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Co parenting when you and your children live in different states

Whether you have moved at the time of your divorce or after you’ve modified a custody order, it is a challenge to parent your children from across state lines.

I have seen many clients of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan come in to our office to discuss with us just how hard it is to co-parent with your ex spouse when you all live across town from one another. The logistics of travel, school events, and other experiences can make this an extremely difficult part of raising children after divorce.

These difficulties are exacerbated when you live hundreds or even thousands of miles away from your children. How then can you best handle your parenting responsibilities from such a great distance?

How to handle parenting when your children move across state lines

It happens on occasion that it is your children and ex spouse that move from you, rather than the other way around. Typically it is fathers who find themselves in this situation and it is normal for feelings of anger and sadness to bubble to the surface if you count yourself among those parents who have been left in Texas.

What you’ve become accustomed to in terms of possession of your kids is regular time with them at least once per week and often more. If you and your ex spouse have been able to come to agreements on more flexible periods of possession then you may have been able to see them almost every day.

Your new life will unfortunately be much different, however. Now, spur of the moment ideas for trips to an amusement park or the beach will need to be substituted with weeks of planning for a day or two of visitation. The summer will allow you to most likely have upwards of six weeks of visitation rather than the one month you had been afforded previously when you all lived in the same area. The long school year is the main concern for you most likely. How do you handle this time period and how can you maximize your ability to spend time with your children?

The key for you is not give up and concede anything in terms of time with your children. Think about why you hired a lawyer, attended hearings and mediations and ultimately spent money in the first place- to make sure that you and your children’s relationship would not suffer just because you and their other parent are no longer married. Just because you cannot be with your children as frequently as you once were does not mean that you won’t be able to be a major part of their lives.

Connecting with your children when distance is a factor

Whether you are a huge advocate and fan of technology or not, you ought to become familiar with face chat opportunities through your cell phone provider and Skype for long distance video phone calls. While it is never a bad thing to give your children a call on the phone, allowing them to see your face can make a stronger emotional impression on them. For you, seeing the smiling face of your children can provide you with a huge lift when if you are feeling upset at the prospect of seeing your children less frequently than before.

Of course, any method of keeping in contact with your children is preferable to no method at all. Text messages and phone calls are basic but serve an important purpose at keeping you connected with them. Children’s activities change frequently so making sure you’re aware of what sport is in season or what club has a trip upcoming can show your kids that you are actively taking an interest in their lives. I have seen parents who are willing share an online calendar where the kids’ events are posted so that the parent who lives away can keep a mental schedule of what is upcoming.

Look to your Court Orders for help

Many parents work into their court orders a provision or two that calls for weekly periods of communication. Make sure you are aware of what time slots you have been allotted to speak to your kids on the phone, FaceTime with them, etc. These are expected to provide you with a bare minimum of communication which of course you should try to expand upon.

However, don’t miss whatever time you have been ordered to make an effort to contact your children. Your kids thrive on consistency and stability. Even if they don’t seem too enthused to speak to you at the beginning, remember that while the content of your conversations may not stick with them the fact that you consistently made an effort to reach them certainly will.

Going the extra mile (no pun intended) is the most important part of connecting with your children

Regardless of the means by which you choose to remain in your children’s lives, there is no substitute for effort on your part. This is not something where you can expect your ex spouse or your children to do for you. You need to go the extra mile to set up time to correspond with your children, relate to them and bond with them however you can.

When your have an opportunity to visit them and spend time with them you need to take advantage of each opportunity. Throughout your divorce and any subsequent modification I’m willing to bet that you told your family and friends that the only thing you cared about at the end of the day were your kids and your relationship with them. Well, now you have a chance to prove that sentiment to be true.

Questions about interstate parenting? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

If you find yourself separated from your children and need advice on how to function better as a parent or if you want to attempt a modification to change the frequency with which you are able to see your children please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.

Our attorneys represent clients across southeast Texas who have found themselves in situations similar to yours. A free of charge consultation is available to you six days a week.

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Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Spring Divorce Lawyer

The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with ar Spring, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.

A divorce lawyer in Spring TX is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles Divorce cases in Spring, Texas, Cypress, Spring, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.

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