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People frequently discuss the intersection of a midlife crisis and divorce in our culture. Often, it manifests as someone seeking new employment, a fresh perspective, or even a new spouse. The challenge with a midlife crisis is that it forces individuals to confront some harsh truths and less-than-ideal realities about their lives.
A midlife crisis often presents itself as a pivotal moment where you confront choices that could alter the course of your life. These changes may stem from shifts in your career or the trajectory of a family law case. No matter what, you can be sure that the decisions you make about these changes will influence your family a tremendous amount.
A midlife crisis does not have to occur at any time around the middle point of your life. This means that any of us can encounter A midlife crisis no matter if we are in our 40s, 30s, or 50s. There is ample opportunity for us to evaluate the trajectory of our lives and two determine what direction we should go in. For those of us who are married, this often means evaluating our marriage to decide whether its future seems promising or bleak. Being able to honestly consider this question means that we are hopefully well in tune with our spouse and the state of our relationship. The question that you need to ask yourself is how a divorce will improve the quality of your life and that of your family.
Divorce is no quick fix
When you consider a divorce, it needs to be said that it is not an overnight process whatsoever. The fact is that we live in a microwave society. We expect everything to be done quickly. We want our food fast we want to purchase homes with relatively little down and we have no problem putting our bills on credit cards. When it comes to our health the entire health care industry it seems is based on taking a pill versus improving our metabolic health. This means that long-term solutions are often overshadowed by short-term fixes that may not be as enduring or effective.
So, if you are considering a divorce as a possible outlet for your midlife crisis then you need to be sure that this is the best decision for your family. It is not a quick fix or something that will begin to yield results for you in a short fashion. Rather, a divorce is something that takes a relatively long period to sort through and has many difficulties as a part of the process along the way. Therefore, if you’re the type of person who craves immediate results then your divorce will probably not meet those expectations.
A line from a TV show that I found to be incredibly true goes something like this: happiness is the moment before you want more happiness. In other words, at the moment that we believe we have finally achieved happiness or contentment, we are only moments away from desiring more happiness or more contentment. Happiness is in short supply, but it is also something that we have a never-ending desire for.
Midlife crisis and divorce: seeking change or finding contentment
Just when you think you have found happiness or are content in doing something you will find that the little voice inside your head begins calling for more happiness or a different set of circumstances. All in all, that midlife crisis may just be another instance of you believing the grass is greener or that you need a change of scenery to be happy. The more you understand your family, your spouse, and your circumstances, the more you can trust that your decision to seek a divorce is based on valid reasons.
The risk that you run in filing for divorce as part of a midlife crisis is that by filing for divorce you have set yourself up for a long difficult journey that may not yield the results that you wanted. True, the outcome of your case might be that you and your spouse are no longer married. However, you may find that this does not bring the contentment you expected. He may arrive at even more questions that you do not have answers to.
An analogy that I like to use when it comes to people who are unsure of divorce and are searching for answers generally in their lives is that we can look at the force like a person who always seeks to travel when facing difficult life circumstances. We all know, or maybe we are that person, who has an insatiable wanderlust. This means that a person has a never-ending desire to travel to new places and experience new things.
The reality of a midlife crisis and divorce: you can’t escape yourself
It could be that many people who have this wanderlust simply have a desire to escape their reality and physically find themselves someplace new. Whether or not this describes you it’s up for you to determine. However, at the end of the day, the person who loves to travel will always find that the cause of and solution to all their problems was with them the entire trip. No matter what corner of the globe you escape to the one thing that you cannot escape is yourself.
By the same token, when you are filing for divorce because of a midlife crisis you can physically and relationally separate yourself from your spouse, but you cannot separate yourself from your past or the decisions that you have made. Rather than filing for divorce as a reaction to
If some fear or other concern of yours why not talk to your spouse to determine whether he or she can help you alleviate your concerns and become happier within your family unit? It could be that you do need a divorce for whatever reason. In that case, the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are here to assist you. However, it may also be that you do not need a divorce but rather need to reevaluate your circumstances and determine how to make your marriage work better so that you and your spouse can help each other build on prior successes and overcome whatever difficulties you may have encountered in your lives.
How a divorce can help solve the midlife crisis
On the other hand, a divorce may be the answer to the midlife crisis that you are going through. There are valid reasons for seeking a divorce. While many people are married, some situations make divorce a justified choice. With that said, you should consider the reasons why you want to divorce and then determine whether the divorce is the only way to accomplish what you believe that you need to accomplish.
Also, please bear in mind that there are competing interests in your life beyond your desire for happiness or contentment. Certainly, the lives of your children under the age of 18 are going to be impacted by this divorce. You should think long and hard about whether the divorce accomplishes what you believe is necessary for you to find contentment in your life and whether or not being true is still a worthy goal despite the challenges that will be coming alongside it when it comes to your children.
You may hear from different attorneys or legal advisers that children are resilient or that children can bounce back quickly from a divorce. While that may be true for your family it just as easily may not be true. You need to consider you were specific circumstances and the needs of your child when determining whether a divorce is something that your family can handle, quite frankly. Many children struggle a great deal when it comes to changes in their routine or with handling the challenges of family dynamics that may be different from time to time. Whether or not this reality changes your willingness to get divorced is up to you. With that said, it is certainly a topic that you should at least consider as you determine your next steps.
Evaluating your marriage: when divorce may be the right step
As we mentioned a moment ago, you and your spouse may have legitimate problems in your marriage. Sometimes, divorce can help a family facing genuine issues when dialogue or counseling fails to resolve them. Often, couples can work through their problems by engaging in counseling or managing their expectations together. We may become so absorbed in our daily routines that we overlook our spouse’s similar concerns. Working through these issues together can remind us of the reasons we got married in the first place. However, in some cases, it also highlights the underlying problems, making divorce a necessary next step.
What you can do to determine where you are in this type of analysis is to make an effort to talk to your spouse before you decide on the divorce. For those of you who are convinced that a divorce is necessary then you should think critically about the process and look into what the divorce will do for your family. In the short term, there is not much that a divorce will accomplish that is positive. Exceptions to this would be if you are in an abusive situation and a divorce can set up a protective or temporary order that bars your spouse from being able to enter your home. Otherwise, there are aspects to a divorce that will not immediately yield anything resembling happiness or contentment for you.
Why dating during divorce can complicate your case
A divorce almost certainly means that you will be taking time away from your family to spend more time on the divorce case itself. The same is true for your work and social life. Filing for divorce does not give you free rein to go and start dating, either. From our experiences representing a wide variety of people in very different situations, our attorneys can tell you that a common reason why people begin the divorce process is that in their minds it is then OK for them to start dating another person.
While people do date during divorce we cannot tell you that this is a good idea. It can be harmful to your case, your children, and your finances, and can be harmful to you personally. It is not a great idea to try dating during your divorce. You should wait until your divorce is finalized before starting to date. You won’t be officially divorced until a judge signs the final decree. Until that point, it’s wise to hold off on dating.
When you find yourself in a marriage where you and your spouse are unable to communicate with one another and your children are suffering as a result then filing for divorce may make sense. An important point to raise at this stage is that just because you are filing for divorce does not mean that your relationship with your spouse will come to an end. This is especially true if you both have minor children together. In that case, the two of you are going to need to continue to work together or even begin to work together for the first time when it comes to raising your children. Living in separate households will only add to the challenges surrounding this scenario.
Conclusion
Navigating a midlife crisis and divorce simultaneously can be an incredibly challenging experience. It requires facing uncomfortable truths about oneself and one’s life, which can be both daunting and transformative. While the journey through a midlife crisis might prompt significant changes in career, relationships, and personal outlook, it is essential to approach these transitions with self-awareness and thoughtful consideration. Embracing this period as an opportunity for growth and renewal, rather than merely a crisis, can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced future. By understanding the complexities of this phase and seeking support where needed, individuals can emerge stronger and more aligned with their true selves.
Final thoughts on divorce and midlife crises
Nobody at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan knows exactly what you and your family are going through at this very moment. Today’s blog post has been an attempt to apply general information to the specific circumstances of your life. However, we have no way of knowing exactly what you are going through. While a divorce should not necessarily be your first option to choose from when going through a crisis in your life it may end up being the option that works best for your family.
Evaluating whether divorce truly resolves your issues
For those of you who are seriously considering a divorce currently, you are right to give the subject some serious consideration but to also be prudent about whether or not it is actually in your best interest to move forward with a divorce case. Often, divorce does not necessarily simplify the issues you believe it will resolve. Rather, what ends up happening in many circumstances is that the divorce only adds to the crisis that you are experiencing and can make your life more stressful and less full of peace.
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are in a unique position where we can help you see through the difficult circumstances of your life and make a fair determination about how a divorce can stand to improve the quality of your life overall. We do not approach a consultation with a prospective client from the perspective of needing to sell anyone on the divorce process being in a person’s best interests. We do not know how to give advice or information until we learn more about your specific circumstances.
Contact us today for a free consultation about your divorce options
To do that, we recommend that you reach out to our office today. We can quickly arrange for a free-of-charge consultation with one of our experienced family law attorneys. These consultations will allow you to give us feedback and information that can help guide you better when it comes to figuring out the next best step for you to take. It is not a foregone conclusion that just because you are experiencing difficulties in your marriage you will need to get a divorce. Again, the answer to everyone’s problem is not to run out and get a divorce as quickly as possible.
However, until you reach out to our office and speak to one of our attorneys about your situation you will never know our opinion on how to move forward, if at all, towards a divorce. We thank you for spending time with us today on our blog and hope that you will join us again soon. We post unique and interesting content about the world of Texas family law every day here on our blog.
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