Every divorce is different. With that said, the advice and perspective that you get from talking to other people about their divorce are limited in terms of how well it can be applied to your specific circumstances. This is because the divorce that your friend, coworker, or even a family member went through will be the same as yours. There are just too many circumstances that are involved in a divorce case to be able to say that your divorce will be the same as anyone else's. While it is never a bad thing to gain perspective on something you've never gone through you should take with a grain of salt any information you are provided regarding how your divorce may look compared to anyone else’s.
Going through a divorce as a law enforcement officer can be an especially difficult situation. Not only do you have an incredibly stressful job, but you are now having to deal with the consequences of a marriage that is struggling. Combining these elements until one can result in an incredibly difficult position for you and your family to be put in. many people in your position is to trustworthy information and develop a plan for their case. That is not a direction, but you should necessarily go in. Rather, learning as much as you can about divorce and understanding how the law will apply to your specific circumstances is important.
It is normal to feel a range of negative emotions as you proceed through a divorce. Law enforcement officers handle fear differently than most of us. However, as a law enforcement officer, it is not a bad thing to admit that you are scared or intimidated by a divorce. This is a normal human emotion. Being angry at yourself, your circumstances and your spouse is also normal. The feeling that you could have done more or that your spouse could have done more to save the marriage is one that many people encounter as they begin a divorce.
You may even resent your spouse as you head into the divorce. Rethinking the decisions that you made regarding your spouse and the trust that you placed in him or her is something that you will have to learn to deal with as you move through your divorce case. Ultimately the resentment that you feel towards your spouse may be a good place, but it will not be productive for you or your children. Being able to compartmentalize this resentment and instead use it as a motivating factor to develop a strong plan for your divorce is the best course of action.
Another emotion that you may be experiencing at this time is distrust. Being distrustful in a vulnerable period like the beginning of a divorce is also normal. The person and the relationship that you trusted most in this world have failed you in one way or another. As a result, you may feel like you don't know who to turn to or who is trustworthy in your life. The foundation of your home and your life is now in disarray then you were left trying to pick up the pieces and sort out where to go from here. Ultimately: who can you trust in execution like this?
Look to your support system to find trustworthy confidants
Relationships are incredibly important in life but are especially important as you go through a divorce. Being able to rely upon others from an emotional perspective may not be something we consider much in our day-to-day lives but is nonetheless very important. Simply having friends and people that we are close to can be enough to make a bad experience slightly more manageable for us.
I recommend to people going through divorce that they do their best to rely upon those in their life who get over your support, camaraderie, and perspective during a divorce. Your friends and family are a great place to start. These are the people who have been rock solid in your life and are people that you can hopefully trust now during an uncertain time. You need only reach out to them for their help and perspective during this time to gain potentially important insights into the process and overall support for you and your family.
Your intent may be to focus only on your divorce throughout the life of your case. Admittedly, I will recommend to clients that they do think intentionally about divorce and that the potential consequences of the case can be significant both now and in the future for you and your children. However, it is not as if the rest of your life will simply wait for you to catch up until your divorce is over with period rather, your work, children, and other interests will still demand your attention to various extents during the divorce case. As a result, it would be unhealthy and counterproductive to completely neglect those areas of your life. Your support circle can help you to remember this and can assist you in finding outlets for your energy during your case.
Another benefit of having a support system to rely upon during your divorce is that you will be less likely to lean on your children for support. Depending upon the age of your children you may see your children as uh potentially important source of support. I would caution you, however, to tell your children too much about the divorce or to overwhelm them with their worry or could surds. Remember that your children are not your peers. Your children may be more acutely affected by the divorce than you are. Therefore, I would not recommend putting too much on their plate as far as your divorce is concerned. You should certainly resist the urge to put your children into a role where they are plague peacekeepers and lead negotiators for you or your spouse.
You should let your children be children and instead lean on your adult support system as much as possible. Going through a divorce is not easy but doing so without a trusted system of friends and family is even more difficult. Fortunately for you, it is possible to succeed in divorce with the experience of a team of people around you. In addition to a team of family and friends, I recommend working with an experienced group of family law attorneys who can help you and whatever divorce circumstances you are facing.
When it comes to finding the right attorney for your case there is no better group of lawyers than those with the law office of Brian Fagan. The team of lawyers at the law office of Brian Fagan is second to none in terms of competence, experience, and advocacy. Whether you find yourself in a courtroom or the mediation room, our attorneys are proficient and strong advocates for your interests and those of your children. We take seriously the trust and confidence placed in us by our clients and seek to surpass their expectations each day.
If you would be interested in a free-of-charge consultation with one of our licensed family laws attorneys please do not hesitate to contact the law officer Brian Fagan today. We can offer you a free-of-charge consultation six days a week. Those consultations could be at one of our two Houston area locations, over the phone, or via video. The preference is completely up to you. We want you to understand that we are flexible when it comes to an initial consultation. However, our main objective is to represent our clients with strength, compassion, and competency.
Be aware of how your emotions can impact your finances
A good piece of advice that I have heard the people give regarding making financial decisions after the death of a loved one is to wait for six months or so before making any firm decisions. The reason why this advice is given is that people make bad decisions of any sort while they are going through a grief failed time. Certainly, this can be true when it comes to financial matters. The stakes can be high to make an otherwise avoidable mistake.
However, it is not as if you can wait to make important decisions in your divorce case. Once your divorce begins there are certain steps of the process that need to be completed to move towards a conclusion. With that said, being able to keep your emotions and expectations in check during the divorce is incredibly important. While it would be impossible to eliminate your emotions during a divorce it is important to note that you can make better decisions for yourself simply by looking at things as objectively as you can. Being objective forces you to look at a situation or medical record both from your perspective and from that of your spouse.
If you know that you are an emotional person missing is probably something that you have had to get under control to serve your community as a law enforcement officer. Having a law enforcement officer who is prone to fits of anger or otherwise is incapable of considering the situation from another person's perspective it's probably not the ideal officer.
Simply being aware of how your emotions may impact you in your case is incredibly important. In years past walking through a divorce and understanding how your emotions impact the case may be something more foreign. However, if you can understand the type of emotions that you are experiencing at the beginning of a case you will be better suited to Make strong decisions based on objective reality rather than those emotions. This will stand to benefit you now and in the future.
Select an attorney wisely
Being able to have a diligent and skilled representation in a divorce is critical. Between complex issues regarding your children and your finances, it is never a good idea to get divorced without first determining whether you could stand to benefit from having a family law attorney to represent you. This is true for several reasons that I would like to spend some time discussing in today's blog post. Not only do attorneys understand the law but they understand the practical consequences of the decisions you make in divorce and apply the Texas family code to the specific circumstances of your case.
Being able to determine where your divorce case comes to an end is an important step in this process. Many people assume that a divorce will necessarily and, in the courtroom, when this is not always the case. Rather, your case is more likely than not going to settle before a final trial. This pretrial settlement would likely come at mediation. Mediation is a process whereby you and your spouse would meet with a third-party mediator to help facilitate a discussion geared toward settling outstanding issues in your case. This mediator is likely an experienced family law attorney him or herself. However, the mediator would have no connection to you or your spouse.
Having an experienced family law attorney by your side can allow you to develop a strategy and game plan for preparing for mediation. Given that the stakes in mediation are so high you do not simply want to walk into mediation and assume that everything will work out fine in the end. Rather, you want to arrive at concrete settlement proposals on issues ranging from your children to your finances. The more specific you can be the more specific you are spouse can be as well period from there, you can leave little to chance and have everything in front of you in black and white. When it comes to preparing for mediation collecting documents, understanding finances, and seeing things from your spouse’s perspective are all important considerations. Having an experienced family law attorney, it's a great way to get to this stage of a case.
Simply having someone else available to help interact with your spouse can be a great advantage especially if you and your spouse are not on the best of terms now. It is amazing just how different your spouse may hear a settlement offer if it is proposed to him or her by a person other than you. Your attorney and your spouse’s attorney can step into the void and make settlement offers that are geared towards concluding your case amicably. The longer your divorce persists the more expensive it can become. Remember that the property that you can divide in a divorce becomes less and less the longer your case goes on.
When are you trying to learn more about divorce or are simply trying to figure out whether hiring an attorney is right for you why not reach out to a handful of attorneys and meet with them? Doing so will help you to get a feel for the attorney on an individual level. You are placing a lot of trust and two your relationship with that lawyer during a time when you may not be incredibly trustful of many people. The best way to combat this distrust is to learn as much as you can about the lawyer and to ask questions. Take the time to listen to the attorney and their responses. The best advice in the world may not come across that way if you are uncomfortable with the lawyer or get a feeling like he or she is not paying sufficient attention to you. Just like when you were dating, there are many fish in the sea when it comes to tiring lawyers. If you do not feel confident or comfortable with a particular attorney, you should move on.
Hiring an attorney who not only has experience in divorce but focuses on family law is important. Just like you had to learn the ropes as the law enforcement officer so, too, did the family law attorney have to learn the basics associated with representing clients who are going through difficult divorces. Not only is there a certain skill required when it comes to learning how to walk a person through their divorce but there is also a level of knowledge and skill required of managing the divorce process in Texas.
Being able to skillfully maneuver through the process of filing for divorce, setting up hearings, negotiating with opposing counsel, and making recommendations to you, your attorney plays a critical role in moving the case along. Be wary of hiring a lawyer who has never done this before or is not their primary focus. The attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan stand alone, in my opinion, when it comes to balancing each of these factors and always looking out for the best interests of you and your family.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations can help you as a law enforcement officer plan for a divorce or child custody case, depending upon your specific circumstances.