When you make a decision to move forward with a divorce it means that not only are making a decision for yourself and your spouse, but also for your children.
In circumstances where your marriage has become more about liabilities and crisis than love and support, you are justified in taking the steps towards preparing for a divorce.
There is no question that you arrived at this decision after deliberate thought and consideration. There is also no question that your divorce will affect your children’s lives in a profound way. How successful families deal with and move past a divorce that will be the subject of today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan.
If you have always been a parent that has focused intensely on:
- your children
- their successes
- their goals
- their shortcomings
- their well being-
your going through a divorce should not change that at all. It will not be easy to maintain your pre-divorce focus on your children while you are in the middle of upheaving your life as you knew it.
Nobody will argue that point. However, I have unfortunately seen good parents lose track of why exactly he or she is going forward with a divorce and instead focus on “sticking” it to a spouse that they feel has wronged him or her in some way. This is a bad plan. Not only will you not get the satisfaction that you are seeking (justice is rarely handed out swiftly or sufficiently in a divorce) but you can lose touch with your children.
A divorce offers you a time to create a life for yourself and your children separate and apart from a spouse that was becoming more of a liability than a bedrock for your family.
While there will certainly be transitional elements to this time it can be time well spent. If you can, believe me, you may even walk out of your divorce with a better relationship with your children.
Intentionality matters in a divorce
Anyone who is married and has settled into a comfortable life with their spouse and family can tell you that some days we just go through the motions without giving what we’re doing much thought. If you’re driving home from the office that is ok, but if you are attempting to plan out the next five or ten years of your life that is not ok.
If you are able to take an approach with your marriage and your parenting that you will act with intentionality you can do well for yourself and your family.
What exactly do I mean by “intentionality”? Simply put, intentionality to me means making conscious decisions about important subjects based on an analysis of the possible outcomes of your actions. It means acting intentionally rather than accident or spur of the moment reaction.
Charting a course with goals in mind for your divorce is acting with intentionality. Making a conscious effort to be available, physically and emotionally, for your children is acting with intentionality. I’ve found in my time as an attorney that it is the person who lives their life purposefully that tends to find success over those that do not.
If you are a parent who is going through a divorce then you will likely find that your schedule with your children has been altered in some way. It could be that you are seeing your children less frequently now because they are visiting every other weekend with their other parent.
Instead of sulking around your home when you are not with your children, why not use this time to set some near and long-term goals for yourself, both as an individual and as a parent. If you seek out these goals in the middle of the jungle of a divorce case you’re going through you are likely to see yourself and your family with more clarity. Imagine the clarity that you will be able to see with once your divorce has concluded!
Suppose that you are the parent who maybe didn’t take your parenting all that seriously. Your work came first, or maybe your phone was out during every interaction you had with your children. Surfing the internet or checking your Fantasy Football score when you should have been spending quality time speaks to my earlier point of just sort of mindlessly coasting through life without any intentionality about your actions.
Your divorce may be the perfect time for you to begin acting with purpose, especially towards your children.
If you have pre-designated periods of possession with your children there is no longer an option of having your spouse shoulder the heavy burden of parenting. The kids are with you for a fairly extended period of time. It is your choice how that time is utilized and the sort of experiences that you build with your children.
Your time with your children is about you and them- not you and your spouse
Giving your children your full attention when you are with them is important, as we just discussed. Do not get sucked into bad-mouthing your spouse with your children no matter what may be going on with your divorce.
Remember- your children don’t want to hear anything about your case no matter how badly you may need to “vent”. Furthermore, your judge will be none too pleased that you chose to vent to your children about your spouse if that were to ever come to his or her attention.
Finally, strive to end any “petty” behavior. If you purchase your children clothes, school supplies or sporting equipment and see that those items are traveling with your children from your home to your spouse’s home do not insist that those items remain with you.
Again, on a very real level, you and your spouse are going to still be a team after your divorce is finalized. Your teammate and you will need to be able to function well enough to help each other raise your children. Put your pride on the backburner and do what it takes to provide for your children, no matter how you feel about your spouse.
Questions about how to parent during a divorce? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you are facing a divorce please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan today. Our attorneys represent clients across southeast Texas and would be honored to do the same for you and your family. A free of charge consultation is only a phone call away.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
If you want to know more about how to prepare, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “13 Dirty Tricks to Watch Out For in Your Texas Divorce, and How to Counter Them" Today!”
Other Articles you may be interested in:
- Co-parenting tools, systems and helpful knowledge for post-divorce life
- How a Parenting Class Can Help Me and My Ex-spouse Co-parent in Texas?
- 11 Things You Must Know About Texas Child Custody
- Child Custody Basics in Texas
- Roadmap of Basic Divorce Procedure in Texas
- Child Custody Basics in Texas
- 6 Mistakes that can Destroy Your Texas Divorce Case
- 10 Quick Tips About Parental Visitation
- Help!! My Ex-Spouse Kidnapped my Child
- Who gets to keep the kids while the divorce is pending in Texas
- When Can a Minor Child Weigh in on Custody Decisions in Texas?”
Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with one of our Houston, TX Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
Our divorce lawyers in Houston TX are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.