For many people who have gone through a divorce the toughest step is oftentimes the first one. A marriage that has lasted for sometimes many years is understandably difficult to end given me emotional, relational, familial and financial implications of doing so. The fact of the matter is that a marriage is very rarely wandered into and is very rarely wandered out of. we may do a lot in this life without thinking or planning out the consequences, but it is my experience that a divorce is not one of those things. Most people who file for divorce do so very intentionally they were the specific set of goals in mind. Whether or not those goals are achievable or even reasonable it can be a different matter altogether.
One thing that I would point out is that if you are struggling with the decision of whether or not to file for divorce and that wouldn't make you anything but normal. Just as I noted that most people who file for divorce have a plan in mind as far as how to get the divorce, what goals to prioritize and the methods that they will employ to achieve those goals it is equally is true that those same people Take seriously the impacts of a divorce on their life in that of their family. Do not think that you are being indecisive or unreasonable if you cannot quite come to terms with your desire to get a divorce. The fact of the matter is that you may go back and forth multiple times before deciding which way to go one way or the other.
I have the opportunity to speak with many people who are considering a divorce and are reliant upon the advice love people who have been there before when it comes to deciding whether or not to move forward. Family law attorneys have a unique perspective on divorce given our close proximity to those who have gotten divorced before and our ability to help people woman whether or not what colors they may have for their particular divorce or reasonable or not. Sometimes our attorneys talk to people you have goals for their divorce that are completely unreasonable and unlikely to occur even on the best day in court. Those same people will tell you that if they are not able to achieve those specific goals and divorce then they would rather just stay married.
The decision whether or not to get a divorce is unique to each person who is considering that decision. Somebody reading this blog post may believe that your safety and well-being is at risk due to abuse or neglect by your spouse. Others of you may have more superficial problems with your marriage that could be solved more readily through better communication and marriage counseling. However, you may be surprised to learn that different people in different circumstances may find different reasons to believe that their marriage is destined for divorce. what may be an intolerable situation to you may be just the opposite to your neighbor and vice versa.
Once we establish that the reasons for getting a divorce are as unique as the people who find themselves getting married, we can then consider all of the outside scenarios and circumstances that play into whether or not to get a divorce. All of our lives have unique components to them that require a great deal of introspection and thought before important decisions are made. Think about all the different factors in your life regarding your children, your finances, your religious faith, your employment, your family, your safety and everything else in between. These are all relevant considerations to make one decide whether or not to get a divorce.
Obviously, in the year 2020 your safety and health take on added importance when it comes to the decision of whether or not to get a divorce. The year of the Corona virus pandemic has placed an added focus on our well-being. Not only has this virus caused us 2 focus more heavily on our physical health and that of our families but it has also shifted focus from time to time on our emotional well-being and our financial well-being. I would like to spend some time discussing each of these topics and how they may relate to your decision on whether or not to get a divorce during the coronavirus pandemic.
The emotional impacts of the coronavirus pandemic on your decision whether or not to get a divorce
A person's emotional health Often times has as great an impact on their physical health as any other factor in their lives. It is undoubtedly a sad thing to know just how many Americans and people around the world have died from the coronavirus and secondary causes exacerbated by the virus itself. In addition to these deaths we also have to consider the importance of deaths from despair and other emotional problems related to the pandemic. If you are unfamiliar with this idea, then let's take some time to go over more fully.
It probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that the emotional and mental health of our nation and world has suffered in 2020. Not only are people concerned with their physical health but they are also concerned with every other aspect of their lives. By mandating stay at home orders and other similar prohibitions Regarding socializing and working outside the home governments around the world have placed a significant burden on each one of us. While the idea of keeping one another safe by encouraging social distancing is not bad in and of itself in my opinion the result of these government mandates has born a great deal of consequence for us in terms of our emotional well-being.
Remember that human beings are social creatures and even in an age where people are able to communicate and interact with one another digitally there is still something about person to person interactions that we as human beings crave in need. The inability to exercise our innate need to interact directly with one another is a huge problem and one that we have not quite been able to solve during this pandemic. Think about the missed opportunities you had in the workplace, but in religious services and just in your neighborhood to interact with your usual social circles due to people's concerns, fear and honoring of social distancing mandates. These are not insignificant matters to consider especially if you are going through troubles in your marriage.
When you and I go through tough times in our lives we look for outlets to distract ourselves and get well from an emotional perspective despite the tough times we are going through. For many of us, getting a quick bite to eat with friends for lunch or even shooting the breeze with coworkers can take our minds off of trouble at home and instead help us focus on issues that are more pleasing and less stressful then problems in our marriages. What this year has done to us is remove our ability to engage in these relationships and instead we are left to deal with our own thoughts regarding whatever problems we're dealing with in our lives most notably stress within our marital relationships.
Without these release valves we are left to take these stresses home and instead ruminate upon them directly with our spouses. This is typically a recipe for disaster as many of us are not equipped to cycle through the emotions and communicate them affectively to our spouses in a way that can produce growth and bettering of the relationship. Instead, we either keep these emotions under wraps until they boil over or frequently let go of them in a way that is counterproductive.
The end result is that you make feel like the problems in your marriage are more significant than they may actually be due to your inability to talk them through either with your spouse or with someone in your life whom you trust. Emotional concerns tend to eat away at us and usually do not improve overtime unless concrete and concerted action is taken to do so. Unless you are a very healthy person from an emotional perspective you probably don't have all the tools necessary to find yourself in this category. as such, your risk of finding a divorce to be more necessary in 2020 may outweigh the risk too falling prey to divorce in any other year.
Financial concerns in their impact on your divorce during the current a virus pandemic
irrespective of issues regarding your emotional state during the pandemic, there are very real financial concerns that may be more obvious to you and your spouse that will impact the state of your marriage and your decision on whether or not to proceed with the divorce. Just like emotional issues, financial issues can sometimes bubble under the surface but will eventually rise too the surface of your marriage and can cause significant problems if left unchecked.
For starters, it is very possible that you may have lost your job due to the pandemic or the government's response to the pandemic. 10s of millions of Americans are still out of work right now as compared to earlier this year. The troublesome thing about a pandemic like the one that we are going through is that many areas of the economy will take far longer to recover than others. If you're career depended on your ability to interact with others directly then your job may have to change or may never come back at all. Just consider all the people who have worked in movie theaters, cruise lines and other particularly high-risk locations.
Before you can even consider a divorce in the cost that come with it both in times of dollars and time commitment it is likely that you will want to get your financial house in order. Being able to afford a divorce would necessarily mean that you are able to afford your 4 walls in terms of housing, food, transportation costs and your utilities. If you are unable to afford the essentials, then it is unlikely that you would even be considering a divorce. Getting your arms wrapped around these subjects would be a good first step to moving forward with a divorce case.
Once you have decided that you can make it through your life from a financial perspective during this pandemic then you can step forward and consider whether or not a divorce is something you can afford to take on and whether or not the costs are justified by you are legitimate reasons to get divorced. Basically, I am suggesting that you ask yourself whether or not the juice is worth the squeeze. if your reasons for getting divorced are not sufficient enough to move forward with the risks and cost involved then you will likely want to now get a divorce at this time in may opt to engage in marriage counseling or therapy.
On the other hand, if you believe that there are sufficient reasons to justify divorce in your case and wish to move forward despite the financial hardships that you may encounter along the way and that is also an ok decision to make. You should find an attorney that you trust to represent you in your case, and you will be best served to have an attorney who focuses on family law to represent you. Why is this so important, and how does having an experienced family law attorney buyer side potentially impact your ability to have a good financial outcome in your divorce?
As the old saying goes, time is money. The more time you spend with in your case the more money the case will end up costing you. A shorter and more efficient divorce should lead you to have a less expensive divorce and one that you are better able to afford as a result. The trouble with the divorce is similar to the trouble with owning a small business. All of this sounds reasonable and easy enough to accomplish but then you have to consider that other people besides you are involved. While you cannot always influence and control what your spouse does in the divorce you are certainly able to control how you select the attorney who will be representing you.
Hiring an experienced family law attorney to represent you in your divorce is critical to your success both from a strategic standpoint in the divorce and from a financial standpoint. I cannot think of a better time to exemplify this position than the current pandemic. Your time is valuable and your ability to utilize that time affectively has been pushed to its limits during this pandemic. Better to have an attorney by your side who understands this than one who does not. Additionally, as we have already covered a divorce can eat away at precious financial resources that you can use to recover from any blows dealt to you in the early stages of this pandemic by the virus or the government mandated shutdowns in response to it.
Whatever your current financial situation may be there is no doubt that none of us can afford to be foolish with our money. I am willing to bet that every person reading this blog post works hard and does so in order to provide for ourselves, our spouses and our families. Nobody wants all of that effort to go for nothing and instead be swept up into and attorneys fee or the coffers of a County or District Court. Rather, the best way to accomplish financial goals and build wealth is too keep your income in house rather than giving it to other people.
Closing thoughts on divorce in the age of the coronavirus pandemic
it goes without saying that we have all been through a great deal this year. No matter how the virus has touched you and your family it will be understandable to be at wits and in terms of your sanity and patience. If you feel that a divorce is on the horizon then you have options as to how he want to proceed. My suggestion would be to act intentionally and take as much time as possible to consider whether or not getting a divorce is something that is in your best interest. What you want to avoid doing is wandering into a divorce because it is almost impossible to simply wander out of one.
Questions about the material presented in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material presented in today's blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about the services provided to our clients by our attorneys and staff.