One of the most difficult parts of being a family lawattorney is not always having the exact right advice to give to your client at any particular moment. We can know the law, know the possible outcomes of a given situation and be prepared to speak to you about that, but in some circumstances, it is downright impossible to give you just the right word or words of advice.
I see this happen when clients are having to “deal” with their spouse in matters during the divorce. Whether it is coordinating the payment of bills, the putting of their house on the real estate market or working through visitation issues regarding their children, it is undoubtedly an awkward situation to have to work with your spouse so closely during a process that will serve to separate the two of you.
How can you best work with your spouse during the divorce? Let’s begin today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by discussing that topic in detail
Working successfully with your spouse during a divorce
While it is tempting to do so, it is probably best not to think about your spouse as an “ex-spouse” during your divorce. From my experience that causes people to think of their spouse as someone who doesn’t deserve the respect that they likely do. “Ex-spouse” makes you want to roll your eyes at the thought of that person. Considering your spouse to be someone with whom you need to be cordial and work issues out with is likely the best position you can put yourself in during your divorce.
To me, that starts with being professional. It is easy (and sometimes even satisfying) to take cheap shots and be generally nasty to your spouse during your divorce. However, you won’t make any progress on your case if that is your mode of communication. It is entirely possible to both achieve your goals and act like an adult to your spouse during your divorce. In fact, I am here to tell you that this is the right way to conduct yourself.
For one, you catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar. I have seen no proof from other attorneys that being a jerk and a pain in the backside to deal with actually accomplishes more than being a civil and dignified person. Again, you will likely never get the satisfaction (temporary satisfaction, I may add) that is associated with calling your spouse on the phone to give him or her a piece of your mind, but you can help achieve your goals much easier by keeping your spouse on your good side.
If your spouse doesn’t follow these rules it can be harder to motivate yourself to do so. For example, if your spouse spent the better part of a weekend blasting away at you in front of your daughter this will likely you to become a tad frustrated. Rather than use that frustration to continue the game of showing disrespect towards one another in front of your child, you can choose to be the bigger person and ignore it. Address it with your child, making it well know that you do not approve of that behavior, but rise above it and do not reciprocate.
Social Media usage during your divorce
One of my favorite topics to discuss in the area of divorce is the use and prevalence of social media. Just about all of us have some form of social media available to us and that means we have ample opportunity to use it for good or bad. I can tell you that almost all users of social media during your divorce will work out to be on the “bad” side of that ledger.
The reason why most social media use is bad during a divorce is that it is hard to say using it in any way is actually a positive for your case. There is just very little to gain when it comes to social media use during a divorce.
An offhand comment or posting a photo without thinking about its context or meaning can have important impacts on your case. The use of social media postings as evidence in divorce cases is extremely prevalent. My advice would be to log off the internet for a few months and to stay away from social media during your divorce.
How you can avoid uncomfortable conversations that are ultimately unproductive
If your divorce is one where there are a couple of moments or issues that almost all of the acrimony in your marriage is based around then it is hard to avoid those issues coming up in conversation. Infidelity, violence, and things of that nature are what I have in mind. So much of a divorce involves you and your spouse negotiating with each other and with the assistance of your attorneys. If you are seeking to end a divorce in an amicable fashion you will need to change your mode of conversation.
Try talking with your spouse about the future rather than the past. Trying to re-litigate every minute issue in your divorce is asking for trouble. How do you want to co-parent with this person? How do you plan on taking steps to actually improve your relationship with your spouse after the divorce?
You are going to be expected to be an effective parenting team with this person if you have kids. If you don’t have any children you can expect that your spouse will be more willing to negotiate with a pleasant person than a person who is irate over incidents that cannot be changed.
What to do after your divorce is finalized
If you have followed the tips that we have been laying out for all of you in the past few days you probably made it through your divorce just fine and with most of your sanity still intact. However, just because the judge has signed your Final Decree of Divorce does not mean that you can sit back and kick up your feet. There is still work to be done to ensure that your divorce is completed in all aspects.
I’d say that most people who get divorced never actually take the time to sit down and read through their Final Decree of Divorce. It is up to you to make sure that you know what it says. Yes, I realize that by your having signed the document it is assumed and presumed that you have read every single word on every single page. However, we all know that would be an unrealistic expectation and assumption to make.
You need to know what your responsibilities are under the Decree and what dates you are required to do things by. Ignorance of what is required of you is no defense for your failure to make a payment on time or to drop your child off at the scheduled time and location.
Next, you can go through your life insurance policies and will in order to update beneficiaries and other specifics that are no longer applicable. I’m willing to bet that it would make you a little upset to learn that after your divorce has been completed you are forced to give everything in your estate to your ex-spouse because you didn’t change your will once your divorce was completed.
Questions about the divorce process? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC are ready and able to assist you in your divorce case. We take pride in representing people just like you in our community. For a free of charge consultation with one of our licensed family law attorneys please do not hesitate to contact our office today.
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with one of our Houston, TX Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
Our divorce lawyers in Houston TX are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC handles Divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.