If you have recently become engaged and are planning on getting married for a second time then I'm sure that your hope is that this marriage will turn out much better than your first. for many people who embark upon a second marriage the hope of a better outcome is there but the planning and forethought towards achieving that goal is not necessarily present. It just so happens that our ability is people to create goals is not necessarily up to the task of actually putting forth the effort to get there. That's not a knock on an those of you reading this blog post it's just what I have observed in my time as a husband, father and family law attorney. Sometimes our lofty ambitions are not equaled by our ambition towards planning to achieve that goal.
I think this is a major mistake. When it comes to goal setting there are a few things that you can do in order to help achieve whatever goal you have in mind. Before we even get into whether or not your second marriage should include a prenuptial agreement, I would like to spend some time walking through what it means to not only create a goal for yourself but to set yourself up for success in working to achieve that goal. In order so that we don't have a number of unfulfilled and unachieved goals in our life we can discuss just how important it is to take steps along the way to help ourselves achieve those goals no matter what they may be.
How to set goals and actually achieve them
Goal setting is just like any other endeavor that we have in our lives. We need to be intentional and specific about our goals and then set out to achieve them. if you want to achieve a successful marriage in your second attempt at that relationship then you need to get past the flowery language that you might hear on television in the movies and get down to the nitty gritty of what you actually want to achieve. For instance, if you want a marriage where your communication is strong and that leads you towards a happy and fulfilled relationship then you need to be specific about how you are going to achieve that goal.
What does it take to accomplish this goal? What steps are involved in the process of becoming a good communicator with your spouse? In what settings should you work especially hard in order to accomplish this goal? It would seem to me that if you want to be a good communicator with your spouse and if you believe that this is the number one quality too avoiding a second divorce then you should work towards communicating on a frequent basis with your spouse. This does not just mean saying goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening and then going your separate ways during the day, but it can mean having honest in open lines of communication with your spouse.
It can also mean sharing your concerns rather than burying them deep inside of you until it feels like you're going to burst. Marriage is all about give and take Ann if all you do is take from your spouse and expect him or her to do all of the giving then your marriage will be in trouble. Why not take the time to establish how you want your marriage to be with your spouse before you even get married? Helping to establish mutually held goals and also to make it apparent that you are willing and able to communicate well with one another is an important step towards accomplishing your goal of being a good communicator in marriage.
Next, you should consider how you can take your goals and make them measurable. Sometimes this is more easily said than done depending on the type of goal that you have. Using our above example of having the goal to be in good communication with your spouse, it can be somewhat more difficult to put an actual measurable goal alongside the overall goal of becoming a better communicator. Are you able to set up benchmarks for yourself they have one or two conversations per week where you share your thoughts and feelings on a particular subject with your spouse? Or, will you make it your goal to have three to four instances per week where you ask your spouse questions and simply listen to his or her responses?
If you have a goal in your marriage to help reduce debt with you and your fiancé then you should use your communication skills to find out how much debt is at issue and then determine a schedule for how to pay the debt down. Figuring out exactly how much debt you have, a timeline for paying down the debt and then breaking the debt down into weekly and monthly payments is a good way to go about attacking this particular goal. Not only does it force you and your spouse to communicate with one another, but it also forces you to create specific goals to take steps towards achieving your ultimate overreaching goal of reducing debt.
One of the toughest things about creating measurable goals for yourself is too determine just how long it will take you to reach each of these goals. Again, if your goal is something that is countable, such as reducing debt, then your timeline will be a little bit more clearcut. However, if your goal is more akin to something like becoming a better communicator with your spouse then you may need to become creative in how you determine when and where benchmarks are actually reached.
In order to avoid giving yourself an open-ended period of time to accomplish these goals I would recommend that you make each goal that you set more time sensitive. All of us need a finish line when it comes to accomplishing goals. If runners set off at the beginning of a race and were not told for how long they had to run each person would being trouble as far as determining how hard to push at the beginning, how long to sustain effort in the middle and how big of a finishing charge to offer at the end of the course. On the other hand, when runners know exactly how long will race they have to run it is more likely that they will put forth better and more sustained efforts due to a shared knowledge of the goal in mind.
The same goes for you and your marriage. If you want to make sure that by the end of 2021 that you and your spouse are not only married but in a communicative relationship then you need to give yourself a firm deadline. This way you will not put that goal off into the future for an indefinite amount of time only to never have accomplished the goal at all. Rather, you should consider a specific timeline and then give yourself a deadline to accomplish whatever goal you have period along the way you can assess how effective you have been at not only implementing goals but achieving them.
The final bit of advice that I would give as far as how to work on accomplishing goals in marriage would be that you need to put your goals down in writing. From my experience, there is benefit in a mental sense to being able to see in clear cut language the goals that we have established for one another. Think about it in terms of our nation. Our leaders and teachers talk about the United States constitution and what it provides for us as far as how we govern ourselves. These are lofty ambitions contained in this document and are something that we can all turn to and read through when we have questions about where we're headed as a nation.
However, just think about if our founding fathers had not written down these goals and protections in a single document. I don't think that we would have been able to live up to them as well as the nation had they just been oral traditions passed down verbally. Rather, putting these goals down into a document and making it so we can all refer to them whenever the need arises made the goals that much more achievable. The same is true for you and your marriage. I have known a families to create family constitutions where the credos and goals of the family are written down in plain language for all to see. You and your spouse can essentially do the same thing for yourselves by creating a prenuptial agreement.
is a prenuptial agreement right for you and your spouse as you head into marriage number two?
Now that we have walked through some effective ways for you to create goals for your marriage I think it should be pretty obvious that for many people heading into a second marriage that it would at least be beneficial to consider drafting a prenuptial agreement. We can talk about the legal principles that should lead a person to consider having a prenuptial agreement but the reality of the situation is that if you are on your second marriage it should be patently obvious that there are goals that you need to work on in order to improve the likelihood that your second marriage will not end the same way as your first.
you can think of a prenuptial agreement as you're in your fiancés family constitution or goal setting for one another. By creating a prenuptial agreement, you have chosen to avoid a future where disagreements occur over money and one where you and your spouse will need to negotiate then go back and forth over these subjects when you are not on good terms in a divorce. You can remove the stress associated with finances in a divorce by drafting a prenuptial agreement before you even get married.
What a prenuptial agreement also does is it forces you and your fiancé to focus on the areas of your lives that may need some work. For example, if you are entering into this second marriage with a great deal of personal wealth but your spouse to be as very little in the way of wealth or income this may be a problem for you and your marriage. So, it would behoove you to work to communicate with your spouse on these issues to be clear on how money will or will not impact your marriage. This is a much better plan than to head into marriage having never spoken about money or how your family will view wealth and all of the circumstances that come along with having wealth.
You and your spouse may have never spoken about finances before and it may be difficult for you. It may even have been the primary reason why you got divorced in your first marriage. Why not sit down with two experienced family law attorneys in order to help both of you walk through any issues that may be a factor in your lives should a divorce occur in the future? Drafting a prenuptial agreement does not curse your marriage or jinx it. On the contrary, I think there are good arguments to be made that a prenuptial agreement can actually help you under spell stay married rather than push you off a cliff towards divorce.
Questions about the material presented in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
if you have any questions about the material presented in today's blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law and about the services that our law office can provide to you and your family as clients.