At the center of every successful marriage is trust. Trusting your spouse means believing that he or she is capable of making decisions that are in your best interests, your family, and your own. Trust means not having to second guess their decision making or question why he or she chooses to engage in certain behavior. At the end of the day, trust means that you must feel confident that your spouse is committed to your relationship and not doing something to better only themselves or two harm you in some way. The difficult part of this is that if you are cheated on then it can be very difficult to convince yourselves that it is possible to trust one another again.
Trying to determine the root cause of why your spouse cheated on you can be a fruitless endeavor. You will end up attempting to get inside the mind of here is spouse and analyze his or her thinking. The trouble with this is that your spouse may not even have been thinking about what they were doing but rather we're making decisions about their immediate future rather than the potential impact that the cheating would have on your family and relationship long term.
In the context of a family lowercase, you can consider how the cheating impacted you and your family especially your children. Many people assume that infidelity in a marriage will play a large role in the overall determination of the case. However, the reality is that oftentimes infidelity plays a relatively minor role in a divorce case. Typically, a fairly court judge would look to the extent to which the infidelity impacted your family's finances or your children.
When it comes to your finances, a family court judge will be interested in seeing whether or not your spouse spent community funds on their significant other. Spending money on gifts, trips or other things means that he or she was wasting community resources on him or her. If you find yourself looking at your checking account on the Internet and see charges that are not yet been explained by your spouse you may want to inquire as to where the money was spent and the circumstances behind spending that money. The wasting of community assets on a significant other is a huge problem in family law cases and it can result in an uneven distribution of the community estate to capitate you as the innocent spouse.
Additionally, there is the potential when cheating occurs for your children to be impacted by the behavior of your spouse. Consider the circumstances if your spouse exposed your children to cheating and made them aware of what was going on. Even for younger children who may not fully understand what is happening, this can be an especially confusing thing for them to be exposed to. Simply having met a person who seems to be physically taking your spot in the family is something that can be very traumatizing for a child.
For that reason, your spouse may end up harming both your children and you. This is something that nobody who has an affair ever really thinks about in great detail while their bad actions are ongoing. They allow themselves to get caught up in the excitement of the new relationship and do not stop to consider the long-term impacts of their behavior. The long-term impacts not only involve heartache but can also involve significant financial problems for your family in the short term.
Financial implications of infidelity in the short term
In many cases, affairs can lead to adding decisions to attempt to save a marriage through counseling. For instance, if your spouse word at Shea and you then you may decide to attempt to save the marriage by attending therapy. The therapy you choose could be through your church, through a counselor or therapist online, or even through a private counselor therapist in your area. Whatever route you choose to go with counseling you need to be aware that there are costs associated with their behavior. Attending counseling is an art in times a good decision but can be expensive depending on the source you go to for your therapy.
Many families in our country are I'm prepared 4 even a slight emergency. We have all run across news articles or reports on television showing that a relatively high percentage of people are unprepared when it comes to handling even a modest emergency. I don't mention this to shame these folks but I do think it is instructive to understand that many families are not prepared to undergo any kind of therapy or even seek help for their relationship due to too financial constraints. Despite this, people are willing to go into debt to seek counseling to save their marriages.
The heartache associated with an affair may also lead you to suffer in the workplace. For instance, suppose you worked in a job that required you to produce a certain amount of a product during the day, and you were paid according to how much of that product you were able to provide. Having your mind on your family problems more invariably keep your mind off of your work tasks and puts you into a situation where the affair is costing you money at work. This is something that you want to avoid but is and then the comfortable reality that the affair can impact your life in many ways.
Finally, you may choose to begin divorce proceedings once you learn about the affair. Many times a spouse will do their best to forgive, seek therapy with their partner or otherwise move away from an immediate divorce because of concern over well being of the children. If you find yourself having forgiven your spouse for cheating before but are no longer willing to do so then getting a divorce may be the next thing that you consider. In that case, it is important to make a decision one way or the other so that you do not delay your case and this adds to the costs of what can be an extremely expensive process.
The irony of all of this is that the best way to proceed efficiently through a family law case is to hire an attorney. An attorney knows how to file documents, draft paperwork throughout your case, and generally speaking keep you on a timeline that will allow you to get out of your divorce fairly quickly. Not only will it rain represent and advocate for you in court but he or she will also keep you on the straight and narrow when it comes to completing the necessary steps of a case in a timely fashion. This is one of the undervalued attributes that an attorney provides to you and your family.
However, it is fairly well established that hiring a lawyer does cost money. While there are attorneys who represent clients for free or on a limited fee basis the vast majority of people end up having to pay money for an attorney to be able to represent them. I like to talk to potential clients about this subject as being pay short term investment into your long term future. Sometimes it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees when you are in the midst of a difficult decision like whether or not to go through a divorce. However, the financial implications associated with divorce can be incredibly daunting.
If you think that the costs associated with getting therapy related to a divorce can be daunting then you should consider the costs of a divorce. There are court fees, filing fees, attorneys fees, expected time away from work, and a host of other costs that are likely to be borne as a result of going through with the divorce process. Spending money to go through with a divorce is probably the most frustrating aspect of it. We like to spend our money on experiences that benefit us or our enjoyment. While a divorce may be beneficial to you in some sense, it certainly is not enjoyable.
The other thing that I will mention regarding the costs of divorce is that the cost of a divorce from a financial standpoint can be greater for the spouse who has an affair. The reason why this is the case is that oftentimes a spouse can be ordered to pay attorneys fees for the other especially if one spouse bears more of the burden for causing a breakup in the relationship. You can rest assured that your attorney will recommend to you to request that your attorney's fees be paid by your spouse if he or she caused the breakup of the marriage in the first place. This is only fair though it is far from assured that your unfaithful spouse will be ordered to pay attorneys fees. However, the more egregious their behavior the more likely it is, generally speaking, that you're spouse will be ordered to pay your attorney's fees.
Family implications of infidelity
More important than the financial implications of infidelity are the family implications. A single act of infidelity or a one-time affair can forever change the trajectory, composition, and other components of a family. We can see this when it decides to remove yourself and your children from a home shared with your spouse who cheated on you. It is not at all in common for an innocent spouse to remove themselves and their children from a home with an unfaithful partner. If that spouse cannot be counted on to do what is right with your marriage then how can he or she be trusted to do what is right in other areas of your life such as parenting.
For older children, the experience of cheating by one of their parents can be a complete shock to their system and sense of self. For instance, many children establish their behavior based almost entirely on what they see happening at home- for better or worse. A child seeing their parent engage in behavior that is best classified as “unsavory” can cause your child to become unmoored from their sense of their family and what “normal” behavior within a family looks like.
From my experiences within a family law case, judges tend to look harshly upon circumstances involving adultery that directly involves the kids. For example, a situation involving you cheating on your spouse and then bringing your significant other around the house and your children are viewed more harshly than a one-time affair that was never exposed to your family. Likewise, if you spend a great deal of money on trips, gifts, and things of this nature for your paramour then you are more likely to be punished for doing so by a judge.
Depending on the age of your children then they may internalize to a greater extent the experience of having been in a home where infidelity has occurred. Behavior like this can cause a child to choose sides in a divorce and favor one parent over another. Although this may have not been your intent at the beginning of having an affair, this is a reality that you need to consider. Your spouse will likely understand the implications of this type of behavior and will negotiate with this in mind.
What role will infidelity play in your divorce?
As we have already covered in today's blog post, infidelity can play a range of roles in your divorce case. The bottom line is that a court would look to the extent to which infidelity has occurred as well as for how long. Your children and their exposure to infidelity will play a role in any child custody aspect of the case. Next, any amount of Community property income that was utilized on a Paramore would be considered in terms of dividing up the community estate. This is an important consideration and you should above all else be upfront with your attorney when it comes to discussing this topic.
If you have been involved in any extramarital affairs then this is something that you need to share with your attorney. You cannot expect your attorney to represent you diligently and adequately unless you are complete with him or her about your past. I completely understand wanting to discuss the batteries list with someone. However, the last thing you want to do in your divorce case is to hide something from your lawyer like infidelity. Sharing information like this can be crucial to minimizing and mitigating any damage to your case. Remember that while your pride may be harmed by sharing this type of information it could be your relationship with your children that suffer the most. Such, do not shy away from discussing these topics with your attorney. In many cases, you will be positioned to have a fairly straightforward divorce even if infidelity is part of your case. As we have already touched down, there are specific circumstances that may cause there to be greater than the normal impact of infidelity on your case., speculating about the impact of divorce or infidelity on your life is fruitless. Rather, I recommend you speak to an experienced turning especially if you have infidelity involved in your case.
Having an experienced family 25 years old during a case is not required under the law in Texas. People get divorced all the time without lawyers involved. However, when you are talking about a circumstance like infidelity please can be minimal if the university is well with your code. Ultimately, even with infidelity at the center of your case, it is still likely that the case will conclude with you and your shooting. With that said, you need to be aware of how hard to push nations and what role infidelity will play. This is something that you cannot merely guess at and should be among the foremost reasons why you hire an experienced family law attorney. At its core, being able to work through these types of issues with someone who has been there before is likely to play a significant role in your case.
Finally, I need a discussion about infidelity in your marriage should cause some degree of self-reflection on your behavior in the past reading the divorce papers many people benefit from counseling or therapy after a divorce. I would think that if you have had significant relational issues in your marriage that this could be helpful not only for you but for your family.
Questions about the material contained in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today's blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case. Thank you for your interest in our law office and we hope that you will join us again tomorrow as we continue to share relevant information about the world of Texas family law.