It’s probably fair to assume that many of you reading this blog believe that you have a spouse that is controlling or at least more controlling than most spouses. Their need to constantly dictate your actions and those of your children can be a significant factor in why you are considering a divorce. Ideally, we want our marriage to allow us to have the comfort and love of an equal partner who supports our independent judgment and thoughts.
The set of circumstances that you encounter in divorcing a spouse with control issues can be unique from other people’s divorces. I have had countless people walk into a consultation with me at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan; PLLC sits down and tells me that their spouse is the most inflexible, critical and challenging to deal with the person on planet Earth. There’s their way or the highway, I’ve been told time and time again. What’s worse, they will use a situation that is not going the way they want and turn it against you or your children as means to manipulate and get what they wish to somehow, some way.
With these considerations in mind, actively planning for your divorce and setting goals for yourself can be essential for managing a divorce from a controlling spouse. Simply knowing that you want to get a divorce is not enough if negotiations during the divorce itself are more demanding and tiresome than many divorces. While the odds are high that your case will settle at some stage rather than proceed to a trial, the course your divorce takes often depends on how much and how well you plan.
Chart a course for your divorce with an attorney
If you do not attempt to plan a course for your divorce to take, your spouse will surely do so for you. Controlling people not only want to control their own life but want to control yours as well. Divorce is all about change. Change in your relationship status, change for your children, change in where you live, and possibly even change in how you view yourself. How do you want to come out at the end of your divorce? Asking yourself this question can help you problem solve and create goals that allow you to be stable, content, and productive after your divorce.
First and foremost, speak to an attorney who practices family law and has experience not only in successfully handling divorce cases for clients but also has an opinion or “plan of attack” when it comes to opposing parties that are extremely controlling. Having an advocate by your side who can assist you in managing the big picture goals of your divorce while helping you maintain your day-to-day sanity is priceless while a divorce is ongoing. There is no complete proof method to preserving your mind during a divorce but having someone available who can help you adjust your plan based on the present circumstances is significant.
Goal planning means more than just wishing something to be true.
Whether we are talking about New Year’s Resolutions or goals in your divorce, writing down what you seek to accomplish is a prerequisite to seeing those goals come to fruition. If you tell a friend that your plan for the year is to lose weight, I can tell you that your odds are accomplishing that goal are not that high. The reason for my pessimism if because the goal is not concrete and not written down. Suppose you give yourself some benchmarks to reach weight milestones that you are more likely to accomplish your goal. By the same token, if you write down those milestones and tape them to your bathroom mirror, you will see the dream every day staring you in the face.
The goals of your divorce should be no different. If you want to make sure that you have a plan to counter those of your controlling spouse, meet personally with your attorney before your Original Petition for Divorce is filed. Go over with your attorney what you specifically want to accomplish in your divorce. Some requests need to be “pled” for in your Petition to request that sort of relief in a trial possibly. Your attorney will make that call after consulting with you so that any goals you may have can be accounted for.
Prepare for your case before your spouse can prepare for theirs.
A controlling spouse may want to get a jump on you as much as possible after you have filed for divorce. If you can, begin to collect any documents or other written evidence that may be important to your case. A lot of the middle stages of your case involve negotiation and discussion with the opposing party about settlement offers made to end your divorce case. In some instances controlling spouses limit their spouse's ability to access crucial financial paperwork and other documents. Do yourself a favor and ask your attorney what they will need to work on your case down the line and collect those documents sooner rather than later.
Failing to prepare is preparing to die when divorcing a controlling spouse.
The bottom line is that there is no substitute in a divorce for preparation and proactive thinking. You can have the noblest of goals for your divorce, but unless you set them out in writing and reasonably act on them, your dreams are worth no more than the paper written on. Consider that your controlling spouse has goals in mind that are contrary to yours in some cases, and your need to exhibit proactive behavior becomes even more critical.
Please contact contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, today for a free of charge consultation to discuss this subject and any other in family law. A consultation is always free of charge with one of our licensed family law attorneys and is available six days a week.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding Divorce, it's essential to speak with one of our Houston, TX Child Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
Our Divorce lawyers in Spring, TX, are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, handles Divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County, and Waller County.