As soon as you warrior spouse begins to question the faithfulness of the other it is a sure sign that your marriage is in trouble. Having trust in your spouse is one of the fundamental components of a functioning marriage. When that trust begins to be eroded over the course of time it can mean that your marriage is headed towards a divorce. Especially difficult 2 consider our questions regarding the fidelity of your spouse in relation to the marriage. If you believe that your spouse is being unfaithful, then it can be a deflating and demoralizing feeling.
Many of the clients that we are fortunate to represent here at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are involved in divorce cases as a result of infidelity on the part of their spouse. While not every divorce has infidelity involved in the equation, there are unfortunately a great many that do. As a result, years of a good relationship can be undone by a few bad decisions and a lack of trust involved in the relationship. If you find yourself in a position where you are wondering whether or not your spouse is been unfaithful, then it is likely this fundamental lack of trust that is the biggest detriment to your marriage.
While our attorneys are not private investigators, we have developed a fair amount of experience in working with people who have had their lives turned upside down due to infidelity on the part of their spouse. No two divorces are the same, but I can tell you that there are many divorces where there are common signs of infidelity involved in the relationship. That is what I would like to discuss with you today in today's blog post. In the event that you are concerned that your spouse has been unfaithful to you then I would like to share with you some of the common signs that you may be able to look for when determining whether or not your spouse has been unfaithful to you.
Your spouse is involved in relationships that you know little about
When I'm talking about relationships, I do not necessarily mean any long-term or committed romantic relationships. Rather, what I am referencing our relationships where your spouse is spending time with another person on a consistent basis and you know little about him or her. That is the tough part about being married: your spouse has a life outside of your marriage and unless you have a great deal of trust between the two of you then you cannot be sure whether or not he or she is being faithful within the marriage.
At the same time, you cannot assume that every friendship or relationship that your spouse has is one that is related to infidelity. Just as a circumstance where your spouse is being unfaithful is one where you do not trust your spouse even when he or she is engaging in benign, damning friendly behavior with other people. if you find that your spouse is developing new friendships or engaging in social circles that you have no prior relationship to then you may want to start asking questions about who he or she is spending their time with.
For instance, if you have asked on multiple occasions to be involved in her new friendship groups I have been told now that this may be a sign that she is not being faithful to you. After all, the person that you should want to spend the most time with is your spouse and occasionally being involved in their social life is likely not asking too much. So, if you were to ask to be included in the next planning of an event with your spouse and their new friend and are told no by your spouse then this may be a sign of some degree of infidelity occurring.
Likewise, you can look at the activities that your spouse and their new friend group are engaging in in order to determine the likelihood that unfaithful activities are ongoing. While it is difficult to make assumptions about individual events you can look at the totality of the circumstances and determine for yourself the likelihood of unfaithful behavior. The more time that your spouse is spending outside of the home, the more time that is spent outside the home in the evenings in the more involved your spouse becomes in activities that do not involve you it is fair to say that the likelihood of unfaithful behavior increases.
The bottom line is that it is not uncommon for spouse to have friends that are not common to their partner. I can tell you from my marriage that my wife has friends that I don't know very well, and I have friends that she is not know very well. However, what I would tell you is that if you're spouse begins to spend more time with the friends that you don't know then he or she spends with you then that may be a problem and could be a sign of unfaithful behavior within the marriage.
It is up to you how to address this issue. To me, the best route would be to directly address the problem with your spouse try and Be accusatory of him or her. Ask questions and stay involved. On many occasions I have listened to spouses tell me that they had no idea that their spouse was engaging in any kind of nefarious behavior simply because he or she had checked out mentally. Do not let your trusting nature and your propensity to drift off into your own world negate any healthy curiosity or skepticism of relationships that may end up hurting your marriage.
Follow the money
One of the surefire ways to determine whether or not any unfaithful behavior is ongoing between your spouse and another person is to look at your bank account. If you spot charges or withdrawals that are seemingly coming out of nowhere then it may be in your best interest to investigate further. Using your community income to spend money on gifts, meals or other expenditures for a side relationship is a huge problem in a marriage to say the least. It is also a problem in a divorce case and can come back to cost your spouse a great deal.
If you and your spouse were to get a divorce you should keep track have any charges, If credit cards or withdrawals from bank accounts that were utilized to benefit a girlfriend or boyfriend, then these are charges that you can potentially get back in the form of a reimbursement during the course of your divorce. In the alternative, you may be able to seek a disproportionate share of your community estate based on your spouse wasting community funds on this other person.
Another way to check on the behavior of your spouse that is related to money is to look at his or her habits and to see if they change over time. You know the habits of your spouse better than anyone. As such, you should be able to easily identify when your spouse begins to engage in behavior that is uncommon for him or her. As we saw with the section of today's blog post on new relationships, you should not become A spouse who does not stay involved in his or her relationship. When you find yourself questioning a new activity that your spouse is engaging in without you should listen to your inner voice that is telling you that this is out of the ordinary for him or her.
In addition to new activities that your spouse’s engaging in you may want to look out for new items such as clothes, jewelry or other personal effects that he or she may have received from another person. Again, I hear from wronged spouses all the time that they simply did not know that their spouse was engaging in unfaithful behavior. While this can sometimes be a legitimate excuse, much of the time it evidences your being somewhat checked out of the relationship.
For my experiences both as a married person in as an attorney, I can tell you that the more engaged in the relationship that you are the less likely it is that your spouse will be unfaithful. An active and involved spouse is much more difficult to be unfaithful towards then one that is checked out and going through the motions of the relationship. so, if your intent is to do everything in your power to keep your spouse from being unfaithful you should be as big a part of their life as possible and seek to have him or her be as big a part of your life as possible.
in closing out today's blog post I would like to spend some time talking about a type of infidelity that can be just as damning to a marriage but is much less discussed. In an age where student loan and other types of debt are out of control, attorneys are much more frequently encountering incidents involving financial infidelity than ever before. While it can be true that relational, sexual and financial infidelity can interrelate each of these type of infidelities can occur very easily on their own, It is also true that these type of infidelities oftentimes relate to one another.
We can see this in regard to financial infidelity being foremost among them. One of the tough parts of your marriage is having to take a leap of faith in regard to trusting a spouse that you may have reason to be untrustworthy of. He or she may have engaged in bad behavior before that has led you to question their motives or behaviors. Financial infidelity may not feel like as much of a compromise of trust in your relationship as sexual infidelity, but the roots of the problem are oftentimes very similar. Both types can come from a lack of concern for the other person and a belief that what you need is more important than what you and your spouse need in your relationship.
Financial infidelity means that your spouse has been dishonest with you in terms of how your finances are being handled. You can look at the situation as being potentially ripe for financial infidelity if you allow your spouse to take control of your family finances without you providing any input. I hear it from spouses all the time who tell me that they trust their spouse too handle the finances primarily while they handle other areas of the marriage. While this may be a plan that works well for group projects in school, I can tell you that it is not a method that works well for a marriage.
It may also be a warning sign that financial infidelity is occurring if your spouse is secretive about their job, the money they make, your finances and are skeptical when you ask questions of any of these areas. Financial infidelity can show itself through binge spending, luxury items being purchased without your knowledge and impulse buying of various types of items. If you want to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you may be vulnerable to these types of unfaithful expire spouse it is best to be as vigilant as you can when it comes to your bank account and finances and to be aware of what items enter your house. Well no one can know everything that goes on in their home at all times you can increase the odds of you noticing large changes like this by being present and paying attention.
Questions about the material contained in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today's blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about the services that our law office can provide to you and your family as clients of ours.