There is an understandable desire to move on after a divorce. To start fresh. Create a new chapter in the storybook of your life. Going through a divorce means betting on yourself. That your life after the divorce has more to offer than your life in your marriage. So, you take pride in yourself and your future. You take the plunge and file for divorce. At the moment you have more questions than answers. However, that’s ok. For now, it is enough to have moved past the divorce and into a new world. Something different is better even if it is not better right away. Does that mean finding a new partner after your divorce?
Then you start to think. The companionship aspect of marriage is something that keeps many people in otherwise failing marriages. Even though the fabric of the marriage may have been tattered you took some stability out of the relationship. Not only that, but your children did, too. They are your main concern over and above anything having to do with you. Caring for your children was a focus of your divorce and will be a focus of your life moving forward.
In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we are discussing when and how to introduce your children to a new partner after your divorce. This is not an easy question to answer. Fortunately, our attorneys have walked alongside many Texas families in your shoes. We take pride in guiding our clients through divorce cases. Our attorneys are prepared to do the same for you. Contact our office today for a free of charge consultation.
Think about the stability of your children when introducing a new partner
One of the most challenging parts of a divorce relates to the reality that you are trying desperately to find stability. A port in the storm, as they say. However, what is even more crucial is to find stability for your children. We like to think of our children as resilient. More resilient than we give them credit for, perhaps. Though many children have to deal with divorce it is not an easy transition.
The lives of your children are going through a significant amount of upheaval. Remember that your children lack the life experiences of you and your spouse. Therefore, it is unrealistic and unfair to expect your children to transition seamlessly into a divorce. They have no idea about the details of a divorce or its timeline. To them, their future has been completely thrown into turmoil. You are the person (along with your co-parent) to change that turmoil into something better.
Before you think for a moment about your own situation it is best to consider when your children should be introduced to a new partner after a divorce. Is it appropriate to introduce them to him or her during the divorce? Should you wait? These are questions that you need to ultimately ask yourself. You are the one who knows your situation best. Your children are able to succeed when you put them in a position to do so. The decisions you make next will impact your life and theirs.
Should you begin dating during your divorce?
Dating during your divorce is a complex situation to put yourself in. On the one hand, it is understandable that you should want to move on with your life. Although your marriage may have failed that does not mean you have given up on companionship and romance. In short, you identify that there is something desirable in the dating world. What that’s saying, what can you do to time your reentry into the dating world? This will help determine when it becomes appropriate for you to introduce your child to your new partner.
It is not advisable to begin dating during your divorce. Simply put, you are still married during the divorce. As a result, dating during the divorce is putting yourself in a position where you could technically commit adultery. Whatever your religious or moral beliefs are adultery is a fault ground for divorce in Texas. Although dating does not necessarily mean that you will meet the grounds for adultery it certainly puts you in proximity. Therefore, unless you want to open yourself up to potential liability when it comes to this issue it is best to not date.
You have so much happening in your case during a divorce. Your life is certainly in flux at that moment. To begin dating and opening yourself up to different experiences is making a difficult situation even tougher. Rather than decide which is understandable in the moment why not think for the long term? As you consider moving forward in your divorce the prospect of dating can enter the equation. However, there are a few circumstances that would lead an attorney to advise you that dating is appropriate during your case.
Consider the best interests of your child when introducing a new partner
In any child custody case, the best interests of your child are the factor that matters the most. To be sure, you have spent your divorce focusing on what positions your child the best when it comes to their life moving forward. This is also the legal standard through which the court views your case Ideally, you and your co-parent can work together on issues related to your child’s well-being. That said, one issue that you and your co-parent will not be working on together is when to introduce your child to your new partner after a divorce.
The introduction of your child to a new partner after a divorce is something that you will need to consider on your own. There is almost zero chance that your co-parent would be willing or interested in having that conversation with you. Think about the ways that your child’s life has changed in recent years. Then, consider what the introduction of a new person into their life could mean. While you attempt to find stability for your child it may be that introducing a new adult into their life could be something that harms your child.
It is best to be on the safe side when it comes to introducing your child to a new adult. That does not mean you have to forever hide your new romantic interest from your children. In fact, that would be inappropriate. What it does mean is that you need to seriously consider when the best time to make the introduction is. A new partner following a divorce can be a lot for a child to take on. Figuring out the appropriate words to use to make the introduction should give you a reason to take a step back and consider your options. The sensitivity of the subject combined with the emotional upheaval in your home makes this a challenge for any family.
Determine first how serious your relationship is with your new partner
It is understandable to be excited about a new relationship after a divorce. You have just come through an extremely difficult stage of your life. Now you are looking at new opportunities and new people to build relationships with. New relationships could be a romantic relationships. For those of you who are attempting to date after divorce then this will surely be a point in time where you make important decisions for yourself.
If you already have a romantic partner in your life, then you need to determine how serious the relationship is. I am not saying that this needs to be a person that you are considering marrying in the future. That is probably too much for you to think about now. If anything, any thoughts like this should probably be ruled out due to the proximity of your divorce. However, consider the trajectory of the relationship and what you can do to Anticipate where you would like the relationship to go.
This should involve a discussion with your partner. For some people, having this discussion will not be so simple. Coming out of a divorce you may not even want to have the conversation. That alone should tell you that the relationship is not overly serious. With that in mind, deciding about introducing your children to your new partner could take a back seat. On the other hand, if you and your partner believed the relationship to be serious then now may be a great time to introduce your children.
Coordinating this conversation regarding a new partner with your co-parent
Once you make the decision to talk to your children about your partner it then becomes important for you to do the same with your co-parent. Hopefully, the two of you have been able to communicate about important subjects related to your children. Even though the two of you are no longer married that does not mean that your relationship can come to a screeching halt. The relationship will change but it cannot end. The future of your children is at stake.
The conversation with your co-parent does not need to be heavy on the details of your new partner. That part of things could still be emotionally difficult for him or her to consider. This is especially true if you are having the talk not long after your divorce has come to an end. When it does come time to talk to your co-parent about the situation then you should be as diplomatic as possible. Couching the entire conversation in terms of how it impacts your children is a good direction to move in. If you can help your co-parent see the importance of this topic from the perspective of your children then you stand a better chance of getting the most out of this talk.
If you anticipate there being any challenges when it comes to your child custody schedule, then talk to your co-parent about that. There should not be disruptions to your parenting schedule. However, helping your children in any way possible should be the aim of your conversations. Learning how to co-parent is not easy. Working with an experienced family law attorney can help you develop those skills and place a focus on your children. Contact our office today for a free of charge consultation.
Setting up your life with a new partner after your divorce
One of the most stark differences between your life before the divorce and your life now is that a court has a say in how you lead your life. You can look at your court order to see if there are any limitations on the behavior that you can express around people of the opposite sex. For example, many court orders prevent a parent from having an unrelated adult in the home during what are normally sleeping hours. This is true anytime your children are in the home with you.
An unrelated adult could be a person that you are in a relationship with but are not married to. Violations of this order can result in potential problems. An example of this potential issue could be an enforcement case being filed against you. An enforcement case involves your co-parent petitioning the court to address any violations of an order. Fines, loss of parenting time, and the potential to lose parenting time in the future are all possible.
Be sure to understand what your court orders say regarding romantic partners in the home. Be sure to follow the court orders as best you can. It is not enough to be transparent with your co-parent about the situation. You should be transparent and follow the court orders as best you can. The more closely you can follow these court orders the greater your chance to Serve your children well.
Having an age-appropriate discussion with your children about a new partner
How you talk to your children about your new partner is as important as when you have the discussion. Nobody knows your children better than you do. As a result, you can spend time thinking about how you would like to talk to them about your new romantic interest. The way that you approach the conversation will likely be different depending on the age of your children.
Older children are better able to understand the issues at play. You can talk to your older children about the nature of the divorce and why you are pursuing a romantic relationship with your new partner. Your older children may have questions about your new partner, the relationship, and how it will affect them. These are reasonable questions for them to ask. Approaching the questions with a degree of humility and patience helps.
On the other hand, talking to your younger children may be more difficult. Your younger children may view your new partner as a potential replacement for your co-parent. This probably is not the impression that you are trying to make upon your child. However, the reality is that their questions are reasonable. Remember that they lack the experience and maturity of even older children.
As a result, you should not expect them to have even a basic level of knowledge about These issues. The more patience you can show with your children the better equipped your child will be to take on the challenges which come w after a divorce.
Final thoughts on introducing your children to a new partner after a divorce
Wanting to move forward with your life after a divorce is completely understandable. The stress and anxiety of a divorce are likely to have caused changes in how you approach your relationships and the people you let into your inner circle. It may even be reasonable to suggest that your life now is centered around focusing on the people who can help you rehabilitate your sense of self.
A romantic relationship may be a part of that discussion. For many people, finding a new romantic partner after a divorce may be just what you need to feel like you are making progress in reclaiming your identity. Legitimately, some marriages can cause people to feel like they are losing a sense of themselves. As a result, your new romantic partner could be the type of jolt you need in your life to begin to feel normal again.
However, you need to be able to balance this desire with your need to care for your children. Remember that a great deal of your divorce likely revolved around issues related to your children. With everything going on in your life after a divorce do not lose sight of the importance of your children. Most notably, do not lose sight of how important you are in the life of your child. This may be the most important factor of all to consider.
Any questions you have about the material contained in this blog post can be addressed to the attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Thank you for joining us here today on our blog.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
