If you are in the middle of a divorce right now as you read this, I know that what you are going through is one of the most difficult times in your life. You’ve had some people in your life tell you to stick it out and do everything that you can to save your marriage- no matter what.
On the other hand you’ve probably had folks encourage you to file for divorce long before either you or your spouse actually did. The expectations from people in your life whose own lives will have little to no impact as a result of any decisions you make can be astounding. On top of all of this, if you have children then you know that your divorce has impacted them in a significant way.
Especially if you have children, then you will come to know if you have not already that your relationship with your ex spouse does not end the day that your divorce papers are signed. You and he or she will have a lasting impact on one another through your working together to parent a child. As such, you will need to communicate with him or her on a regular basis if you want to be able to ensure the successful upbringing of your son or daughter.
This need to communicate and interact with a person that you just divorced can lead to potential problems especially in the years immediately following the divorce. You and your ex spouse will most likely both be emotionally vulnerable and prone to acting in ways and saying things that may look back on with regret.
It is not enough to simply go back to treating one another the same way that you did while you were married. Taking into consideration your history with this person it will take a concerted effort by both of you in order to avoid falling into similar ways of thinking and interfacing with one another. This blog post will detail some tips for helping ease you into this transitional phase in your life.
Emotions can be hard to keep in check- work on this daily
Every person going through a divorce just wants the process to end. When you settled your case or completed your trial you may not have been the happiest person in the world but you were surely relieved that the hard part was over. The paperwork has all been approved, signed and filed at the courthouse and you are beginning to evaluate your life as it stands post-divorce. While you are assuredly happy to be able to start a new life for yourself there are still going to be lingering feelings of anger, betrayal and possibly even love.
When experiencing emotions like this, good or bad, it is easy to want to act on them in your interactions with your ex spouse. Common, harmless discussions about school, extra curriculars or college savings can lead to you reverting to the “pre-divorced” you and the way that version of yourself spoke to and acted towards your ex spouse.
Instead of going with the flow in these situations like you would in speaking to any other person, it is important that you become aware of the way that you are acting towards your ex spouse. If you understand the way that you are interacting with your ex spouse and it is a manner that is not healthy for you then you will need to make changes in how you speak to him or her in the future.
An example of this is if every discussion that you have with your ex spouse turns into an argument, even if the subject matter is rather mundane and does not warrant that level of animosity or anger. If you can catch yourself in these moments and accept that you have work to do in your dealing with your ex spouse then you have reached a very important step in the healing process from your divorce.
Putting up boundaries between yourself and your ex spouse- no allowing yourself to speak to him or her in ways that will create the familiar breeding ground for arguments and not allowing him or her to do the same for you is a great way to start on the transition from ex spouse to independent person.
Your identity is no longer tied up in this person. Your interactions with him or her are based solely on your need to co parent a child with them. If the discussion does not further this goal and if you believe the conversation being had or actions being taken will potentially harm your child then it is best to take a giant step back.
Your physical space determines a great deal of how you will interact with your ex spouse
If you have created a post-divorce life that allows your ex spouse to be a constant physical presence in it I would advise that you re-evaluate that decision. It is not wrong to spend time with your ex spouse. It is not wrong to wish him or her well in their post divorce life.
It will most likely bring trouble for both of you, however, if he or she is in your home or otherwise spending time with you on an extended basis. Part of your divorce was being able to achieve closure on a relationship and a phase in your life that was in many ways harmful to you. Allowing your ex spouse to be a part of your new phase in life risks creating the same atmosphere that led you to follow through with a divorce in the first place.
There is a fine line between aiding a relationship that will be critical to the success of your child and potentially harming yourself emotionally in the long run. If you are aware of your actions toward your ex spouse and are willing to work to improve yourself from an emotional standpoint then your chances of recovering fully from your divorce in order to co parent effectively are extremely high.
Questions about divorce in Texas? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC today
Whether you are contemplating a divorce, going through a divorce currently or having an issue with your divorce decree after a divorce has been completed please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC with any questions. Our team of licensed family lawattorneys represents clients across southeast Texas and we would be honored to speak with you about the services we can provide you and your family as well. A consultation is free of charge and is available to you six days a week.
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Other Articles you may be interested in:
- Co-parenting: Assisting your child in their post-divorce life
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- When Your Child's Extended Family Wants Visitation in Texas
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Kingwood Divorce Lawyer
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with ar Kingwood, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.
A divorce lawyer in Kingwood TX is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC handles Divorce cases in Spring, Texas, Cypress, Spring, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.