More than anything else, mistakes in a divorce can cause your chase to go off track. Many people preparing for divorce assume that there is a list of things that you need to do in an active sense. These are the things you must do to have a successful divorce. However, it may surprise you to learn that there are mistakes that are just as important to avoid.
Think about it like this. The football team that avoids penalties and costly mistakes can do just as much to improve their chances of winning as the team that makes all the “big” plays. This means avoiding the big mistake can help your cause just as much as making a big splash. Today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan focuses on three big mistakes to avoid in a Texas divorce.
If you have questions about any of the information you read in this blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week. And these consultations an attorney from our office can provide you with specific information that can be helpful to you and your family.
Don’t Badmouth your Spouse
One of the mistakes worth avoiding in a divorce is not saying negative things about your spouse. Understandably, it can feel good at the moment to say something negative about your spouse. You likely have negative feelings associated with your spouse at this time. Your frustration levels may be boiling over. However, that does not justify you saying something negative about your spouse. There are many ramifications involved when you say negative things about your spouse during a divorce.
On a practical level, saying negative things about your spouse can harm your relationship with him or her. The counterargument to this point would be that your relationship is already harmed beyond repair. To the point where it would not matter if you or your spouse said any involvement with one another in the future. After all: you are getting a divorce. Doesn’t that mean your relationship is coming to an end?
Not quite. Even though I can feel like a divorce is the end of your relationship, there are still elements of your relationship with your spouse that will exist after the divorce. The reality is that very few divorces mark the end of the period where you and your spouse will need to interact with one another. Rather, for most families the relationship you have with your spouse continues after the divorce. It will be a different relationship, but a relationship will remain. Let’s examine what the relationships are like for many people with their spouses after a divorce.
Co-parenting with your ex-spouse
if you and your spouse share minor children then undoubtedly the two of you are going to need to learn how to manage a co-parenting relationship. Co-parenting is one of those terms that is often overused in a divorce setting. However, the relationship it describes is important, nonetheless. You and your ex-spouse have a challenge on your hands to be able to do the best that you can on behalf of your children when raising them as a team. In almost every situation, children do better when they have both of their parents playing an active role in their lives.
For spouses going through a difficult divorce, this can seem like the least appealing idea in the world. After all, going through a divorce means that you and your spouse are suffering from some dramatic disagreements on how to raise your children. Being asked to set those differences aside yeah to try and form a team with this person can seem like a cruel joke. Sometimes the idea of doing what another person wants rather than following our instincts is incredibly difficult for us. Especially when that other person does not have our full trust now.
This is the challenge and opportunity presented in a divorce. The key to approaching a divorce is to have a plan. When you have a plan and act intentionally your chances of achieving goals increase dramatically. Here are some thoughts on how to avoid bad-mouthing your spouse in a divorce.
How to avoid bad-mouthing your spouse in a divorce
One of the most important keys to this entire process is to eliminate opportunities to bad mouth your spouse. Avoiding a near occasion where you could bad mouth your spouse dramatically reduces the likelihood that you will do so. Thus, you need to think about what the situations are where you typically find yourself most tempted to bad mouth your spouse. Reducing the occurrence of those situations provides you with a greater likelihood of eliminating badmouthing.
Figuring out the best way for you to communicate with your ex-spouse can reduce the likelihood of bad-mouthing. For instance, if you know that you and your spouse tend to get into disagreements on the phone then you may look to e-mail, text messaging or even using third-party co-parenting websites to assist in your communication. That way resentment does not build between the two of you. You and your spouse would not constantly have the feeling that the other person is trying to harm your relationship. Less frustration means a decreased likelihood of bad-mouthing.
Another way to avoid bad-mouthing your spouse during and after a divorce is to watch your behavior on social media. Many of us view social media as just another way of communicating with other people. Social media is so widely used that it has almost debited us with modern life. However, social media comes with its share of challenges. Many people feel more comfortable sharing negative opinions on social media than they would in real life. Limiting your use of social media especially during the divorce can be helpful if you’d like to reduce the likelihood of bad-mouthing.
Avoid Hiding Assets
One of the major parts of most divorce cases is the division of community property. Being able to arrive at a just and equitable division of their community assets makes a tremendous difference for your case and your future. However, that goal is made more difficult when you or your spouse hide assets from the other person. This can happen in several ways. However, one of the more likely scenarios involves hiding assets when one spouse is not involved in the finances of your family.
Does the following situation sound familiar? You are a stay-at-home wife and mother who is involved in your family’s finances very little. While you do most of the household spending you do not check with your spouse on his income or really where it comes from. You know that he has several different part-time jobs in the main job where he earns a considerable amount of money. However, as long as there was money in the checking account for groceries and other household items you would not have any issues.
When your spouse filed for divorce against you that began to change your mindset. You came to realize that you had no idea about not only the day-to-day finances of your family but your long-term family finances either. This means that your investments, retirement, and financial future are very much up in the air. On top of that, you do not have much time to learn about this information. When you ask your spouse for basic information about the finances, he is less than forthcoming. What can you do in a situation like this?
Obtaining financial information from your spouse in a divorce
The first method to try and employ when trying to obtain financial information from your spouse is to ask him directly. This is the most simple and efficient means to do so. You may try to communicate with him through your attorney or reach out to him yourself. If you can obtain the information this way, then you should review the information he has provided. Talk to your attorney about your concerns and determine if your spouse has been forthcoming with this information. It may be that additional documents or other financial information may be necessary to receive.
On the other hand, your spouse may not be willing to hand over the information that you need. Or it could be that your spouse hands over incomplete information that still leaves you with asking questions. When you find yourself in a situation like this then you may need to submit discovery requests upon your spouse. Discovery requests allow you to go through the court to obtain outstanding documents. It could be that your spouse is trying to hide information from you to avoid paying spousal support. A fair division of your community estate depends upon having four ideas of the financial life of your spouse.
Discovery is a detailed process that involves a lot of moving pieces. Being able to submit discovery requests means knowing how to phrase questions and requests for documents. When your spouse inevitably objects to certain requests you must be able to respond appropriately. An experienced attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan with equipped to help you in this area of your life. Talk to one of our attorneys today to learn how you can be better served in the context of a divorce.
Don’t Ignore Court Orders
The last tip we would like to share with you today in this blog post involves not ignoring court orders. Temporary orders are not just suggestions from a court. Rather, these are full-fledged orders that need to be followed. Not understanding the orders fully is also not a defense to violating the orders. Rather, it is your responsibility to have them feel an understanding of the orders. Before signing any court order ask your attorney what their significance is. The best time to find out answers to these pressing issues is during the case itself.
Begin by looking at your court orders regarding financial responsibilities during the divorce. Who oversees paying what bill for your family? Remember that your household bills are still something you need to consider throughout your divorce. That is bills do not go away just because you or your spouse have filed for divorce. As a result, part of temporary orders involves allocating bills and ensuring that your family’s finances are protected during the case. Included in this will be a requirement that neither spouse spend money frivolously. Keep an eye on your spending during the divorce.
Next, pay close attention to child custody and visitation orders. Many spouses encounter difficulties when managing the daily responsibilities of raising a child separate from their spouse. Raising a child with your co-parent is a challenge. You have a limited amount of time to learn how to manage this relationship and build on the skills you have learned as a parent together. Even though it is difficult to work on these skills it is still essential for your family. Your court orders help determine your parental responsibilities.
Consequences for violating court orders
When you violate a court order there are immediate consequences. For one, your relationship with your spouse is harmed. Both of you signed your name to those orders which means that you are both expected to abide by them. When it becomes apparent that one of you is not willing to do so this threatens the foundation of your relationship. At the same time, it hinders you from trying to grow that relationship into one that is more functional and better suited for your changing family dynamic. The specific damage to your family will be unique to you all based upon your exact circumstances.
There are also legal challenges that come with violating court orders. For example, your spouse may file an enforcement case against you for having violated your court orders. In an enforcement case Involves your spouse notifying a family court that violations of your court order have occurred. The enforcement petition must specify the specifics of each violation. From there, your spouse can ask the court for various forms of relief. In short, this is an outcome that you should work hard to try and avoid. The last thing your family wants at a time like this is to find yourself having to deal with an additional case within your divorce. This only adds stress and anxiety to a difficult situation.
By understanding your court orders, you are better able to abide by them. Even a well-meaning mistake can lead to the violation of a court order. For families like yours who are trying to do their best at this time, a court order violation can set back the relationship a great deal. Instead of risking this outcome, it is better to ask questions and understand your court order as fully as possible before signing. Doing so allows your family to start your lives off on more solid footing after your divorce.
Final thoughts on avoiding mistakes in a Texas divorce
Divorce cases may be challenging but they are not without their opportunities. With a divorce, you can build a successful life for your family after the case. However, to get to that point you need to be able to have a plan and a strategy for executing that plan. Reading through blog posts like this one is a great place to begin your journey towards collecting knowledge that can help you in your case. You should not stop your request for more information here.
Instead, consider reaching out to an experienced family law attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our families know Texas family law in a way that can immediately help your family. Our attorneys are inside the family courtrooms of Texas regularly advocating for the rights of our clients and their families. We take this responsibility seriously. Not only that, we sit at the negotiating table with our clients and help them achieve favorable results outside of court. We prepare diligently for opportunities to settle cases. That way, the courtroom is not a foregone conclusion.
We thank you for joining us today on our blog. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are here to help you and your families during this time. With offices located across the state of Texas, it is easy to reach us every day of the week. When you have a specific question about your family’s circumstances stop by to talk to us in person. Or you may schedule a consultation with one of our attorneys over the phone or via video. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.