As soon as your warrior spouse begins to question the faithfulness of the other, it is a sure sign that your marriage is in trouble. Having trust in your spouse is one of the fundamental components of a functioning marriage. When that trust erodes over time, it can mean that your marriage is headed towards a divorce. Especially difficult 2 consider our questions regarding the fidelity of your spouse concerning the wedding. If you believe that your spouse is unfaithful, then it can be a deflating and demoralizing feeling.
Many of the clients that we are fortunate to represent here at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are involved in divorce cases resulting from infidelity on the part of their spouse. While not every divorce has cheating involved in the equation, unfortunately, a great many do. As a result, years of a good relationship can be undone by a few bad decisions and a lack of trust involved in the relationship. If you find yourself in a position where you are wondering whether or not your spouse has been unfaithful, then it is likely this fundamental lack of trust that is the most significant detriment to your marriage.
While our attorneys are not private investigators, we have developed a fair amount of experience in working with people who have had their lives turned upside down due to infidelity on the part of their spouses. No two divorces are the same, but I can tell you that there are many divorces where there are common signs of infidelity involved in the relationship. That is what I would like to discuss with you today in today's blog post. If you are concerned that your spouse has been unfaithful to you, I would like to share with you some of the common signs that you may be able to look for when determining whether or not your spouse has been unfaithful to you.
Your spouse is involved in relationships that you know little about
When I'm talking about relationships, I do not necessarily mean any long-term or committed romantic relationships. Instead, I am referencing our relationships where your spouse consistently spends time with another person and knows little about them. That is the challenging part about being married: your spouse has a life outside of your marriage, and unless you have a great deal of trust between the two of you, you cannot be sure whether or not they are faithful within the marriage.
At the same time, you cannot assume that every friendship or relationship your spouse has is related to infidelity. Just as a circumstance where your spouse is unfaithful is one where you do not trust your spouse even when they are engaging in benign, damning friendly behavior with other people. If you find that your spouse is developing new friendships or engaging in social circles you have no prior relationship to; you may want to start asking questions about who they are spending their time with.
For instance, if you have asked on multiple occasions to be involved in her new friendship groups, I have been told now that this may be a sign that she is not faithful to you. After all, the person you should want to spend the most time with is your spouse, and occasionally being involved in their social life is likely not asking too much. So, if you were to ask to be included in the next planning of an event with your spouse and their new friend and are told no by your spouse, then this may be a sign of some degree of infidelity.
Likewise, you can look at the activities that your spouse and their new friend group engage in to determine the likelihood that unfaithful activities are ongoing. While it is difficult to make assumptions about individual events, you can look at the totality of the circumstances and determine for yourself the likelihood of unfaithful behavior. The more time your spouse spends outside of the home, the more time spent outside the house in the evenings, the more involved your spouse becomes in activities that do not involve you. It is fair to say that the likelihood of unfaithful behavior increases.
The bottom line is that it is not uncommon for spouses to have friends that are not common to their partners. I can tell you from my marriage that my wife has friends that I don't know very well, and I have friends that she does not know very well. However, I would tell you that if your spouse begins to spend more time with friends that you don't know than they spend with you, that may be a problem and could be a sign of unfaithful behavior within the marriage.
It is up to you how to address this issue. To me, the best route would be to directly address the problem with your spouse try and Be accusatory of them. Ask questions and stay involved. On many occasions, I have listened to spouses tell me that they had no idea that their spouse was engaging in any nefarious behavior simply because he or she had checked out mentally. Do not let your trusting nature and your propensity to drift off into your world negate any healthy curiosity or skepticism of relationships that may end up hurting your marriage.
Follow the money
One of the surefire ways to determine whether or not any unfaithful behavior is ongoing between your spouse and another person is to look at your bank account. If you spot charges or withdrawals seemingly coming out of nowhere, then it may be in your best interest to investigate further. Using your community income to spend money on gifts, meals, or other expenditures for a side relationship is a massive problem in marriage. It is also a problem in a divorce case and can come back to cost your spouse a great deal.
If you and your spouse were to get a divorce, you should keep track have any charges; if credit cards or withdrawals from bank accounts that were utilized to benefit a girlfriend or boyfriend, then these are charges that you can potentially get back in the form of reimbursement during your divorce. In the alternative, you may be able to seek a disproportionate share of your community estate based on your spouse wasting community funds on this other person.
Another way to check on the behavior of your spouse that is related to money is to look at their habits and see if they change over time. You know the habits of your spouse better than anyone. As such, you should be able to quickly identify when your spouse begins to engage in behavior that is uncommon for them. As we saw with the section of today's blog post on new relationships, you should not become A spouse who does not stay involved in their relationship. When you find yourself questioning a recent activity that your spouse is engaging in without you, you should listen to your inner voice telling you that this is out of the ordinary for them.
In addition to new activities that your spouse’s engaging in, you may want to look out for unique items such as clothes, jewelry, or other personal effects that they may have received from another person. Again, I hear from wronged spouses that they did not know that their spouse was engaging in unfaithful behavior. While this can sometimes be a legitimate excuse, it often evidences your being somewhat checked out of the relationship.
From my experiences both as a married person and as an attorney, I can tell you that the more engaged in the relationship, the less likely your spouse will be unfaithful. An active and involved spouse is much more challenging to be unfaithful towards than one who is checked out and going through the motions of the relationship. So, if you intend to do everything in your power to keep your spouse from being unfaithful, you should be as big a part of their life as possible and seek to have them be as big a part of your life as possible.
in closing out today's blog post, I would like to talk about a type of infidelity that can be just as damning to marriage but is much less discussed. In an age where student loans and other types of debt are out of control, attorneys frequently encounter more incidents involving financial infidelity than ever before. While it can be confirmed that relational, sexual, and economic affairs can interrelate, each of these types of infidelities can occur very quickly on their own; It is also true that these types of infidelities often relate to one another.
We can see this regarding financial infidelity being foremost among them. One of the challenging parts of your marriage is taking a leap of faith regarding trusting a spouse that you may have reason to be untrustworthy of. They may have engaged in bad behavior before that has led you to question their motives or behaviors. Financial infidelity may not feel like as much of a compromise of trust in your relationship as sexual infidelity, but the roots of the problem are often very similar. Both types can come from a lack of concern for the other person and a belief that what you need is more important than what you and your spouse need in your relationship.
Financial infidelity means that your spouse has been dishonest with you regarding how your finances are being handled. You can look at the situation as being potentially ripe for financial infidelity if you allow your spouse to control your family finances without you providing any input. I hear it from spouses who tell me that they trust their spouse to handle the finances primarily while they handle other areas of the marriage. While this may be a plan that works well for group projects in school, I can tell you that it is not a method that works well for a marriage.
It may also be a warning sign that financial infidelity occurs if your spouse is secretive about their job, the money they make, and your finances and is skeptical when you ask questions about any of these areas. Financial infidelity can show itself through binge spending, purchasing luxury items without your knowledge, and impulse buying of various things. Suppose you want to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you may be vulnerable to these unfaithful expire spouses. In that case, it is best to be as vigilant as you can when it comes to your bank account and finances and be aware of what items enter your house. Well, no one can know everything that goes on in their home at all times; you can increase the odds of you noticing significant changes like this by being present and paying attention.
Questions about the material contained in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today's blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law and the services that our law office can provide to you and your family as clients of ours.