determine the best way to go about negotiating a division of your community property estate. If you are charged with taking care of your son after the divorce, then you are likely in a position where you can ask for a disproportionate share of your community estate. This means you would receive more than 50% of the estate in the divorce property division. Since your spouse has a more excellent ceiling on earning an income than you do, it makes sense that you should be awarded more of the community estate. You can invest money for your retirement years, for the future care of your child, or liquidate an asset if you need an immediate infusion of cash into your bank account.

Another option for you to consider is whether or not spousal maintenance or contractual alimony is possible instead of being awarded a disproportionate share of your community estate. Spousal maintenance is available when you have been married to your spouse for more than ten years. In the alternative, you and your spouse can negotiate for contractual alimony no matter how long you have been married. Spousal maintenance lengths are typically determined by how long you have been married, so speak to your attorney about what you may be able to negotiate for.

Finally, I would recommend considering whether child support is necessary in your case even after your child reaches adulthood. Typically, child support ends when your child turns eighteen or graduates from high school, whichever occurs later. Given your child’s unique needs, however, you may want to negotiate for child support to extend for some time beyond their eighteenth birthday. Balance your need to request the age of majority child support against your ability to arrange for a disproportionate share of the community estate as well as post-divorce spousal maintenance/contractual alimony.

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