Whether you and your ex-spouse have an amicable relationship and meet for coffee weekly or struggle to be in the same room, effective communication is key for the well-being of your children. You might wonder, “What if my ex refuses to communicate?” Regardless of the situation, there’s no excuse for neglecting communication, especially when it comes to your children after a divorce. Embracing technology and other communication methods can significantly improve your ability to co-parent effectively. Utilizing these tools ensures that communication between separated parents remains clear, focused, and beneficial for your children’s stability.
Ways to Communicate with Your Former Spouse
Reliable email—it’s quick and accessible. Whether at your work desk or on your phone while watching TV, it’s always there. You can quickly send an email when something’s on your mind. It’s a practical way to communicate, especially if you and your ex-spouse aren’t close.
Another benefit of using email is that it creates an indelible timestamp of the communication sent from you to them. Your attorney probably talked to you about starting a paper trail or recording your actions in a specific area when your divorce was ongoing. You always want to engage in a system where your efforts are backed up by proof of you doing them. This way, neither you nor your ex-spouse can complain about any missed communications.
Your final divorce decree may require you to use email for child-related communication with your ex-spouse. Be aware of any specified response time, as it might differ from handling work emails that can wait for a day. If you have concerns about an ex-husband not communicating with you, address the issue with the help of your lawyer immediately.
If you are genuinely nerdy and want to make sure that you keep track of emails and other communications, you can print each email sent and received between you and your ex-spouse and place them into a folder or notebook. This way, you can rely on an accurate timeline if you and they get into an argument or dispute about what was or what was not communicated to one another. Taking things to another level, we can also foresee that such a notebook of email communication between divorced parents would be helpful to a family law attorney should any dispute or argument turn into a lawsuit.
Text Messages
All of the above benefits of email also apply to text messages. They are quick, easy, and take little effort to send and receive. They are on your phone and often your watch and vehicle communications system. Again, a little excuse for not responding to a text as it can take literally seconds to do so. Exchanging basic information about your child via text message is a no-brainer if an emergency or sudden change of plan occurs.
Be aware that the nice part of the email is that the “system” of emails never goes down. There will always be a record of the emails you send and receive. The same is not true of text messages. You have to take a second or two to ensure that a text message was actually sent and then received by your ex-spouse. Phone batteries go dead, cell signals get lost, and people lose track of their phones for hours or even days at a time. Texts are great, but problems can still occur with their usage. Consider other means if you are communicating long, detailed messages.
Telephone Calls
In just over 100 years, telephone calls have become outdated. Dialing a number and speaking can feel time-consuming compared to email and texting, especially for millennials. However, the telephone is the next most personal method of communication after face-to-face interaction. Unless a court deems phone communication counterproductive, there’s no excuse for not using it, especially for conveying detailed messages that require emotion, which is challenging through email or texts.
Of course, if you and your ex-spouse have a history of getting into arguments when speaking to one another on the phone, it is not a good idea to use this medium unless in the case of an emergency.
Think about setting up a schedule to talk to your ex-spouse for a weekly phone call. I do that with clients when I know my plan will be busy for a few weeks. For instance, I will call a client who I know likes to get a phone call (or calls) and schedule a specific date of each week at a particular time to speak on the telephone. You and your ex-spouse can do the same.
Ideas to discuss with your ex-spouse in a weekly phone call can range from how your child is doing in school to problems that she is experiencing with a friend on the basketball team. If school assignments are coming up, it is best to let your ex-spouse know about them just in case they are not already aware. Do not assume that just because you know something they do as well. Your child may share information differently with both of you, so it’s not fair to expect them to understand what you know and vice versa.
Communication needs to be courteous
Above all else, whatever method of communication between divorced parents you choose to take advantage of when conveying information to your ex-spouse, you need to act with courtesy. There is no excuse for being nasty or belligerent towards your ex-spouse, even if they have been born that way towards you. I realize that it is easy for me to type this, considering that I have not had an emotional and possibly combustible relationship with this person in my past. However, a piece of advice I learned a long time ago that has served me well is never to miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. You can save yourself some trouble now and in the future by doing so.
Do not name-call or use foul language, especially in email or text messaging. Assume that an attorney is looking over your and your ex-spouse’s shoulder, reading each message when you text. Keeping this in mind will go a long way towards ensuring that no attorneys ever get involved in your lives again.
Conclusion
Effective communication between separated parents is crucial for the well-being of their children, no matter the dynamics of their relationship. Even if you face challenges, such as an ex-spouse who refuses to communicate, there are still options to explore. Utilizing technology, seeking help from mediators, or consulting family counselors can all help improve communication. Despite the difficulties, prioritizing open, respectful dialogue fosters healthier co-parenting relationships and provides stability for your children. By focusing on the children’s needs and finding common ground, you can create more constructive interactions that ultimately benefit the entire family.
Discover everything you’ve ever wanted to know about email and beyond in tomorrow’s blog post
Writing an email to your spouse isn’t just putting your fingers on a keyboard and clicking “send.” To communicate effectively, efficiently, and respectfully there are steps that you need to take. Come back to our blog tomorrow, and we will share some tips on email communication between divorced parents.
In the meantime, if your ex-husband will not communicate with you or you have co-parenting concerns or any other subject in family law, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC. We offer free-of-charge consultations with a licensed family law attorney. Talks can be scheduled six days a week.
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Frequently Asked Questions
It can be tough when you are in “my ex-husband will not communicate with me” situtation. Consider using alternative methods like co-parenting apps, shared calendars, and respectful written communication. It’s important to prioritize your children’s needs and find ways to keep them informed about their well-being.
When your husband isn’t communicating, approach the situation with patience and empathy. Try to understand his perspective and consider seeking professional mediation if needed. Focus on maintaining a respectful tone in your interactions and prioritize the children’s best interests.
Communicating with a man who won’t engage requires creative approaches. Use methods that are convenient for him, such as text messages or short emails. Be concise and clear in your messages, focusing on child-related matters. Give him space if necessary but continue to reach out in a respectful manner.
While consistent communication is vital for co-parenting, there may be situations where limiting communication is necessary. If interactions become toxic or harmful, consider setting boundaries or involving a mediator. However, it’s crucial to keep lines of communication open for matters directly related to your children.
