The moment you hear that your spouse wants a divorce surely one that will stick with you for the rest of your life. The life that you had planned on leading is not going to happen. The goals and aspirations you had are now moot points. Instead of planning a life together with your spouse, you are now going through the separation process. This is a moment that likely transpired quickly but feels like it is taking a lifetime. As a famous songwriter once said, you feel like you’re stuck in a moment that you can’t get out of.
However, the world around you is moving as normal. When we experience those bad moments in life, we can almost feel like the entire world should stop along with us. However, that does not happen. The rest of the world is moving along as if the news of a divorce was not just broken to you. For you, it is one of the most consequential moments in your entire life. However, for the rest of us the day proceeds as normal.
What does this mean for you and your family moving forward? Undoubtedly, it means a lot of change upcoming. Your family needs to be able to attend to the matters related to the divorce quickly. Even though it is a painful time. It is still crucial for you to be able to attend to these issues. The longer it takes for you to handle them the less likely you are for a positive outcome. Today, the Law Office of Bryan Fagan will share with you our thoughts on how best to move forward when your spouse asks for a divorce.
Remain calm
Understandably, the reaction of many people in a situation involving it proposal of divorce is to become irate. Losing your control in a moment like that is somewhat understandable. Again, your entire life is being picked up and shaken around like a snow globe. With that said, it may feel good at the moment to let out your frustration but in the long run it accomplishes nothing. At worst, you may say or do something you come to regret a great deal.
Rather than proceed in this manner, consider the alternative. Remain calm and do not let your emotions get the better of you. The advice in this area is not dissimilar from the advice given to your child when he or she faces bad news. Going through a range of negative emotions during this time is to be expected. Nobody would ask that you smile and nod your head necessarily. However, you should still be able to conduct yourself as an adult despite the news presented to you.
As we are about to see, there is still good reason for being respectful towards your spouse. Letting out a torrent of four-letter words may be the natural reaction for most people. However, you should choose to go a different route. There is still much to be gained by having a civil relationship with your spouse. Being respectful even when you are upset with this person can pay major dividends to you down the line in your case.
Your relationship with your spouse changes after a divorce
In that moment of being told your spouse is filing for divorce they may feel like your relationship with this person is coming to an end. For those of you who do not share children with your spouse then this may be true. However, for everyone else, your co-parenting relationship still exists. This means that you have a young child to raise with your spouse. For this reason, it is wise to pay close attention to your behavior. Do not let your emotions get the best of you in this situation.
If you thought that co-parenting in the same household was difficult now you are coming face to face with the situation where your co-parent and you live in separate households. Therefore, communication with one another is more important and simultaneously more difficult. This means you need to make a concerted effort to communicate respectfully with one another. All the while the two of you have issues in your marriage to sort out through the divorce.
A divorce is a delicate balancing act. You are attempting to protect yourself and your children as much as possible. At the same time, the opposing party in your divorce is someone that you need to maintain a civil relationship with. Working with an experienced family law attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan helps you to be able to manage all these priorities. For a free-of-charge consultation with one of our experienced family law attorneys please reach out to our office today.
Think about what comes next
No matter how bad the circumstances seem there is always a next step. You may not necessarily like what is coming next but there must be a next step. Your life cannot remain stuck in the mud or stuck in neutral. Rather, contemplating the next stage of your life means thinking about the basics of your life. It also means thinking more about the essentials of your relationship with your child.
A parent’s first thoughts go immediately to their child. Where is your child going to be tonight? Does your child need to go with you someplace to stay for a couple of days? Is it better for you to leave the house temporarily? Where would you stay? Does your spouse have a place to go and stay? Determining your family situation comes first. Once you know where everyone is going to be staying for the foreseeable future you may begin to make decisions about other subjects.
Before you begin making decisions and thinking about more in-depth subjects there comes the question of representation in a divorce. Will you be hiring an attorney for your divorce case? Deciding whether to hire a lawyer becomes the most consequential question in the early part of your divorce. There are several factors to consider. Making a difficult decision about a divorce carries with it the future of your case. There is no doubt that your success or lack thereof depends in large part on your attorney.
Hiring an attorney for your divorce
It is best to ponder the question of whether to hire an attorney early in your divorce case. For those of you who are interested in hiring an attorney, there are advantages to doing so sooner rather than later. Being able to begin your case on the right note is important. Many clients of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan began representing themselves. It was only after making mistakes and costing themselves time and money that they ultimately decided to hire a lawyer.
You have an opportunity to avoid finding yourself in the same situation. There are some things about hiring an attorney that you should know before making the decision. First, hiring an attorney does not mean giving up all of your decision-making ability. You are still in charge of your case even after hiring a lawyer. The attorney is not there to make decisions for you. Rather, the attorney’s job is to advise and assist you. In the courtroom, your attorney is also your primary advocate.
None of this does away with the reality that you are still your primary decision-maker. For better or worse the case still hinges on trying to take a difficult situation and make the best decisions possible. Attorneys are advisers and advocates. We do not strip you of any decision-making authority. Understanding this may help you to make better decisions for yourself both now and in the future. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is here to help you through whatever circumstances you find yourself in. Contact us today for a free of charge consultation.
Do you need to hire an attorney in your divorce case?
It would help to learn whether hiring an attorney is necessary in a divorce case. In Texas, you are not required to hire an attorney before filing for divorce. You may choose to hire an attorney in some situations. Taking some time after a divorce becomes an option for your family is sensible. Many people rush to decide one way or the other. Either a divorce attorney becomes something that they decide to do immediately, or it is ruled out without additional thought.
Neither way to go about things is all that smart. Rather, taking time to consider your options is the best way to approach this scenario. You may be surprised to learn that there are circumstances where our office may not fully recommend you hire a lawyer. This would be in circumstances where you have no minor children and own very little or no property with your spouse. At that point, the stakes of the case become low enough, and hiring an attorney may not be in your best interests.
On the other hand, the decision to hire an attorney becomes more sensible when you have more at stake. This is true especially when there are minor children involved or a significant amount of property. In either case, there is a lot for you to consider as far as your responsibility to protect your property and your children. Doing so without an intricate knowledge of the divorce process is not easy. Truly, this is where an attorney pays major dividends. Many people who go through a divorce do so with one arm tied behind their back because they choose not to hire an attorney. Thinking through this issue means contemplating the possible outcomes when you do not have a lawyer.
Beginning to prepare for a divorce
Like it or not, when your spouse tells you that she’s filing for divorce that means you need to begin taking action. Thinking about your children is step one. Who do you envision being the primary caretaker of your children? This is the most immediate question to ask. I say this because it will inform the decisions you make in the beginning stages of a case. For instance, if you believe that you need to be your child’s primary conservator then leaving the family home is a bad idea. The reason for this is that judges may see leaving the home as neglecting your children. Instead, choose to remain in the home or make sure to take your children with you before leaving the family home.
Next, determining how best to protect your assets and property is the next step. For those of you with sizable property holdings, this is an especially important question. Many people who go through divorce cases don’t think clearly about the property that they own. All your hard work in building up property holdings may be wasted if you do not allocate them properly in the divorce. Texas handles its property division in divorce differently than most states.
The reason for this is that Texas is a community property state. This means that the presumption is all property owned by you and your spouse at the time of your divorce is subject to division. That presumption can be rebutted with sufficient evidence. However, the case starts with all property being in play for division. Immediately, this puts you in a position where you may need to build a case to protect property that should be counted as a part of your separate estate. How is this done most effectively? By organizing your financial life.
Organizing financial information at the beginning of a divorce
One of the most important steps to preparing for a divorce comes in the form of getting financial statements ready. There are two parts to this equation. The first is proving that certain assets or debts are part of either the community or separate estates. Having proper documentation to make your case is essential. When it comes down to it, a court will hesitate to award property in the way you wish when you do not have proper documentation to prove its character. I am talking about things like purchase agreements, sales receipts, and things of this nature. Anything that would go to show that property belongs in a specific column.
The other important part of planning and organizing your finances is to be able to negotiate over the division of your community property. Since community property is divisible in the divorce you should expect that you and your spouse may have different opinions on how to divide the property.
Ultimately, it comes down to negotiation. Do not assume that a family court judge will be the one dividing the property. Rather, it is much more likely that you and your spouse will be the ones tasked with dividing the property. At the very least, providing up-to-date and accurate information on the division of property can help you and your spouse be on the same page. When the two of you cannot agree on the basics of your property, there is little chance for agreement on the more complex discussions.
Final thoughts on moving forward in a divorce
Nobody would tell you that being divorced is fun. It is absolutely one of the most difficult things that you will go through. Having a divorce thrust upon you against your will is a shock to your system. However, that does not mean that you must explode with anger or other negative emotions. Likewise, being a pushover and not standing up for yourself should not be an option for you. Rather, taking into consideration what matters most and developing a plan to move forward is the sensible alternative.
All these goals are promoted when you consider hiring an experienced family law attorney. There are very few divorce cases where hiring an attorney would not be to your advantage. Even then, consulting with an experienced family law attorney is still reasonable. For any consultation, you may ask an attorney for their opinion on your circumstances. Obtaining relevant information there’s another benefit to meeting with an attorney at the outset of a divorce.
We have covered a great deal of information in today’s blog post. Any questions you have may be directed to one of our experienced family law attorneys. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan offers free of charge consultations six days a week. These are not sales consultations. Rather, our attorneys treat them like informational sessions. You may tell us what is happening in your case and expect feedback based on our years of experience. The better equipped you are for your divorce the better decisions you will make. This stands to benefit you and your family for years to come.
Considering a divorce Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan today
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law, specifically about divorce. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
