Mediate, Don’t Litigate: How to Settle Your Divorce

A divorce is a deeply personal and complex matter, with numerous aspects to consider, from property division to child custody. Unlike other legal cases, divorce involves individuals who know each other intimately. So, why entrust the decision-making process to a stranger in a courtroom? This comprehensive guide from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, explores the alternative of mediation—mediate, don’t litigate—offering insights into how it can help couples reach fair divorce settlements while preserving their relationships.

Mediation is a highly effective method of dispute resolution in family law cases, allowing couples to actively participate in shaping their divorce outcomes. Instead of leaving crucial decisions to a judge, mediation empowers couples to collaboratively address various issues, such as property division, spousal support, and child custody. By fostering open communication and compromise, mediation not only expedites the divorce process but also promotes healthier post-divorce relationships between former spouses.

Your Divorce is Unique

While lawyers may have experience in handling various legal cases, divorce is unlike any other. The personal nature of divorce cases requires a different approach. Couples possess intimate knowledge of their circumstances, and their ability to collaborate can lead to more sensible and logical outcomes than a judge’s decision. Remember, no one understands your life and marriage better than you and your spouse.

Furthermore, the divorce process doesn’t merely conclude a legal battle—it shapes your future relationship with your ex-spouse, especially if you have children. The way you navigate the divorce and treat your spouse during this challenging time can profoundly impact your post-divorce co-parenting or financial interactions.

Prioritizing Goals Before Divorce

Before initiating divorce proceedings, it’s crucial to establish clear objectives and goals. Rank these goals by importance, starting with the most vital and working down to the least significant. Consult with an attorney to discuss strategies for achieving as many of these goals as possible. While it’s rare for parties to accomplish all their primary objectives, secondary goals are often within reach.

Understanding Mediation

Mediation is a formalized settlement negotiation process that can help couples resolve their divorce issues amicably. It involves you, your attorney, your spouse, and their attorney selecting a neutral third-party mediator. During the mediation sessions, you and your spouse remain in separate rooms while the mediator shuttles between you, facilitating discussions, conveying settlement offers, and providing insights into potential court rulings.

In a divorce, it’s often better to mediate and don’t litigate to reach amicable agreements that prioritize both parties’ interests. Mediating, not litigating, can help save time, reduce stress, and preserve important relationships during this challenging process.

The mediator’s role is to guide you toward a mutually agreeable settlement, and if successful, a Mediated Settlement Agreement (MSA) is drafted, detailing the terms of your agreement. Subsequently, your attorney or your spouse’s attorney will create final orders that reflect the MSA’s terms, effectively concluding the divorce without the need for a contested trial.

Steps to Successful Mediation

To maximize your chances of settling your divorce through mediation, consider these three essential steps:

1. Treat Participants with Respect: Maintain a respectful and professional demeanor throughout the process. Avoid alienating your attorney or mediator by questioning their loyalty or intentions. They are there to provide guidance and help you make informed decisions.

2. Avoid Take-It-or-Leave-It Proposals: Instead of presenting inflexible proposals, embrace a collaborative approach. Show a willingness to negotiate and compromise rather than asserting dominance. Mediation is an opportunity for reasonableness and forward-thinking, not a power struggle.

3. Provide Complete Information: Transparency is key. Share all relevant information with your spouse and mediator. Concealing information can lead to suspicion and hinder trust-building. Openness fosters a cooperative environment where both parties can work toward a fair settlement.


Mediate, don’t litigate, as mediation offers divorcing couples an opportunity to craft fair settlements while preserving relationships. It empowers you and your spouse to take control of the divorce process, ensuring that your unique circumstances are considered. Before embarking on a contentious legal battle, consider mediation as a collaborative alternative. Consult with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, to explore how mediation can benefit your divorce case.

We offer complimentary consultations with our experienced family law attorneys six days a week. Reach out to us today to initiate a conversation about your divorce and how we can assist you and your family throughout the process.

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