Domestic Violence: Your Safety Plan

Unfortunately, domestic violence is a harsh reality for some individuals, requiring constant vigilance and careful planning for safety. When you are in a situation where domestic violence is prevalent, prioritizing your safety becomes essential. Developing a robust domestic violence safety plan is a critical step in ensuring your protection. It involves proactive strategies to navigate daily challenges and safeguard your future. If you ever consider revoking your safety plan, it’s crucial to understand the potential risks and consequences of such a decision.

Developing a Safety Plan

Domestic violence comes into play not only in the day-to-day lives of people in our community but also in their family relationships and legal matters. Whether you are navigating a child custody or divorce case, dealing with ongoing family violence requires a strategic safety plan. If your situation escalates to violence, your safety and that of your children becomes a priority. This blog post will guide you in creating a comprehensive safety plan and preparing for the possibility of revoking it if circumstances change.

While you do not have control over your spouse or co-parent’s anger or propensity towards violence you can choose how to respond to their actions and how to develop a plan that may be necessary to help you get you and your child to a safe place. If you are a woman who is going through a situation involving domestic violence, then you should be sure to have a variety of strategies ready to implement if need be.

For instance, you may decide to leave the home that you share with your spouse or co-parent. That becomes much harder to manage, especially if you know that he or she will be home when you plan to leave. In that case, you will need to work on practicing getting out of the home safely. There need to be multiple ways for you to exit the home. The doors, windows, stairs, or even a fire escape may be necessary to use when it comes to leaving home.

Preparing for a Safe Exit: Essential Tips and Neighbor Support

Next, are your belongings and the car keys going to be ready for you to leave the house with? Being unprepared forces you to return home later to collect essential items like medicine, clothing, work equipment, and other necessities. To exit the home effectively, you must do so quietly and quickly. Avoid wasting time and energy by preparing everything in advance. Stay organized and keep your home tidy, so you can easily locate what you need and make a smooth escape.

Preferably, you will have a neighbor who can contact law enforcement if he or she hears anything suspicious coming from your home. It is not a comfortable topic to have to discuss matters involving family violence with your neighbors. I will readily admit this. However, it can be the difference between life and death for you to do so.

Enlisting Support and Preparing Your Children for Emergencies

Many people keep these sorts of matters to themselves thinking that it is a burden for other people to have to listen to these stories and hear about the struggles that they are going through regarding family violence. In actuality, most people are more than glad to help someone who is trying to protect themselves and their children from harm. If you trust your neighbors, inform them about the situation and the signs of family violence they might notice from a distance.

Depending upon the age of your children, they too can act as allies in the effort to protect you and themselves from harm. Again, the reality of the situation is that it is not pleasant to have to teach your children how to act in the event of family violence occurring in the home. However, it is necessary in this situation and something that you should not hesitate to do if your children are of the right age and maturity level. For young children, there is not much you can do in the teaching department. If your children are school-aged, ensure they know how to use a cell phone or home phone to contact law enforcement, the fire department, or a neighbor in an emergency.

Creating a Code Word System and Planning Your Safe Exit

Many people in your situation develop code words to use with their children to be able to tell them that danger is afoot without coming right out and saying it. Or, if you decide that “now” is the time to leave then you can use a different code word that tells your children to quickly meet at the agreed-upon location in the home in order to leave at a moment’s notice. The code should be rehearsed with your children so that it becomes second nature as far as what it means. Do not underestimate what stress can do to the memory and reaction time of your children, or you. Teach them the code word, teach them the responsorial actions, and then rehearse it with them regularly.

When you do leave home, it is integral that you have a place to go to. Not just a hypothetical, I could go here or here type of place, but a specific location that offers you a specific advantage. It could be that you decide to go to a family member’s house. However, you need to be sure that your co-parent or spouse would not suspect that location so that he or she could come over and cause problems for you at that home. Preferably you will choose a location that is unknown to your spouse or co-parent while you plan your next steps.

Strategic Discussion Locations and Prioritizing Safety

If you do anticipate that you will need to engage with your co-parent or spouse in a discussion that could turn into an argument, you need to be strategic about where that discussion takes place. Having the talk in an open space without tools, cutlery, silverware, or other objects nearby that could be used as a weapon would be ideal. We realize that it is impossible to always be in a position where you can always be free from danger in the form of household objects. Sometimes these discussions just take place at random times in random locations. However, if you can manage to be around other people and away from objects that can be used as weapons then you will be better off.

At the end of the day, the safety of you and your children is what matters the most. It does not matter what is being discussed or argued about. If you can give the other person what he or she wants at that moment in time you need to consider that option. It may be that you need to play along with what your co-parent is saying or just agree to disagree on a subject that is important to you. This is especially true if you do not yet have an exit strategy for leaving the house. Keep yourself safe and protect your family until you can develop a proper exit strategy.

How to keep yourself and your children safe when you are preparing to leave the home

Control is what many violent co-parents and spouses seek when they act in violence towards you or any other victim. To that end, when you decide to leave the family home then you need to figure out a plan for exiting with safety in mind. Be careful about leaving the home but listen to your instincts about the situation. If you get the feeling that something is “off” or that the situation seems even more dangerous than usual, then you need to leave your home.

Planning Ahead for Safety: Essential Steps and Precautions

The more of a plan you have and the more intentional you can be the more you position yourself to be able to maintain your safety and that of your children soon. Since your spouse or co-parent may be looking to prevent you from leaving the home and your relationship, having a plan means the difference between wandering around outside the home and being intentional about your and your child’s safety.

Having some extra cash on hand for emergencies is a wise decision. To avoid drawing attention to your plans, withdraw small amounts over time rather than a large sum all at once. When developing your safety plan, consider the possibility of revoking it if circumstances change or new threats arise. Plan well in advance, ensuring you include essential items like cash, a list of contacts, medication, and daily necessities. Being thorough with your safety plan and prepared for any necessary adjustments will help keep your family safe and secure.

Securing Important Documents and Financial Preparedness

Important documents may be found in the file cabinet or on your home computer. In this day and age, you may have important documents saved on the “cloud” or in a drive that you can access outside of your home. However, if you have documents saved on your home computer and nowhere else it pays to print copies of those documents or save them in a location that is accessible from outside the home. Keys should have copies made in case you lose your set or for some reason must leave home without your keys. Then, choose a location to keep these important documents of key copies. Whether it be a relative’s home, your vehicle, your friend’s home, or at work it should be a secure location that is relatively convenient for you.

Sharing finances with your spouse is normally a good idea, in my opinion. If you and your spouse are on the same page with finances, spending, and things of that nature then combining finances and attacking your challenges, and building a financial life with your co-parent is a great idea. However, if you all are not on the same page with your finances, disagree with how one another handles money, or otherwise have some financial issues which are more complicated then combining your finances may not be a great idea. In that case, you should open up a separate checking or savings account from your spouse or co-parent. This way you can be prepared to separate yourself from him or her after your family law case. If you have concerns about your spouse or co-parent spending your money, then this should be something do sooner rather than later.

Building a Support System and Revising Your Safety Plan

Talking with family and friends about this situation with your co-parent or spouse is just as good an idea as talking with your neighbors. The people who are closest to you should be aware of the struggles you are having. This way you can build your safety net and support system in anticipation of your family law case. Having a safe place to stay which your spouse or co-parent is not aware of is critical for your safety. Do not underestimate the power of a safe place for you and your kids to sleep at night can have on you all at that moment in time. When everything else is going wrong in your life being able to lean on some close friend or relative for a favor like this can be the pick-me-up that you need.

Working through your safety plan with your family is a good thing to do. As we discussed earlier in this blog post it pays to take the time to think through your plan periodically, practice it with your family and determine if any changes need to be made. For example, if you have moved to a new residence, your old safety plan may no longer be effective. In such cases, you might need to consider revoking your current safety plan and developing a new one. Engage your family in this process and seek their input to ensure your new plan is robust. Additionally, inform your new neighbors so they can help you stay vigilant and support your safety.

Not leaving the home quite yet? Here’s how you can stay safe in your home

The circumstances are not always right for you to leave your home. While you wait to plan a move here are some tips that can keep you and your child safe at home while you plan. For starters, if your co-parent or spouse is not living with you currently that does not completely rule out the possibility that you could become the victim of family violence at home. For that reason, it is a good idea to consider changing out and replacing the locks on the doors in case your co-parent still has a key that could work.

A security system installation does not have to be something that costs an arm and a leg. If you contact a local home alarm system installation company then you may be able to find someone to install the system at a discount or even free of charge. A motion sensor for your window can prevent easy opening, while stronger doors and locks enhance security and provide peace of mind. Installing an outdoor lighting system can alert you to anyone approaching your home, especially in the evening.

Final thoughts on safety plans

In dealing with domestic violence, having a well-structured safety plan is crucial. If revoking your current safety plan is necessary due to changes in your situation or to address new threats, consider taking legal steps to enhance your protection. Working with a skilled family law attorney can help you secure a protective order, which can involve law enforcement if your co-parent or spouse breaches the terms by attempting to contact you or approach your family. Always keep your protective order with you and ensure that local law enforcement has a copy. If your protective order is destroyed or compromised, you can request a replacement from the clerk’s office or obtain a new copy online. Taking these steps can ensure that you maintain a robust defense against further violence.

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Bryan Joseph Fagan( Attorney )

Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.

Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.

His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.

Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.