When I was growing up, my parents never talked to me about finances. They divorced while I was still in grade school, and I quickly learned that asking for something as expensive as a new pair of tennis shoes wasn’t worth the effort. I never truly grasped how finances and divorce affect single-income families or how they managed financial matters during these changes. I was content to make assumptions about how money affected my life without fully grasping the implications. Thankfully, I never faced a situation where I had to go without, so I didn’t think much about it at the time.
Perhaps you are on the other end of the spectrum regarding how much you share with your children about money. A lot depends on the age of your children. If you have a child who is five, they can only comprehend so much about money and, on top of that, the intricacies that divorce presents. On the other hand, if your child is sixteen, they are likely much more able to understand financial discussions as they pertain to your family after a divorce. You can use your comfort level, parenting philosophies, and age/maturity of your children to make a decision as far as that is concerned.
Discussing Divorce Finances With Your Children: Insights From a Family Law Attorney
IN TODAY’S blog post, I would like to discuss some questions clients have asked me of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, regarding finances and children. Specifically, how to discuss the financial impact of divorce on your family with your children. These are, of course, my opinions formed around my own time as a parent and my experiences as a practicing family law attorney. Your opinions and experiences on these subjects may differ from mine, and that’s fine. That’s to be expected. My purpose in writing on this subject is more or less to inform you of a perspective that I have seen work well for many families in our community. Whether or not you choose to take these questions/answers to the heart is your own decision.
At What Age Is It Appropriate to Begin to Discuss Finances With Your Child?
Since I don’t know your child, I would defer to you on the maturity level. With that said, from my own experiences as a parent, I think children as young as three can begin to understand pretty well the concept of money, budgets, and things of that nature. Essential discussions can start at this point with more complex and robust explanations of the effect of divorce on the family finances as a whole may wait until the teenage years. If you’re wondering whether you can explain to your four-year-old that you can’t afford a particular toy because of the divorce, I recommend being honest. Discuss the situation as openly as you feel comfortable, providing an age-appropriate explanation.
To What Extent Do the Attitudes of You and Your Spouse Influence the Behavior of Your Child?
This is a question that could just as easily apply to you and your spouse even if you were not going through a divorce. When it comes to children, they often learn more from observing our actions than from what we say. Meaning- you do not need to sit your daughter down on your knee to tell her about an important life lesson. She will observe you and behave and take her cues like this.
If you and your spouse are angry as all get out at one another, but you act civilly and restrain in your interactions, your child will pick up on this. If your older child notices that you and your spouse are upset with each other but manage to present a united front for their sake, they will perceive and value this effort. Finally, if you are frank with your child about finances with the divorce, without blaming your spouse for anything, in particular, your child will learn essential lessons from how you behave.
Are Your Kids Better Able to Understand Financial Topics Than You Might Think?
From my experiences, yes, children are more equipped to understand and contextualize financial discussions than we may think. I am talking about personal finances in this setting. Most of us would agree that personal finances rely more on attitude, behavior, and intentional actions than on complex equations and variables. Children understand concepts like deferred gratification, saving, and saying no. It’s another matter altogether of whether they can learn the lessons that these characteristics teach and employ them in their own lives.
Your children will likely have plenty of questions about money as they grow up; many of them could relate either directly or indirectly to your divorce. Instead of allowing your child to search the internet, social media, or other less than trustworthy sources for the answers to those questions, you are in a position to address them directly with your child and to give them an honest answer. Technology being what it is, kids can gain access to information that we would have previously never been able to access as a child. Please do not fool yourself into thinking that keeping them in the dark on a subject benefits them. You may be saving yourself a challenging conversation, but you are harming your child, in my opinion.
How Can You and Your Spouse Operate as a Team When Finances Are Finalized Even After the Divorce?
While you and your spouse may not agree on much during your divorce, one thing that I am willing to bet you do see eye to eye on is that your children are both of your top priorities. The first step to achieving this goal of a united front is to agree to never use your children as a bargaining chip with one another. Inserting your children into the middle of a disagreement on money is both counterproductive in the immediate sense and potentially harmful to your child’s long-term development.
Choose wisely what you allow your children to voice their opinions on. If you choose to let your child express their opinion on every minor matter involving money, you may run into a situation where your child feels like they have to make choices and decisions when they may not be capable of doing so. Do not allow your child to decide on a subject just because it may anger or upset your ex-spouse. Make the difficult decisions, and do not allow your child to do so. If you and your ex-spouse can utilize this rule, your relationships with your child will improve dramatically.
Conclusion
Navigating the challenges of divorce often involves facing difficult lessons, including managing finances and maintaining a stable environment for your children. During this stressful time, you might find yourself pulled in various directions, testing your patience and resolve. Leaning on your support system—family and friends—can provide the strength you need to persevere. It’s crucial to stay true to your parenting principles and address complex topics, such as finances, with your children. By staying resilient and relying on your network, you can better manage the strains of divorce and ensure a stable, supportive environment for your family.
Other Related Articles
- Navigating Divorce Finances- How to Fund Your Divorce
- Divorce and Finances Split: Navigating the Legal Landscape in Texas
- How Do You Finance a Divorce?
- Transitioning Homes During Divorce: Stress, Finances, and Planning
- Assessing the impact of Divorce on Finances in Texas
- Protecting your Finances in a Divorce
- The more you know about your finances the better your divorce will go
- How to manage your finances during divorce proceedings
- Finances Involved in a Texas Divorce
- How can you protect your finances in a divorce?
More on finances, children, and divorce in tomorrow’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC
I want to begin tomorrow’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, by discussing basic steps you can take to improve your outlook on personal finances. After that, we’ll jump back into our topic from today of questions and answers regarding talking to your children about divorce and money.
In the meantime, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC. We offer free consultations with licensed family law attorneys six days a week.
Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.
Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.
His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.
Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.
