When contemplating your divorce, envisioning a non-hostile process can alleviate much of the stress and uncertainty surrounding this major life transition. Instead of picturing courtroom battles and contentious arguments, imagine a collaborative approach where you and your spouse work together to reach agreements amicably. In a non-hostile divorce, both parties prioritize finding solutions that prioritize the well-being of everyone involved, especially the children. By embracing open communication, negotiation, and perhaps even mediation, you can navigate the divorce process with greater ease and civility.
You don’t need to fall into that category, however. There is nothing wrong with asking yourself questions about the divorce. It’s normal to have worries and concerns about something as important as divorce. When you consider that you have never been through a divorce before, we have a situation where anxiety levels are sky-high for many people as they go into a divorce case. Worries about yourself and your children can only make the circumstances appear even direr. What can be done to limit those worries and focus on doing what is best for you and your children?
What do you think a divorce is?
This is sort of a broad question to be asking ourselves but stick with me for a moment as we unpack what a divorce is, what a divorce isn’t, and what a divorce could be. For most of you reading today’s blog post, a divorce will not be a world-war-type event. Even if you think your spouse is the most hardheaded person on earth. Or even if you believe that YOU are the most hardheaded person on earth. Divorce does not need to be a full-contact sport. Let that sink in for a moment. What you think your divorce will end up being probably will not be how your divorce turns out.
What you think your divorce will look like is probably based not so much on your perceptions of divorce but on what you have observed from other people. First, we live in an era where divorce is sadly familiar. Recent years have seen a decrease in divorce rates, primarily because fewer people are marrying as quickly as before. This decline in divorces stems more from fewer marriages occurring rather than marriages becoming more resilient. If you believe that your marriage is failing, there is probably a good reason.
Understanding the dynamics of divorce
A divorce involves dissolving your marriage. Simple as that. A divorce takes two people who are married and ends that marriage. After the divorce is over, you will be a single, adult human being. This much you can count on. The rest? That ultimately depends on you and your family’s circumstances. The reality is that a divorce is an incredibly fact-specific endeavor. What divorce looks like to you could be a completely different experience than what a divorce looks like to your neighbor. Therefore, you cannot base your divorce expectations on what you hear from other people or see on the television. The difference between your experiences will likely be significant.
The exact reason why Your divorce will be either problematic or straightforward depends upon several factors. The most important two factors are You and your Spouse. Every other aspect does not come close in terms of determining the course your divorce will take. The attitude that you and your spouse have regarding how you want your divorce to proceed is undeniable. It would make a lot of sense, as a result, for the two of you to think long and hard about how you want your divorce to go. The truth is you two will play a more significant role in that process than anyone or anything else.
Talk to your spouse
In the midst of divorce, communicating with your spouse may seem daunting, especially if it’s been a point of contention. However, despite the complexities, fostering open dialogue is essential. Misunderstandings can often arise, but transparent communication can help alleviate tensions and pave the way for a smoother divorce process.
Engaging in discussions with your spouse about complex matters during divorce may seem daunting, but it’s crucial for a smoother process. Many exacerbate their divorce by avoiding these conversations, opting for silence instead. However, particularly if you share children, open communication is paramount. Taking the high road and facing these discussions head-on can ultimately lead to a more tolerable experience for all involved.
It would help if you were willing to talk to your spouse during the divorce for no other reason than benefit your children. If you have children under 18 with your spouse, then the divorce is not the end of your relationship with them, period; instead, you all will be engaged in raising a child under less-than-ideal circumstances from this point forward.
As a result, you should prepare yourself for this experience by discussing the subject matter with one another the divorce is going on. You may find that you have more in common than you thought and may be able to put to bed a lot of assumptions or misinterpretations that you had about the other person. If you cannot do this for yourself, you should do it for your children. In a tumultuous time for your kids seeing their parents set aside their differences can be just what they need.
Be intentional about goal setting
If you are going to go through all the trouble of getting a divorce, you ought to at least consider what goals you have for the case. Simply filing a divorce with no thoughts or concerns beyond getting the claim filed is a mistake. Instead, I would recommend that you start to think early in often about what you need to accomplish in the case. This will help you keep your eyes on the prize and avoid getting sidetracked during the divorce.
The best way to consider goal setting for divorce is in the context of the two types of subject matter you will encounter in your divorce. The two main areas of a divorce case are Community property division and child custody. Your goal-setting sessions can start with simply considering the areas of a case broadly and then focusing on specific areas after that. Asking yourself questions about how you see your life playing out after the divorce, what your post-divorce financial goals are, and what is in the best interest of your children will allow you to pinpoint the areas of most concern for you.
Collaborating with an experienced family law attorney can be instrumental in setting realistic goals for your divorce proceedings. While an attorney won’t solve all your challenges, they can offer invaluable insights into various aspects of divorce that you may not have considered. What may initially seem unattainable could become achievable with proper guidance. Conversely, setting unrealistic goals can lead to disappointment and frustration. Having a knowledgeable attorney by your side ensures that you have a clear understanding of your case from the outset, helping you to strategize effectively and make the most of your time.
Determine what matters and what does not matter
Like every divorce is different from another divorce, your goals will be different from those of your spouse and other people who are going through a divorce case. For that reason, you need to focus your energy on working to accomplish the goals that are most important to you. However, you can only determine what goals are essential after you have selected them in the first place. The reality of a divorce case is that you will very likely be unable to accomplish every goal you have set out for yourself. So, it pays for you to consider what matters the most to you in this case and to focus on that.
If your children are at the forefront of your mind during the divorce, ensuring your ability to make medical and healthcare decisions for them may be your top concern, particularly if one of your children has a chronic illness or mental health condition. Retaining the authority to make final decisions in these matters could be vital, especially if you’ve been the primary decision-maker thus far. Concentrating your efforts on establishing this role will be crucial for both you and your child’s well-being throughout and after the divorce process.
When it comes to Community property considerations, safeguarding your retirement funds may be your top priority, especially if you’re divorcing later in life. Protecting your long-term financial security becomes paramount in such circumstances. Therefore, focusing on preserving your retirement savings or advocating for a share of your spouse’s retirement benefits becomes crucial. You might be willing to offer assets like the family home or funds from your checking or savings accounts to achieve this objective. Negotiating over Community property entails a strategic exchange of assets until both parties reach a mutually agreeable settlement, regardless of where the chips may fall.
Think objectively about what is in the best interests of your children
When it comes to issues related to your kids in a divorce, the goal of a parent should be to focus on what is in their best interest. Frequently this means doing something you do not particularly like but that you understand will benefit your children now and in the future. This is what it means to make the best interest determination on behalf of your kids. It can be challenging to separate what you want to do and what is in the kids’ best interest. As a result, it takes some effort to get to the point where you can decide like this for you and them.
I recommend that clients take some time to think about their kids and where they are in their lives. What are they having success with? Where are they struggling? You may need to take some time away from the hustle and bustle of your life to sit down and think about these types of things objectively in a quiet spot. Only then can you gain some perspective on what benefits your kids the most. It may not be what you thought at the beginning of a case or during your marriage.
Considering your children’s opinion isn’t the most crucial thing in determining their best interests, but it can matter. This is especially true for older children whose opinions do you trust and who are perhaps mature beyond their years. In a situation like that, it could make a great deal of sense to talk to your children and be honest about the issues you must determine within the divorce. Getting their perspective on specific issues could matter greatly to them and you. It may allow you to understand certain things that you would not have otherwise had.
Take advantage of mediation
Mediation is a crucial step in the divorce process, offering an opportunity for constructive negotiation between you and your spouse. Prioritize preparation by discussing negotiation strategies with your attorney beforehand and actively engaging in the process during mediation. A third-party family attorney facilitates the session, allowing you to address any unresolved issues in a single day. By negotiating through these challenges, you can reach agreements that form the basis of a mediated settlement agreement, shaping the final decree of divorce in your case.
Many people get to mediation and feel like they cannot trust their spouse. In those cases, these folks will assume that mediation will do them no good and that no interest can come out of the process. If this is your position as you head into the divorce, I can tell you that it will almost be a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if you go into mediation with an optimistic outlook and a plan to accomplish your goals, then you are much more likely to arrive at a settlement that suits you and your children.
On top of that, mediation allows you and your spouse to have the final say in matters related to your divorce. In a trial, you will have the ability to submit evidence to a judge, but ultimately the judge has the final say. It is much preferable to have the final say in mediation even when it comes to negotiating with a spouse that you were going through a divorce with the period when it comes to matters related to your family nobody knows you all the better than you and your spouse. A family court judge will only gain a little understanding of your life even after a multiple-day trial period.
Conclusion
Opting for a non-hostile divorce not only minimizes conflict but also fosters a more positive and cooperative environment for both parties involved. By choosing to prioritize effective communication and mutual respect, couples can navigate the complexities of divorce with greater ease and dignity. This approach allows for more amicable resolutions, reduces stress and animosity, and lays the foundation for healthier post-divorce relationships, particularly when children are involved. Ultimately, embracing a non-hostile approach empowers individuals to focus on the future and move forward with greater clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law and how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Spring Divorce Lawyer
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it’s essential to speak with ar Spring, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.
A divorce lawyer in Spring, TX, is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, handles Divorce cases in Spring, Texas, Cypress, Spring, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County, and Waller County.
Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.
Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.
His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.
Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.
