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Are you going through a divorce? Preparing for an end to your marriage is not like anything else you have done. There are so many elements to a divorce case that you need to be aware of. It’s almost like needing each of your senses to always be at their most alert. This is not to overstate anything about a divorce. True enough, life goes on for you and your spouse after the divorce. However, what you need to concern yourself with is getting ready for a case that can change the course of your life for better or worse.
Fortunately, when you need information the Law Office of Bryan Fagan is here to help you. Our attorneys focus their practice on family law. When you go through a family law case with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan it means that we walk alongside you through the difficulties and anxieties of a case. We are not satisfied to just file your divorce and leave you to fend for yourselves. Rather, our attorneys advocate for our clients inside and outside the courtroom.
In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we are going to focus our attention on the “3 C’s” of divorce in Texas. What are those 3 C’s? Communication, compromise, and cooperation. By focusing on these three divorce elements, you can better prepare for what comes in a divorce. Stick around for today’s blog post for a quick dose of information geared towards helping you in your divorce.
Communication in a divorce
For starters, a divorce is not all about the courtroom. At the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we know the popular conception about divorce is that a judge determines the outcome of your case. Think about scenes from popular movies and television shows that depict divorce. A judge banging their gavel, attorneys objecting to everything the other says, and spouses caught in the middle. It’s an almost helpless feeling for the actual people getting divorced. Almost like they are swept up in a tidal wave they can’t control.
Fortunately, this is not the experience of most people in a divorce. Divorce cases are all unique- based on the circumstances of you and your family. However, there is rarely a case where people wind up fighting in a courtroom. Judges won’t allow that to happen in a courtroom for one. Secondly, it takes some effort to wind up in court. Most families see to it that their problems are sorted out before setting foot in a courtroom. No, it’s no magic that helps people avoid the fate of dramatic courtroom episodes.
Rather, it is old-fashioned communication that sets the tone for a divorce. Rather than become frustrated at the prospect of an all-out fight in a divorce, it is good practice to learn how communication can improve your chances of a more amicable divorce. While not every divorce can be salvaged due to better communication skills, many can. Showing a commitment to communication is a great first step towards developing a better strategy within your case.
Assessing your situation objectively
Being objective is difficult during a divorce because of all the emotions tied up in a case. Not only are you dealing with consequential and difficult subject matter but also the emotions which are inherent in a case. Your relationship with your family members, your future, and the well-being of your children are all at stake. There is no area of your life that a divorce does not touch. As a result, you need to be prepared to look at your case, not with rose-colored glasses.
This means taking a hard look at yourself and your spouse. Your relationship with one another matters. It is important to point out that just because you and your spouse are going through a divorce does not mean that your relationship is ending. If the two of you do not have minor children you are still going to need to coordinate on matters related to the division of your marital property. It is nearly impossible to divide that property during or after the divorce without working together. Therefore, communication is important.
Moving on from there, working together on matters related to your children is even more important. As parents, we know that children thrive on consistency and stability. Unfortunately, no event stands to rupture that degree of consistency or stability more than a divorce. Moving, unpacking, the possibility of a different school- these are all possible outcomes of a divorce from the perspective of your children. Communicating through these challenges is essential.
How well do you and your spouse communicate?
All of us have our strengths and weaknesses. Things at which we excel and other areas where we do not. If communication is one of those areas where you do not necessarily excel then this is a good time to realize that. Furthermore, a divorce is a time when you and your spouse likely do not stand to communicate well together anyway. Usually, people who are upset with one another do not typically communicate all that well. As a result, whatever you two can do to help your communication skills can make a major difference.
Maybe communicating face-to-face is not in the best interests of either of you. This is why, in mediation, mediators place spouses in different rooms. This lowers the temperature of the negotiation process and makes it simpler to work together. Communication means working through attorneys, as well. If you and your spouse are completely unable to communicate with one another then using attorneys can be a great advantage for both of you. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan excel at assisting spouses who have had difficulty communicating with their spouses.
It is up to you and your spouse to work together on communication skills. This is not something that will improve on its own. If the two of you take the time necessary to improve your skills it will make a tremendous difference in your case. Have questions about how to take practical steps forward in communicating with your spouse? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan to learn more about this subject.
Compromise is the name of the game in a divorce
We all want to get our way. Whether it is at work, in our personal lives, or with our children. We like getting what we want when we want it. That’s human nature. However, the people who are the most successful and content can find a middle ground with the people around them. Compromise is the name of the game in the world of ours. We share our space, possessions, and emotions with others. If we cannot compromise effectively we are left fighting to get our way at every turn. That is not a very pleasant way to go about our lives.
This truth comes into focus during a divorce. When we go through a divorce it means finding a middle ground with our spouse. There is never a divorce where both spouses participate and one person gets their way 100% of the time. Spouses will always attempt to negotiate. Whether they are successful or not, it is never the case where divorce is completely one-sided. Rather, spouses need to become comfortable with the idea that they are going to have to work together on matters related to the case.
I think that this is the first step towards a more manageable and palatable divorce. Many people go into a divorce used to getting their way. Very quickly they realize, however, that this is not how a divorce is set up. Rather, the divorce process lends itself towards settling difficult subject matter through compromise. Identifying areas where you can potentially compromise with your spouse is important. Doing this leaves you to focus attention on the areas where compromise is less likely.
What are the areas of your divorce where compromise is most possible?
The attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan recommend to clients that they identify areas of their case where compromise is most likely. What are the parts of your life where you and your spouse are most likely to see eye to eye on things? This is a great exercise for you to engage in. For one, it should start your case off with an optimistic point of view. Instead of dwelling on the areas of your case which are sure to produce difficulties why not look at it with the glass half full?
When it comes to property division there are a few ideas to think about when it comes to cooperation. Trying to see the case from the perspective of your spouse matters. If you cannot stop for a moment and look at the case from their perspective it makes it very difficult to settle. Otherwise, you are just seeing things as your spouse trying to “take” all “your” property. In actuality, the situation is more complicated than that. This is your collective property that you and your spouse both own. Simply looking at the situation from this perspective can make a major difference in your approach to the case.
Looking at your case as it pertains to your minor children you should focus on what is in the best interests of your children. This is what matters in a family law case with children. It is not necessarily the case that you will always be able to win on the subjects most important to you. Rather, you and your co-parent should focus your attention on maximizing all the positives for your children in this case. Whatever those are, place your focus there. It is less important to get what you want than what your children need.
Cooperation is important during and after a divorce
Cooperating with your spouse is not something most people want to do during a divorce. Trying to end a marriage but also cooperating with your spouse may seem like conflicting goals to have. However, even as your marital relationship comes to an end you are still in a position where you and your spouse need to be able to work together. At the very least, the two of you need to cooperate on matters related to your finances. If you all have children, then those kids need to be the most important part of your case.
Work together on how to handle your family finances. Remember that during your divorce the household bills are still going to be ongoing. Just because you are going through a divorce does not mean that those financial responsibilities are paused. For one, consider that you and your spouse may need to determine the best way to divide property during the divorce. This means your cars, personal effects and the rest of your property may need to be divided between the two of you.
Don’t forget about the mortgage and what you would like to do with your home. Many families in your position don’t start to think about the mortgage until the end of your case. Since this is the largest asset that you and your spouse own it is a mistake to leave this to the last minute. There are three options when it comes to the house. You can either sell it, decide that you are going to stay in the house, or leave it to your spouse. Cooperating on how to manage the house determines a large portion of your case.
Cooperating on the family home
A family home in the divorce represents a major point of conflict for many families. For one, there are very few things that you own which are more valuable. The house is not only a valuable asset, but it is also an emotional centerpiece of your life. The memories, good and bad, that your family has made are likely inside that home. As a result, it can take some time and effort to figure out how you want to handle the home. It is a big decision to make and you do not have an unlimited amount of time to make that decision.
At the same time, the person with whom you need to make this decision is not someone that you likely have found much to agree with in recent years. Certainly not now that you are going through a divorce. Managing the case is difficult enough as it is. Having to manage the possible sale of a house is even more difficult. One thing that may make the process simpler for you all is that the finances of your family may make it easier for you to decide. Since mortgages are typically based on the income of both spouses neither of you may be able to afford the mortgage on your own.
With that said, working alongside your spouse to determine how the sale of your home should work after a divorce is the best decision you can make. For instance, working to select a realtor is step one. Then, determining a sales price, negotiation over how the property repairs will be completed and other small details will matter. Something as “small” as cooperating on showing the home is another way for you two to cooperate.
Final thoughts on the 3 C’s of divorce in Texas
Communicating your way through a divorce is not only important but essential. Spouses who are unable to communicate well during a divorce find that they have a longer and less successful process. If you want to be able to manage your case more effectively you and your spouse must learn how to communicate well for this period. Working with an experienced family law attorney can also help you focus better on communication.
Once the two of you learn how to communicate better then compromise should be easier to manage. Remember that people who work through a divorce do so with a middle ground as the focus of their case. As in, what middle ground can you find in the case, and who is capable of making the first move to settle? If you and your spouse do not maintain this mindset then it is likely that a judge has to make decisions for you. Again, this prolongs the case and makes it much more expensive.
Finally, cooperation comes about naturally as you learn how to communicate and compromise with one another. Cooperation means seeing the case from the perspective of your spouse. It also means acknowledging the role of your children. Their best interests matter more than anything else in a divorce. Maximizing the case for your children and for yourselves means looking at every situation as an opportunity for cooperation. This mindset pays huge dividends for your family now and into the future.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
