Deciding to move out of your marital home as a result of a divorce requires a great deal of thought. The entire structure of your life changes with this decision. By choosing to move out of the house a fundamental shift happens within your family. On top of that, changes to your household budget and lifestyle occur. Make no mistake, the decision to move out of your home is not one to be taken lightly.
Fortunately, by stopping by at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan you are taking this decision seriously. The attorneys with our office advise parents in spouses on a variety of subjects in family law. Moving out of the family home is a logistical and strategic decision. There are a lot of factors to consider when it comes to moving out of the family home. Your job is to consider the challenges associated with moving out.
In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we consider the subject of moving out of the marital home before or during a divorce. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. As a result, finding answers tailored to your specific situation is key. With that said, contacting the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offers you an opportunity to discover an answer for your family. We offer free consultations six days a week with experienced family law attorneys.
Considering a divorce? Start here
The factors and circumstances involved in a divorce are unique for each family. Without question, by working through this analysis your family can better determine what is in your best interest. Depending upon the problems your family is facing there may be less of a need for a divorce. Experiencing problems in your marriage does not mean a divorce is necessarily your only option. Rather, there are a range of methods your family may choose to employ.
First, marital issues almost always stem from problems with communication. Discovering problems with communication in a marriage is not always easy. In our lives, we tend to move rather quickly. This is especially true when it comes to our family lives. It is easy to find yourself in a position where you, your spouse, and even your children have your own lives seemingly independent from one another. Putting yourself in this position means that the well-being of your family sometimes comes second to the schedule of your family.
When you are in this sort of position it is reasonable to stop what you are doing to regain a focus on what is most important. Simply taking the time to discuss important subjects with your spouse may be all it takes. Thinking about your family means putting aside subjects that could distract or draw attention away from reinvigorating your family life.
Open and honest communication with your spouse
Begin by asking yourself when the last time you spoke to your spouse was. I don’t mean simply talking about the weather or your child’s soccer schedule that week. Rather, I mean talking to your spouse about important issues in your lives. Communication is a two-way street. This can mean working through problems or discussing victories. It also means listening as much as talking. When was the last time you and your spouse honestly communicated like this? Answering this question can be eye-opening for any family.
Communicating with your co-parent and spouse means eliminating distractions. Even everyday circumstances involve numerous distractions. Eliminating as many of those distractions as possible can lead to fruitful conversations with your spouse. This does not have to be anything extravagant. We are not advising you to send the kids to a babysitter for a week-long trip for the two of you. Rather, simply turning off your phones, waiting until the kids are in bed, and then having an honest discussion with your spouse can do wonders.
However, you may also find yourself in a circumstance where this type of conversation is not possible. Unfortunately, sometimes in life, we find ourselves after having made bad decisions. If you or your spouse have done something to make conversation between the two of you impossible then communicating in other ways becomes necessary. For that, seeking help from an experienced professional is sensible.
Counseling as an alternative
Struggling with communication is not unique for many spouses considering divorce. Even if you have known your spouse for decades even a small rift in the relationship can make communication seem impossible. Additionally, circumstances involving infidelity or even abuse can exacerbate these communication deficits. Finding yourself in a position like this means it will likely take more than a conversation on the couch to sort through your marital difficulties.
In situations like these, you can reach out to an experienced marriage and family therapist. Fortunately, in every major metropolitan area in Texas, there are options to consider. Looking up in learning about marriage therapists can be as simple as using an Internet search engine. Many of us have friends and family who have used a local marriage and family therapist. Any of these resources are terrific for you to take advantage of.
Another source of information for therapists would be your health insurance provider. Contact your health insurance provider to learn more about options covered by your health insurance for marriage and family therapy. This is a sensible way for you to find affordable family therapy in your area. Alternatives are also found in sources like your local religious community.
Deciding upon a divorce
When counseling and other communication methods do not work then it becomes time to consider divorce. When it comes time to move forward on your case intentionality becomes critical. Intentionality means thinking through all your decisions. Decisions have an end goal in mind. If not, why are you doing what you are doing now? Having clear-cut objectives and a path towards achieving them matters. Having a plan before your case provides you with advantages from beginning to end.
There are so many factors at play in a divorce. This is a rare type of legal case that involves all matters in a person’s life. For you to have confidence moving forward means having clearly defined goals. These goals are not always easy to see at first. Your mind may be moving in a thousand different directions at once. As a result, focusing on any one goal may be a huge challenge for you. Overcoming this difficulty is a part of many divorce cases.
Bringing the important issues of a divorce into focus is what the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan excel at. Meeting with one of our attorneys provides you with a window into what our attorneys have seen countless times in serving spouses in divorce. Gaining our experience and having it applied to your specific case is what makes these consultations so worthwhile.
The importance of the family home
The family home in a divorce represents more than any one subject. First, let’s consider the emotional and relational impacts of the family home. Many of the memories from your marriage and family life take place in a home. These are memories that are both good and bad. Make no mistake, by considering a divorce you are also considering a move from those memories. This impacts your case and your life. What many people do not consider is that divorcing your spouse may also mean taking on powerful emotions and feelings you had not previously considered.
Next, the family home has major financial stakes related to it. For many of us, the family home is the most significant investment you will ever make. Looking at the family home means considering how your finances are set up in a post-divorce world. Many people resist budgeting for several reasons. This is not advisable. Hopefully, by moving forward with the divorce a silver lining may be found in becoming more intentional about your finances. This will help you now and in the future.
Finally, there are logistical concerns and considerations when it comes to moving out of the family home. As in, where are you going to sleep? Do you have a plan in place for where you are going to go? If so, is that place conducive to having custody of your child? A place for your children to sleep and be relatively comfortable is crucial. Yes, this home may only be a temporary location for your family. However, it’s still important for you to have a well-thought-out plan when it comes to your home.
Motivations for fathers to stay in the home
if you are a father reading this blog post then the thought has probably crossed your mind as to whether leaving the home is a good idea. It just so happens that dads tend to be the ones who are put in the position where staying or going is the option. There are many reasons for this. However, one of the most likely reasons is that mothers are almost always the primary caretakers of their children. As a result, moms tend to remain in the home longer. This does not mean that mothers always tend to get primary custody. However, this is an indication that moms more often than dads earn this right in a divorce.
Many dads approached the subject with the perspective that they were doing a good deed by leaving the home. Increasing the peace of the home is a good thing. As a dad you and your spouse may be decreasing the peace in the home by your actions right now. Therefore, the sensible thing would be to leave, right? Not so fast. There are many factors in play when one decides to leave with family home.
Not the least of which would be that by leaving the family home you put yourself in a position where you may not be able to get back in so easily. That is what we are going to spend a great deal of time discussing for the remainder of today’s blog post. The one main advantage to leaving the family home is that you may be able to increase the peace for your family. For many families, this is an important goal to bear in mind. However, it also bears mentioning that families such as yours may have other circumstances which are just as important.
Be careful when deciding to leave the family home
No matter if you are a husband or a wife it is worthwhile to consider your options when it comes to leaving the family home. There are many powerful considerations at play regarding this subject. For instance, remember that your children need you just as much as your co-parent. Do not undersell your importance in the lives of your children. Rather, consider that your child may need you now more than ever when it comes to your daily life.
By leaving the family home, you are removing yourself from the life of your children. This may not be your main intent. Your objective in leaving the family home may be completely noble. However, and leaving the family home you are making it more difficult for you to have a relationship with your children. This is true both in the short and long term. The last thing you should whom is that you always have the opportunity to divorce to gain more time with your children.
Many parents who decide to leave the home find that being able to gain more time with the kids proves easier said than done. Contrary to what many parents think, there is no sure thing when it comes to how a judge views your situation. Just because the decision to leave the home seems completely selfless on your part would not mean a judge will necessarily see it that way. In fact, by leaving the family home and your children it can be argued that you are taking the easy way out.
Considerations for spouses without children
Additionally, there are worthwhile considerations for you when it comes to the house even if you do not have children. Deciding to leave the family home means potentially not regaining access. For instance, by leaving the family home you are allowing your spouse to gain a foothold into your most important and valuable asset. We have all heard the expression that possession is 9/10 of the law. While this is not always the case, it rings true in a divorce. By leaving the home, you allow your spouse to make herself at home alone.
Again, your goal may be completely selfless. Wanting to allow her some time during the divorce is sensible. However, trying to regain the home in a divorce can prove difficult. Judges usually are not overly excited at the idea of switching up possession of anything during a divorce. As a result, by losing the house early in the divorce you may have cost yourself the house moving forward.
Of course, there are many considerations worth looking at here. For instance, you and your spouse’s ability to afford the mortgage payments is at the top of the list. Not being able to afford mortgage payments is a major reason why people choose not to retain or take possession of the house in a divorce. Purchasing a home likely means that both your income and that of your spouse were considered. The math changes significantly when you look at home ownership as a single adult.
Final thoughts on leaving the family home
Whatever the situation is that you are facing in your marriage the decision to leave the family home is not one you should make without giving all the circumstances a great deal of thought. For parents, leaving the family home means potentially leaving behind their children. This in and of itself is difficult. However, there may be situations that warrant leaving the family home. Maintaining the peace in the home and providing your child with stability are reasons why leaving may be in your best interest.
At the same time, the best interests of your children may be served with your stay. This is especially true if you have been the primary caretaker for your children. Allowing for stability in the home means looking at the case from a safety perspective for your kids. Many children struggle in situations where family roles are in turmoil. For you, increasing the stability could mean filing a divorce and seeking clarification on the family rules as soon as possible.
Even for spouses with no minor children, the decision to leave the family home should not be one arrived at without a great deal of consideration. The financial and relational considerations with thinking about. Thank you for joining us today on the blog for the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. Interested in learning more about how your family is impacted by the material in this blog post? Contact us today.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
