Mental health challenges are a part of life. All of us go through some degree of difficulty when it comes to our mental health from time to time. These may be issues that pertain to an event that has happened. For example, the death of a loved one may lead you to suffer mentally. Having that person no longer be a part of your life is a major struggle to go through. Issues with your children, difficulties at work, and the list goes on. Mental health issues are not something that we should deal with on our own.
Rather, acknowledging your mental health struggles and working towards a resolution of them is what tends to improve your overall mental health. The mental health of you and your family is important, especially during a divorce. Many times, we find ourselves staring down a major challenge like a divorce and feeling like we are not up to the task. There is so much to do in so little time. How can we possibly manage all of the responsibilities?
With a team of people who care about you and your family, that’s how. In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we are going to discuss some of the most important issues facing people regarding mental health and divorce. We know that these challenges are impactful. However, we also know that the best way to deal with a challenge is to meet it head-on. For that reason, the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan want to share with you our thoughts on this subject. Curious about how to handle the challenges associated with mental health and divorce? Read on to find out more.
Mental health challenges made worse by your spouse
One of the unfortunate parts of being in a difficult marriage is finding yourself struggling to work through mental health difficulties. It may even be that your spouse is making your mental health difficulties even worse. Sometimes your spouse may convince you that you are the cause of all your difficulties. He or she may not show you the sort of empathy and patience that you need at this time. As a result, the mental health challenges you are facing become even more impactful in your life.
When this happens, you are made to feel isolated and alone. The more isolated you become the more you are made to feel like there are no options for you as far as getting better. Trying to improve your life is a very human quality. When you identify that there are mental health challenges in your life a reasonable reaction would be to start and make changes where possible. However, this desire for positive change may be thwarted by your spouse.
The whole time, he or she may also be using you for any number of reasons. Being able to distinguish the challenges in a failing marriage is a key part of working towards better mental health. The trouble for many people is that they cannot discern reality from fiction. Therefore, having a support system around you to assist is incredibly important.
The importance of a support network
One of the troubling aspects of our modern society is that many of us do not have a strong system of support in our lives. More people are choosing to live alone than ever before. Additionally, social networks have been replaced with social media. The net result of this is to find ourselves isolated to an extreme degree. This isolation is bad for our physical and mental health. We see that people suffering from loneliness tend to age more acutely and suffer greater health deficits versus those who live with supportive family members.
What does this mean for you? If it isn’t already, now is the time to begin prioritizing your mental health. This does not necessarily mean that you must spend a lot of money on a therapist or counseling. Rather, being able to focus on your mental health means taking daily steps towards improving your circumstances. Surrounding yourself with positive people who help you make it through challenging times is a simple course of action to take. However, the difficulty is finding yourself in this sort of community.
When your spouse is not able to offer you this sort of relationship it becomes time for you to look elsewhere. I do not necessarily mean becoming involved in a dating relationship. Tax, dating during a divorce is usually not advisable. Rather, I am talking about reaching out to friends and family. You may be reaching out to people that you have not had a real conversation in many years. However, beginning to forge a bond with these people before you’re divorced begins to position you better. The reason is that you can rely upon them for perspective and camaraderie during the low points of a divorce case.
Thinking less about you and more about others
One of the great temptations of a divorce is to focus on yourself almost entirely. This is a completely reasonable instinct to have. After all, this is your marriage that is failing and your divorce case that has been filed. I think the reaction of most people would be to spend every waking hour thinking about their case and how to improve their position within it.
However, it may be beneficial for you to take a step back from the case and instead focus on others at a time like this. If you are a parent going through a divorce, then you should not lose sight of the fact that your children are as impacted by the divorce as you are. We sometimes tend to think that children are more resilient than they are.
Bear in mind, for example, that children lack the life experience that we do as parents. As a result, your children are likely less prepared for the divorce than you might think. What this means is that pay close attention to your children during this time. Helping them to understand the process and feel better about what is occurring may improve your mental health more than you would first think.
This is not to say, however, that you should not think about yourself at all during the divorce. Not being intentional and goal-oriented during the divorce is a mistake. However, instead of focusing on the emotional and hypothetical circumstances we sometimes build up in our minds, it may be better to approach your case from the perspective of someone who is trying to accomplish goals and develop a strategy. For many people, this looks like acknowledging realities and accepting your limitations. Mainly, that you may not be able to accomplish every goal you set out for yourself in the divorce.
How to plan your divorce
Each one of us has a particular propensity to worry. If you think about all the different areas of your life, you likely spend a considerable amount of time worrying about them. The things that are most important to us also tend to be the things we worry about the most. However, worrying is an unproductive use of our time. We can spend so much of our lives focusing to our detriment on things that we are not able to change. True enough, that may be human nature. Our instincts may be to focus on these topics because over time that is how we have dealt with them.
In actuality, the problems you encounter in a divorce are not best left to worrying. Worrying may be the first step in the process, but it should not be the last. Rather, when it comes to a divorce you are better off using that worry as a springboard towards more productive uses of your time. This includes planning your divorce. You would be surprised to how many people in a divorce never come up with a plan for their case. Either a person may think that this is the job of their attorney or he or she may simply not know how to go about creating a plan.
There is no specific way to create a plan for your divorce. Something that many of us encounter when it comes to a new part of our lives is that we tend to think that the most complicated solution must be the best. This solution is more sophisticated. We are predisposed towards thinking that the more sophisticated or complicated solution must be superior to a simpler solution. In many cases, this could not be further from the truth. Going through complicated and complex decision-making sessions shifts your focus away from the simple realities of your case.
Start simple to assist your mental health
When you are struggling with your mental health the solution to your problem may involve more than one thing. However, it is very likely that starting simple and you’re going from there can do a lot to improve the quality of your mental health. The comparison that we can consider when it comes to improving your mental health relates to improving your financial circumstances.
When you have a significant amount of debt a reasonable goal would be to begin to reduce your debt burden. The major question would be how to best go about accomplishing this goal. Different people will tell you different things about how to pay off debt. There are two schools of thought. The first is known as the debt avalanche. This involves going after your largest debt or the one with the highest interest rate. The thought is that by paying off the highest interest rate first, you are doing what makes the most sense mathematically.
The other theory on debt payment relates to your smallest debt first. This is known as the debt snowball. In other words, by paying off your smallest debt first, you are building momentum for yourself. What started as a snowball quickly turned into a boulder of snow. I believe that your mental health works similarly. By focusing on small issues in your life you can better accomplish your goals. Small issues then provide you with the confidence you need to begin to attack larger problems. Making small changes in your life from a mental health standpoint can benefit you in dramatic ways over time.
Improving your mental health by accomplishing small goals
Take your divorce on a moment-by-moment basis and consider where you can create opportunities for small victories. These are not always the most exciting course of events, but they are almost always effective. For many people, simply reaching out to an experienced family law attorney is a victory in and of itself. By working with an attorney who knows family law you are creating a distinct advantage for yourself in the case.
For instance, the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week. Have you been worrying about a divorce for months or even years? Has that worry contributed to a decline in your mental health? If so, then meeting with one of our experienced attorneys may be the first step you take towards terminating are reducing the stress you experience about the divorce process. All the worries and questions you have about divorce may not even be accurate.
So many well-intentioned people just like you come in to talk to the Law Office of Bryan Fagan with questions about divorce. Those questions manifest themselves in a way that causes a significant amount of stress and anxiety. When you have stress associated with divorce you are not able to think clearly. Meeting with one of the attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan helps to clarify issues and reduce the overall stress level. From there, you are better equipped to make decisions for yourself.
Do not forget the essentials of your day-to-day life
One of the overlooked parts of a divorce is the importance of focusing on your daily habits. For instance, many people let their diet slip away from them during a divorce. We can rationalize that there is just too much on our plates to spend time focusing on our dietary health. As a result, we tend to eat worse. Fast food, ready-made meals, and caffeine are a reality for many people going through a divorce. Instead, take the extra time to plan meals and do what it takes to eat better during the divorce. What we eat influences how we behave.
Next, exercising during a divorce should not be seen as a luxury. Rather, studies have shown the positive impact on mental health from a simple exercise regimen. With that said, being able to devote your time and energy to exercise during the divorce accomplishes many benefits. First, it takes your focus away from the divorce and puts on something more practical. You may not be able to solve all the problems of your divorce in 10 minutes, but you can go for a 10-minute walk. Likewise, exercise tends to help people think through difficult problems.
Finally, your sleep is another element of the divorce which is overlooked much of the time. We tend to take our sleep for granted until we are unable to find the energy to make it through our day. Rather, the more quality sleep you get the better your mental health is. A healthier person finds greater success in a divorce than someone who struggles with their physical and mental well-being.
Final thoughts on mental health problems and divorce
There is no question that divorce tends to hurt a person’s mental health. A divorce is not a pleasant experience. However, it is a necessary experience and one that may benefit you and your family in the long run. However, before you can begin to focus on any positive aspects of divorce it is necessary to get through the case itself. You may have a bright future after the divorce but simply making it through the case there is a sufficient challenge in and of itself.
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are here to help you. We offer free of charge consultations to help you focus on your goals and identify important issues in your case. We know that a divorce is challenging. However, our attorneys and staff are empathetic to you and your circumstances. We know that the divorce is not only about the law. Rather, your specific circumstances than how the law interacts with them is what matters the most. Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with us here on our blog.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
