If you are considering a divorce you most likely have a pretty unique set of reasons for wanting that divorce. Not that the reasons themselves are unique to you and your spouse, by any means. It’s likely, however, that the arguments, lack of trust, suspicions about infidelity and any issues regarding finances have some unique characteristics come from a place or set of circumstances that could not be replicated outside of your family home.
That’s what makes it so difficult for you and your spouse to know if there is an opportunity to save the marriage or if the only option would be to file for divorce. As a family law attorney, I have seen people fight about all sorts of things. These fights have ranged from the serious- accusations about one spouse not being faithful to the other, to the trivial- spouses getting fed up with having to pick up the other’s laundry too frequently.
What are the sort of arguments that you may be looking for in terms of potential warning signs that divorce may be on the horizon?
Being an absentee spouse
This is a warning sign that therapists and family counselors discuss frequently with patients. It is very easy in our busy, modern lives to focus on everything in your life other than your marriage. It is the classic example of taking something for granted.
The thought is- this (marriage) is always going to be there, he/she isn’t going anywhere. With that thought in mind it doesn’t take much to shift your attention away from your relationship with your spouse to your work, your children, etc.
It is that time that you spend with your spouse, away from the distractions that the rest of the world provides that shores up any weaknesses in your relationship and helps you both to recalibrate to one another’s changing needs. If your attention shifts away from your home the emotional and physical distance between you and your spouse can overwhelm the relationship and cause the sort of arguments and accusations that I discussed at the outset of this blog.
If you are thinking about a divorce then you need to consider whether or not you and your spouse will be willing to seek counseling or other outside help to discuss whatever underlying issues of abandonment (at least emotional abandonment) that you may be experiencing.
It takes two to tango in the areas of counseling and therapy so if both spouses are not willing to participate then your arguments made very well lead to divorce ultimately.
Communication is key
It is no secret that an unwillingness or inability for you and your spouse to communicate effectively with one another can and will lead to a divorce if this problem is not solved. It’s ironic that arguments are conducted verbally, yet it is the lack of verbal communication that got you and your spouse to this point in the first place.
Talking about the state of your family or your emotions is difficult enough taken by itself, but if you throw in the added element that men and women typically do not utilize the same methods to communicate then the degree of difficulty is ratcheted up even further.
If you are doing your best to speak to your spouse on their terms using whatever skills that you inherently have to do so and there are still problems in this area then it may be time to consider either changing your methods, seeking outside help or addressing head on whatever your perceived issues are.
From my experiences, I have known clients to have tried this but because the communication breakdown is so severe, their idea of what was wrong ended up being light-years away from what their spouse believed to be the problem. At that stage, it doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong. The damage to the relationship had been done.
Consider where your spouse is coming from
Finally, one sort of argument that I have heard prior clients talk about with great frequency is that their spouse just stopped considering their point of view or motivation for doing something, and instead began to assume the worst about why something was done. There is ample opportunity for us as adults to view the actions of our spouses as having bad intent.
Unfortunately in situations where divorce is an option on the table, some spouses have absolutely acted in self serving ways that are intentionally harmful to the marriage. With that said, in the great battle between “negligence” and “bad intent”, negligence is by far the more likely explanation for someone’s actions.
Very little (if any) of your spouse’s actions are done to hurt you. Whether or not your spouse was considering you when the action was made is an entirely different question and one that rightfully may lead you to believe a divorce is necessary.
If you and your spouse are constantly accusing one another of doing things to anger, hurt or otherwise harm the marriage relationship or one another it may be time to focus on your motivations for saying those sort of things.
It’s likely that a lack of trust is the root cause, or that you are so disconnected from one another that your assumptions are just that. Reconnecting through open and honest communication is a good place for a stronger relationship to start and for your arguments to end.
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC: Family Law attorneys who put clients first
It is the attitude of each attorney and every staff member at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC that our clients’ interests and well being comes before anything else. Our operating procedures seek to ensure that our client’s cases are handled diligently and with the care that they deserve, with no exceptions.
If you have any questions on divorce or any other subject in family law please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC today. Our licensed family law attorneys are available six days a week to meet with you in a free of charge consultation.
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Kingwood Divorce Lawyer
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with ar Kingwood, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.
A divorce lawyer in Kingwood TX is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC handles Divorce cases in Spring, Texas, Cypress, Spring, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.