Divorce is difficult for everyone. Whether you are divorcing early in your marriage or later, there are always issues and subjects that are especially difficult to manage. One of the most difficult issues in your case could be parenting your children through a divorce. Identifying the potential problem areas of your divorce can be complicated. Depending upon your family’s circumstances there can be several factors that are ongoing and impactful during your divorce.
This is where the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan come into play. Our attorneys know how to work alongside our clients to help them achieve success in their divorce cases. This means taking an approach geared towards the individual needs of our clients. As you attempt to learn how to parent your children through This time in your lives it is normal to feel overwhelmed. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan can help you manage these challenges together.
Any questions about the material we cover in today’s blog post can be addressed to one of our experienced family law attorneys. A consultation with one of our attorneys means that you can gain valuable insight into this important subject. Wherever you are in Texas the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are available to help you. With that said, here are some helpful tips on parenting your children through a divorce.
Divorce can be tough on children
Divorce can be difficult for children. As a result, parenting your children through a divorce is among the greatest challenges of your life as a mother or father. Many parents struggle when it comes to addressing the subject of divorce with their children. Common concerns are related to how your children will think about you as a parent in your day-to-day life. For instance, will your children think less of you because you and your spouse are getting a divorce? What sort of changes will result for your children because of the divorce?
These are just a handful of questions that may come about because of the divorce. Your job as a parent is not to gloss over these or to act like they are not relevant concerns for your family. Indeed, every family is different. This means that your family will have unique concerns to deal with throughout the divorce process. However, this also means that your family has unique strengths that can be tapped into when it comes to helping your family deal with the difficulties of a divorce.
That said, when it comes to divorce being especially hard on children you should not gloss over the subject. Many parents optimistically will share an opinion that their children are resilient. While this is an optimistic position to take it is usually not accurate. Even if your children are especially resilient there are very few children who would be unaffected by a divorce. As a result, you need to take seriously whatever challenges your family will be facing because of the divorce. An experienced family law attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan can help you maximize your child’s ability to withstand the challenges of divorce.
Why is divorce difficult for children?
When it comes to parenting your children through a divorce, it is especially difficult because each family is different. If the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan knew exactly what made divorce more difficult for children, we would tell you specifically in this blog post. While we can share our thoughts on what has proved to be difficult for families over the years that does not mean that your child will be impacted by divorce in the same way as another family. In short, you need to identify the most likely reasons why divorce will be difficult for your family.
For starters, divorce is difficult for children because it disrupts the consistency and stability of their lives. As much as adults can complain about this subject, children thrive on stability and consistency. This means that your children do better in environments where they can live lives that are relatively free from disruption and discord. The more simplicity and predictability in the life of your child, the better off they will be.
This is especially true for children who have special needs. If you are the parent of a special needs child, then helping your child through the divorce takes even more intentionality. Having a plan to help your child manage the stresses and anxiety of divorce is especially important when your child deals with a special need. As you begin to work through the challenges of your divorce start by thinking about your child. Walk with your child through a day in their life. From there you can begin to identify specific factors that are more likely than not to be helpful for him or her.
Co-parenting: how is it possible during a divorce?
Helping your child make it through a divorce is possible with effective co-parenting. Co-parenting is a subject that has the attention of many people in the world of Texas family law. However, as it is a subject that is commonly discussed it may also be thought of in the wrong way. Many people consider Co-parenting to be important only during the divorce. After that, you and your co-parent can go your separate ways and parent on your terms.
While this may be easier for some families it certainly will not be beneficial to your child. Rather, help your child to succeed after a divorce by working with him or her to find what areas of their life can be improved through your intervention. It may be that your child just needs you to give him or her some time during the week for regular communication. Or your child may need something more structured like therapy or counseling.
Whatever the situation may be, parenting your child through a divorce means doing so on their level. Think about your child and their best interests. Sometimes those best interests may differ from your own best interests. Be accountable to your child and their needs. That may mean stepping outside of your comfort zone to approach this subject differently. The more conscientious and intentional you can be the better off your child is during and after the divorce. A helpful starting point would be identifying what the best interests of your child are.
What are the best interests of your children?
The best interests of the child standard is one that is used across the board in family law cases. Family law cases are difficult to assess because they relate to subject matter that is unique to your family. How can a court make decisions for your family if they only know a sliver of your life’s experiences? The way to do this is that the best interests of the child standard attempts to consider your circumstances objectively.
Reviewing your case based on the best interests of your family means considering your child’s physical, emotional, and educational well-being. For many parents, it is difficult to separate what is in your best interests from what is in your child’s best interests. It is easy to assume that what is in our own best interests is also in the best interests of our children. However, in a complex divorce, it is not a given that what you want to see happen will be in your child’s best interests.
To further examine what is in your child’s best interests during a divorce please reach out to an attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys understand the complex nature of your case. Having been able to serve many clients across the state of Texas we have seen what works well for families. Don’t just leave up to chance the well-being of your family. Rather, take the initiative and seek out experienced and client-focused advocates.
Finding stability and consistency during a divorce
One of the keys to parenting during a divorce is being able to help your child find stability and consistency. When it comes right down to it, this is what is lacking for many families during a divorce. If you can help your child, find consistency in their life then you are one step ahead of many parents. Some parents try to help their children through gift-buying and placating them at every turn. When you try to help parent your child during the divorce, keep in mind that it is stability that ultimately suits your child best.
Unfortunately, it is not always easy to find stability for yourself, not to mention your child. For example, consider a situation where you are living with a friend or family member at the outset of your case. How can you expect to find stability in that environment for your child? Admittedly it is difficult to do. Nobody would argue that these are ideal circumstances for you or your child. However, you are still called upon to provide stability and consistency for your child. The better-suited parent in this regard often does well when it comes to winning favorable conservatorship arrangements.
Put your child first in every decision that you make. Parenting during a divorce is as much about making yourself uncomfortable temporarily as anything else. Do not look for an “easy” route because it will make you feel better in the short term. Rather, make every effort possible to look at the case from the perspective of your child. The more you focus on your son or daughter the better your parenting efforts will turn into positive outcomes.
Helping parents work together
Parenting your children through a divorce is not something you can do on your own. As much as you would like to think that the divorce marks the end of your necessary interactions with your co-parent that is simply not the case. If anything, the need to co-parent effectively begins in earnest after the divorce. This is not a subject that you can pay lip service to and not fully engage with. Rather, there are important considerations that must go toward the best interest of your children.
For instance, consider that you and your co-parent need to learn how to work together to benefit your children. This may be a significant challenge for your family. Consider that one of the main reasons for your divorce could have been an inability to work together as a family. For reasons like that learning how to co-parent your children may be something that takes a considerable amount of time and effort. Many families in your position do not take the time to learn these skills. This is to the detriment of your family and your children.
Co-parenting classes and other opportunities are made known to parents during divorce cases. This is not something that you can afford to take lightly. Even if co-parenting strikes you as the least desirable situation in the world it is presumed that your child benefits tremendously when co-parenting is initiated. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan understand the complex nature of co-parenting. Our attorneys are here to help you manage these circumstances and pay close attention to the opportunities for increased dialogue.
Emotional accountability during a divorce can help with parenting
On a very human level, it is difficult to handle the changes that come with a divorce. No matter how badly you wanted the divorce to occur it is still a time of transition for your family. So much is up in the air. Parenting your children through the divorce means helping them find stability and consistency. It also means identifying areas in your own life where you could improve your co-parenting skills. We have already discussed how communication can act as a key determinant of how successful you will be as a co-parent.
Additionally, parents in your situation can prepare better for these challenges by putting yourself in the shoes of the other person. Understanding that your co-parent is going through a difficult time can make this transition easier. Many times, all it takes to co-parent more effectively is to be considerate of the needs of your co-parent. Giving that person a certain amount of grace and understanding can help your family tremendously.
It may feel good at the moment to say something negative about your co-parent. After all: you are going through a divorce. However, that still does not serve your family well. Your child does not benefit one bit from you saying something bad about his other parent. Doing so further ingrains negative thoughts that you have about him or her. Is not productive and does not help your child through a divorce.
Parental alienation is something to avoid during and after the divorce
One of the most crucial aspects of a divorce that is not talked about enough is parental alienation. When it comes to parenting your children through a divorce parental alienation is certainly something to keep your eye on. As you prepare for the challenges that come with the divorce be mindful of how parental alienation can impact your life and that of your child. Parental alienation involves one parent purposefully saying or doing things to harm their child’s relationship with a co-parent.
Oftentimes parental alienation is exhibited when you choose to say something negative about the parent in front of a child. This is an especially destructive habit in that the other parent is unable to defend themselves. What you are left with is your co-parent possibly saying negative things about you in front of your impressionable child. These negative words and actions can have a long-lasting impact on your child. Certainly, it makes it more difficult for your child to adjust to life after a divorce.
Final thoughts on parenting your children through a divorce
Parenting your children through a divorce is a tremendous challenge. No one would argue that your family has nothing to work on when it comes to the basis of your relationship with one another. However, many families enter a divorce with little to no skills or aptitude geared towards co-parenting. This is not good for your family and can certainly impact the nature of your relationship with your child moving forward. Working on developing better co-parenting skills not only allows you to be a better co-parent but also a better mother or father.
Thank you for joining us today on the blog for the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Any questions you have about the content of today’s blog post can be addressed to the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
