Ever wonder how to begin a divorce? The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is here to provide you with the guidance you need to get your divorce case off the ground. This is quite honestly one of the most difficult parts of a divorce. So often, spouses in your position have a desire to begin their case but just don’t know where to begin. With so many factors and the limitations of time to contend with, questions are normal. Finding answers to those questions, however, is more difficult than you may think. There is so much at stake in the case, and you do not want to make any unforced errors.
There certainly are ways for you to maximize your time spent in a divorce. Of course, there is no way to have a perfect divorce. By the same token, it is possible to avoid mistakes if you are being intentional. That is where the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan come into play. We not only enjoy serving clients in the courtroom but also guiding them at the negotiating table. Part of this process is educating our clients. We extend that same heart of a teacher to our community in this blog post.
Moving forward with confidence in a divorce
Anyone can wander into a divorce. However, to successfully manage a case, you need to have a plan. Having a plan means being intentional and thinking critically about your case. What are the issues that are most important to you? How do you propose that you account for those important areas of your life in a case? These are key questions to ask yourself.
Once you start asking questions you must begin to answer those questions. A question without an answer is like a run-on sentence. You may have a lot of good thoughts included but it ultimately is not taking you anywhere. Rather, the focus of your case should be on answering important questions. From there, it is possible to establish goals worth achieving.
This is how to build confidence in a divorce case. Wandering into a divorce does not inspire much confidence. Many people work through important issues in a divorce without ever thinking about clearly she’s all that much. The divorce is just a means to an end. Or the person will do whatever it takes to avoid working on these difficult issues. Their goal is to get to the end of their divorce as quickly as possible. The outcome is less important than simply not having to worry about the case.
This may be an understandable feeling, but it will leave you feeling like you left something on the table. Leaving a divorce with regret is the last thing you want to do. Rather, focusing your energy and time on achieving meaningful goals is a much better way to approach your divorce.
What matters most to you in a divorce
Simply put, determining what matters most to you and the divorce case is the most critical step in determining your way forward. It is incredibly important to think about the issues that matter the most to you and your family. Not only do you need to think about where your family is now, but you also need to focus your attention on where you want them to be in the future. For families with children your goal setting centers around the best interests of your children.
On the other hand, if you are a spouse going through divorce without children then your focus needs to be on your future. Your future has much to do with the financial makeup of your life as you transition into single adulthood. Understanding where you are now and where you want to go is critical. Having a plan that allows you to achieve whatever goals you have for yourself is within your grasp. However, focusing your time and attention on matters that are not related to goal setting has derailed many people who have gone through divorce cases.
This is such an important topic that it bears mentioning once again. Otherwise, diligent people who have gone through the divorce process have faltered simply because they lose their focus. With so much else going on during a divorce this is easy to do. There are so many shiny objects involved in a divorce that losing your attention for even a moment can cost you. Instead, here is something to think about as far as how focusing your attention on what matters most is for the best.
Keep your eye on the prize and focus on what is important
Remember the advice that your baseball coach used to give you? “Keep your eye on the ball.” In a baseball or softball game, there is a lot on the field which can distract you. Therefore, it is relatively easy to lose track of your objective when you are in the batter’s box. This is a huge mistake. Even taking your eye off the ball for a half-second is critically important. When you take your eye off the ball you reduce the likelihood of a successful at-bat by a great deal.
What you are left with is a swing that is not your best effort. You are hoping that the ball is going to be where you swing. Instead, choose to keep your eye on the metaphorical pitch delivered to you. True enough, you are not able to pick the circumstances involved in your divorce. There is so much ongoing in your case that it is easy to lose your concentration. However, just because something is easy does not mean it should be an excuse in your case.
Rather, take advantage of the opportunities presented to you in the divorce. Do not lose sight of the fact that there are only limited chances to work through the important goals of your case. When you see an opportunity to accomplish a goal you should jump at it the first time. The reason is that you may not have a second chance to achieve the goal.
Do not lose sight of your goals while arguing with your spouse
One of the unfortunate aspects of a divorce is that it is relatively easy to lose sight of your goals. Again, the more complex your life is the more complicated your case stands to be. There are several opportunities for you to become distracted and lose sight of your goals. A major issue that arises during a divorce that can distract you relates to arguments with your spouse. Emotions tend to be very high in a divorce. As such, there is ample opportunity to become engrossed in needless fighting with your spouse.
All the downtime spent in a divorce should be focused on negotiations. For starters, nobody knows your case better than you and your spouse. This is true even if the two of you do not see eye to eye on much of anything at this moment. Instead of fighting and bickering, spend your time productively. Use the opportunities you have to negotiate with one another to work through the subject matter of your case. You and your family will be glad you have done this.
Trust us when we say that in years to come you will not remember who won the petty fights that were Irrelevant to your divorce. Rather, all you will remember is what goals you accomplished in which you did not. When you take a case from this perspective it becomes easy to think about what matters most. Focus on your goals and not the petty arguments that come with every divorce case.
What good is the compass if you don’t use it?
How many times have we gotten lost while driving simply because we refused to look at the directions? I think every man reading this blog post would agree that we are more prone to this type of mistake. In prior times this would have involved us refusing to look at a map. Now it makes them to us refusing to stop to ask for directions if we cannot get Internet service. Whatever the case, it is important to note that using the available tools at our disposal is important when it comes to avoiding issues related to mistakes in a divorce.
So often we find ourselves in situations where it feels like we have no chance of success. We rationalize opportunities for small victories by telling ourselves that in the end, it doesn’t matter. This type of pitfall confronts many people going through a divorce. We understand that there are multiple steps in a divorce case. This means that there are multiple stages in a case where you stand to achieve worthwhile goals.
Likewise, there is ample opportunity to tell yourself that a particular goal or stage of a case does not matter. Why bother trying when it comes to accomplishing something small? There are so many larger parts of a case that demand more attention.
However, this misses the point. In a divorce being able to achieve your goals has to do with stringing together small victories across your case. Do not lose focus on what matters in your divorce. The better equipped you are to focus on the small issues of your case the more resilient you will be in the face of small defeats and setbacks which happen in every divorce.
Working through complex issues with your spouse
One of the good things about a divorce in Texas is that the process favors negotiation over litigation. This means all those horror stories that you’ve heard of where every person going through a divorce winds up in court or not true. Whether it be informal settlement negotiations with your spouse or mediation the divorce process allows for quite a bit of negotiation back and forth. This hopefully alleviates a lot of fears regarding where your case is headed.
By the same token, the person you are negotiating with is not someone that you are likely on the best of terms with now. Almost by definition, spouses going through a divorce are not in agreement on very much. As a result, the problems you face in your marriage come into focus during a divorce. Don’t expect that both you and your spouse will be able to see your case objectively the entire time. On the contrary, the irony of a divorce is that the person most likely to help you settle your case is also the person most likely to send your case to court.
Being involved in a divorce means that you must come face to face with negotiation. If communicating with your spouse was not something you excelled at as a married couple, then it is unlikely that you will fare better during the divorce. This is not me being pessimistic. Rather, it is a call to action. Focusing on the negatives in your divorce case accomplishes nothing for anyone. Rather, understanding your shortcomings and choosing to see the good in your spouse makes for a better opportunity to arrive at reasonable settlements.
Parents affix their compass on their children
Expert navigators always seek to find True North. By being able to find this direction everything else in their journey comes into focus. No matter the twists and turns of a journey by affixing your compass on True North you can avoid getting lost in the future. In the days before GPS and the Internet, this was especially important. Even now, there are places in the world where technology cannot help you when it comes to getting around. Therefore, these tried-and-true methods of navigation are still critical.
These types of lessons apply, also to your divorce. When we talk about goal setting what we really mean is being able to find true north in your life. Once you can find True North there is nothing that will be able to throw you off course. In your divorce case, True North is the subject matter that is most important to your case. As a parent myself, I cannot imagine a case involving children would not have them at the top of your priorities list.
This is not me trying to substitute my values for yours. Every parent has their perspective and starting point when it comes to this subject. However, it is our experience at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan that parents most typically place their children as True North. The faster you come to understand this as a parent the better you are at being able to support yourself and your case. There was also something about pushing through difficult moments when you understand that your children stand to benefit the most from your tenacity.
Financial issues and planning for success
For many of us, financial matters tend to be a burden more than anything else. We tend to think about finances only when things are going poorly for us. In times when the tide is high, we move along without thinking too much about our day-to-day financial affairs. However, when times are rough that is when we tend to focus our energies on tightening up our budgets. In the context of a divorce, this means spending time focusing on the major areas of your financial life.
Your family home is one of those major financial areas. Make no mistake, many people who go through divorce do so with only minimal thought applied to their living situation. This is a mistake. Even if you have no children, the investment you made in your home is not something to scoff at. Rather, spend time figuring out the most sensible decisions to make when it comes to your family home. Additionally, working with your spouse means arriving at a reasonable outcome for the family house. The last thing you want is for your spouse to try and take on more than he or she can chew with the home mortgage.
Finally, for those of you going through a divorce in your golden years your retirement savings are of particular importance. Giving up equity in the home or cash may be smart when you must contend with the prospect of limited retirement resources. Instead, placing attention on your retirement savings provides peace of mind as you transition into retirement. Again, the goals for your divorce must be oriented toward the specific circumstances of your life. Working with an experienced family law attorney helps to make sure your compass is calibrated correctly.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. Interested in learning more about how your family is impacted by the material in this blog post? Contact us today.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
