The natural tendency for many parents who are facing a child custody case is to badmouth their co-parent in some way. That may be making posts online that disparage that parent in some way. You may say no so nice things about him or her to a friend or family member. However, the most damaging thing you can do is to bad mouth your co-parent to your child. This is the topic of today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.
When it comes to bad-mouthing your co-parent to your child it can, at first, feel like a victimless crime. We all encounter opportunities to do this. Second guessing how he prepares your child for school. Constantly belittling him in some way. Maybe his income isn’t great so you tell your child how his salary compares to other dads in the neighborhood. Or you call into question your wife’s parenting skills in front of your son.
This is the sort of behavior that can damage your relationship with your co-parent. What many parents in your shoes don’t realize is that it can damage your relationship with your child, as well. As we go through the essential information about co-parenting and bad-mouthing your co-parent please consider any questions you have. Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan today for a free-of-charge consultation where we can answer those questions in a free-of-charge consultation.
Bad-mouthing the other parent is known as parental alienation
The behavior that we have been discussing so far in today’s blog post is called parental alienation. This is a serious behavior problem for parents. What you may think of as not being very important is something that can shape your relationship with your child as a direct result. Parental alienation comes in many shapes and sizes as you can already see. There are so many reasons why you should not want to try and alienate your child from your co-parent.
Not the least of which is because engaging in alienating behavior has the ability for you to be punished by a court. Losing custody is a real concern for many parents in your situation. The idea of not being able to care for a child on a day-in and day-out basis is a scary proposition. At the same time, losing time with your child is another aspect of your case to consider. As you prepare for a family law case understand that there are ramifications associated with bad-mouthing your co-parent.
Are you entering a family law case and have more questions than answers? This is not an uncommon situation to find yourself in. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan welcome the opportunity to share with you more information on why bad-mouthing your co-parent can harm your chances of obtaining the court orders that you believe suit your child best.
What is child custody?
This is a great question to ask ourselves. Not because you have never heard the term “child custody” before. Rather, it is because child custody is a term that is used so frequently that it is difficult to gain a solid grasp on the subject. Sometimes we hear something so often that it begins to sound confused in our mind. Child custody is such a large area of family law that it is normal to be familiar with the term. At the same time, what you need to understand may not be available to you.
That is where this blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan enters the picture. We know that you have many different sources to consider. However, the attorneys with our office hope that giving you basic definitions like this can help you a considerable amount as you begin your family law case. Ignorance of the law or any major topic in the world of Texas family law is no defense. For that reason it is a great idea to focus on your family and what helps your child the most in their life.
Child custody is a catch-all term that relates to topics as diverse as conservatorship, child support, visitation, and access. Conservatorship is the term you see in the Texas Family Code related to parenting your children. These are the rights and duties that you can hold concerning your child. Depending upon the specific needs of your child you may be named as a joint managing conservator or as the sole managing conservator.
The difference between a joint and sole managing conservatorship
When it comes to conservatorship or any topic in family law, it is the best interests of your child that make the biggest difference. A family court is bound to make decisions that are in your child’s best interests. A best interests analysis factors into consideration topics like your child’s safety and health. What does your child need to be well positioned concerning their education? By looking at a wide range of factors a court can perform a more objective analysis.
Courts presume that it is in the best interests of your child that a joint managing conservatorship be put into place. In a joint managing conservatorship you and your co-parent share decision-making authority. Your child would be able to spend time on a fairly even basis throughout the year with you and your co-parent. Shared parenting or split parenting is a goal for many families entering a family law case. Well, in a joint managing conservatorship, you can perform the parenting steps that allow that goal to become a reality.
On the other hand, a sole managing conservatorship reflects a situation where one parent holds the vast majority of the decision-making authority. This may be because a co-parent proved unable to manage their responsibilities as caretakers. Also, a parent could be in a unique position due to a physical, mental, or work-related issue that he or she cannot manage their responsibilities as a joint conservator. If you have concerns about your own or your co-parent’s ability to join parents please contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.
How does bad-mouthing the other parent factor into your child custody case
Bad-mouthing your co-parent places the focus of your case on you and your co-parent instead of your child. Remember that we talked a moment ago about the best interests of your children being served by parents who place their interests at the top of the priorities list. However, in the parental alienation case, you and your co-parent take center stage. Trying to upstage your co-parent is not a good situation. This is especially true when you consider that parental alienation seeks to provide you with an advantage through deceit.
Co-parenting means being able to talk to your child’s other parent. Admittedly this is a difficult task during a family law case. The two of you must put aside your differences and focus on the best interests of your children. The two of you would not be the first people to find this more difficult than anticipated. Certainly, it is disconcerting that the person you are trying to remove from your life is also the person who holds the key to your case.
Co-parenting can be a topic that is paid lip service during a family law case. However, we at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan take seriously the challenges that come with a family law case. A major part of that challenge involves making an effort to co-parent better. This goes well beyond not bad-mouthing the other parent. Rather, co-parenting involves being a willing communicator. An attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan understands this responsibility.
From alleging bad-mouthing to proving alienation in a Texas family law case
Now that we have had an opportunity to discuss parental alienation, we still have some work to do. Bad-mouthing your co-parent in front of your children is a very damaging behavior to engage in. What we know about badmouthing is that it can happen easily. One of the reasons for this is that your co-parent is nowhere to be seen when you start to say bad things. Next thing you know, that bad-mouthing has become a habit you cannot break.
The bad-mouthing becomes parental alienation with evidence. Most parents have no idea that their co-parent is trying to alienate their children from them until it is too late. For instance, suppose that you and your co-parent are going through a divorce. The two of you have started on the right foot. Now the only step that needs to be followed is the one geared towards focusing your case on the well-being of your child.
However, your co-parent has made it apparent that she wants nothing to do with having an open line of communication with you. That sounded great in the divorce. Now that your divorce is done you and your co-parent have not maintained that open line of communication. This allows bad behavior like parental alienation or bad-mouthing to occur regularly. What do you need to do when you suspect your co-parenting of bad-mouthing you?
Petitioning the court for relief when it comes to parental alienation
Parental alienation is a major issue alleged in the petitions of many spouses asking the court for relief. First, be specific when it comes to pointing out the violations of your court order. Keep in mind that before the court orders any relief you must be able to cite to the portion of the order being violated. If you have not had orders issued in your family law case yet then you still need to bring the bad-mouthing to the attention of the court.
This can be done in your original petition for divorce. The original divorce petition contains any allegations you are trying to make against your co-parent. It is then that you can outline what happened, where, and how the violation took place. The more specific you can be the better your petition becomes. Talk to an attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan about how to turn your petition into one that advocates for your child.
Ask the court to grant you make-up visitation time. An attorney knows how to structure an original petition with an eye toward detail. Speaking of detail- what kind of detail do you need to prove alienation has occurred? The Law Office of Bryan Fagan will walk you through what kind of evidence is best when it comes to proving badmouthing.
Types of evidence that can support a bad-mouthing allegation
Witness testimony is crucial in a parental alienation case. In some situations, it may be that the only people who can testify about the bad-mouthing are family members who are aware of what they have observed. Usually, court statements used in court to prove the truth of the matter asserted are hearsay. However, in this situation, the testimony is an exception because your co-parent can contradict their testimony if need be.
Text messages are another type of evidence worth considering in support of your alienation claim. Depending on the age of your child your co-parent may be using texts to conduct their operation. If you can get your hands on those text messages then you can begin to support your allegations. It is not as simple as printing out all these text messages and handing them to the judge. Rather, there is a certain skill involved in making these arguments successfully. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan know about how to maximize your chances within your child custody case.
You don’t have to take your co-parent’s bad-mouthing lying down. The law in Texas provides you with opportunities to defend yourself. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan can help you with this. We know how to take an allegation of bad-mouthing and turn it into a situation where you can help yourself within the child custody case. In what ways can a proven allegation of parental alienation change your family law case? Here is a bit more on that subject.
Why parental alienation is important to prove in a family law case
So your co-parent has been bad-mouthing you to your child. This is ongoing and has become a major point of contention. You have brought it up to her in person and she denies that it has occurred. The method of addressing the topic directly has not succeeded. What can you do to help provide yourself an opportunity to stop the alienation? Holding your co-parent responsible for their actions is a good place to start.
Your co-parent will be emboldened to say bad things about you to your child unless you do something about it. The reality is that by stepping up and holding your co-parent accountable you are helping to prevent future acts of alienation. Your co-parent views the situation as something that is consequence-free. That is unless you do something about it. Parents in your situation who do nothing allow for additional bad actions to occur. This could be you. Or, you could choose to take a more proactive approach.
Additionally, by proving that the alienation is ongoing you provide yourself an opportunity to win better child custody orders. Remember when we talked about conservatorship roles? A conservator who cannot be trusted to look out for the best interests of their child is in a weakened position. You can take advantage of that by scooping up additional rights and duties that you otherwise may not have been able to.
Final thoughts on bad-mouthing your co-parent and the consequences of doing so
Adults, like children, can act in a certain way until it becomes apparent that there are consequences for their actions. Consider that a parent who engages in alienating behavior would likely persist in doing so unless and until consequences are presented. If you are the parent who is doing the alienating then look out for these situations. There are risks to what you are doing. Not only in the family law case but regarding your relationship with your child.
Thank you for joining us today on the blog for the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our experienced family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week. If you are engaging in alienating behavior then consider the consequences of your actions. We have spelled those out for you in detail today. On the other hand, if you are the parent who is being taken advantage of via alienating behavior then you have options. Consider reaching out to the Law Office of Bryan Fagan to learn how to stop the alienation and advocate for yourself.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
