Deciding to separate from your spouse is a huge deal. There are no two ways about it. You and your spouse have built a life together no matter how long you have been married. Now that you are contemplating a divorce, a separation is the first step towards that outcome. With so much to consider you undoubtedly have your children, your property, your job, and your future on your mind. It is no wonder why you are experiencing so much stress and anxiety right now. There is a lot on your mind. It’s not like life is slowing down for you right now, either.
Separating from your spouse is a life decision that should not be made without a plan. Meaning, we at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan have seen people just like you separate from their spouses without a path forward. It can feel rewarding and even freeing to separate from your spouse at first. However, without a good plan for the rest of your life, it is a fleeting feeling. Our attorneys work with our clients to make sure you have a plan that is geared toward long-term success.
How can you work with your spouse to navigate separately like a pro? Read today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Any questions you have about the material you have read can be addressed to one of our attorneys. We offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone and via video.
Maintaining financial transparency
Being honest with your spouse is important. That is important during your marriage but it is also important in the leadup to a divorce. The separation period is a great time for the two of you to re-learn the lessons of honesty with one another. When you and your spouse are living separately from one another that means there is a possibility that issues develop from a financial perspective. Remember that the rest of your life does not go on “pause” just because the two of you are contemplating a divorce.
Think about all the different areas of your lives that are impacted by the separation. Setting aside the most important issue of your case, your children, many property and finance-related questions need to be addressed before the divorce is said and done. This can best be accomplished through open and honest communication. That may seem like a challenge at this time, but it is no less true. Trying to find some middle ground with your spouse is unavoidable if you want a successful divorce.
There is no better time to begin utilizing that mindset than now. Beginning the separation to be clear with your spouse does not mean that you must be difficult to deal with. What it means is that the two of you need to work together to settle your differences. The consequences of not doing so are that you will need to address these problems down the road. At worst, you will need to go to a trial and have a judge decide the issues for you and your spouse.
What are the financial consequences of a separation?
Separation from your spouse means that communication becomes even more critical. At first glance, you may think that it is less important that the two of you communicate now. However, separation means that the two of you still have a married life that needs to be coordinated across two households. Face-to-face conversations need to be replaced with text messages and phone calls. Not exactly easy for two people who are not on great terms now. Being able to navigate these choppy waters is what you need to focus on.
Specifically, the areas of a case that are most important immediately from a financial standpoint involve the household. If you have a mortgage that bill still needs to be paid each month. Paying that bill means coordinating whose bank account will be listed on the account. Sometimes spouses will change bank accounts or remove access for one or the other. This makes it more difficult for spouses like you to coordinate on major items. It also makes it more complex for spouses to live on a day-to-day basis, as well.
Other bills like utilities, car payments, and school tuition need to be attended to. A divorce is not a valid excuse to start missing payments on these types of responsibilities. So that nothing falls between the cracks your communication skills need to be brought to the forefront during this time. What do you think is the easiest and most efficient way to pay those bills? Talk to your spouse about these issues now so that they can be attended to competently.
Sharing your income and information about your work
Many of us do not like the idea of sharing our income information with our spouses. We may have seen those types of discussions cause problems in the marriages of our parents. Our friends have told us horror stories about when they attempted to share information about their income with their husbands or wives. You may have a spouse who is insecure about their income compared to yours. There are many reasons why your spouse may not be a willing partner when it comes to sharing information about your income.
However, in a divorce that information becomes very important for several reasons. It is not just because the two of you need to coordinate bill paying right now. Rather, it has to do with a wide range of subjects including spousal support and child support. The income of both you and your spouse will tell you a more equitable way for the two of you to divide up household bills, as well. What you want to avoid is one person shouldering more or less burden on these subjects than is otherwise appropriate. When people are paying towards the bills in proportion to their incomes that is a sweet spot for a separated couple.
When spouses feel like they are trapped under a pile of bills that is added stress to your divorce. Remember that you will need to negotiate a divorce with that other person. If he or she feels stressed because of bills that means their mindset is geared towards survival rather than honest discussion regarding these important subjects. What you want is a partner who feels comfortable in their financial situation. That person can assess their present and future. This makes for a much easier and straightforward discussion on financial matters.
Household budget creation
Spending money that you don’t have is a scary situation. Many times we don’t even know that we are doing it. That is how far out of whack our household finances can be. Spending money in an out-of-control fashion is the last thing that you want to think about as you approach a divorce. You prefer for your finances to be handled well. Unfortunately, when you are separated from your spouse that is a recipe for financial miscommunication. Stressful periods in your life also can lead to spending that is outside your normal habits. In short, a divorce is a perfect time for things to start going wrong with your money.
One way to step into the situation and help avoid painful lessons associated with financial issues is to budget. Creating a home budget helps families just like yours maintain some degree of consistency with their spending. A household budget does not need to be something complicated or complex. Nor does it have to involve you spending a lot of money to get the process started. Rather, all it takes is the willpower to start. Then, once you have begun it just takes some continued willpower to budget into the future.
Start budgeting now if this is a skill at which you want to improve. Many people come back to tell the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan that budgeting made their divorce much easier. However, you only learn how to budget once you have tried your hand at it over multiple months. From personal experience, it takes three months of consistent budgeting to get your finances under control. Start now and you may find that by the time your divorce starts to pick up speed, you are already a seasoned budgeter.
Living arrangements
When you are separated from that spouse it places you all in a unique circumstance. One of the common characteristics among married people is that they live together. Cohabitating with your spouse is the rule, not the exception. When you and your spouse are contemplating divorce and decide to live apart that creates a complicated dynamic. In Texas, you and your spouse are just as much married now as you were when you were living together. Texas does not have a law on “legal separation” like other states do. Simply moving away from your spouse does not mean that you are divorced.
Deciding to move away from your spouse does put you in a situation where you need to plan for the next steps of your life as far as your marriage is concerned. Do you want to move forward with a divorce? This is a question that you need to answer sooner rather than later. Trying to solve the problems of your marriage may mean attending therapy or counseling sessions. Many people in your situation find that they suffer from a lack of communication with their spouse. Going to counseling may be the key to improving your communication skills enough to avoid a divorce.
However, if you find out that your marriage cannot be salvaged that means that taking steps towards a divorce becomes necessary. Living apart from your spouse is a major liability. Trying to care for children across multiple households without court orders presents many challenges and legal issues. On top of that, your spouse may choose to take out loans or incur debt that can saddle you with financial baggage for years to come. When you are confident that you need to move towards a divorce it is best to do so sooner rather than later.
Communication during a separation
As we have already discussed today, communication during a divorce is of the utmost importance. Being able to find a willing partner for dialogue during these months of your life is critical. The best interests of your children matter more than anything else. This means accounting for all the needs of your children along with planning their future. When you and your spouse can work alongside one another on this ideal front. Many parents in your shoes lose a great deal of time and energy when trying to communicate with an unwilling partner.
Instead, why not reach out to your co-parent now to determine the best way for the two of you to plan out your communication strategy? Being intentional about how you communicate with your spouse matters when you are not living together. Creating a communication plan is not overkill or unnecessary. Many people in your shoes find that it suits them better to know when and where communication opportunities will come from. Or else you may find that these precious opportunities slip between your fingers.
Fortunately for you, there are many modes of communication to take advantage of with your spouse. Face-to-face communication works best for some families. If you and your spouse can tolerate one another then this type of communication may work well. If face-to-face communication is a struggle for the two of you then you may find that text messaging is fine for short conversations. Longer conversations may need to be done over the phone. I know we are all big fans of text messaging for complex or sensitive subjects are not easily discussed via text.
Social media use during divorce
In case you were unaware, social media has become one of the most fertile spots for attorneys and clients alike to find evidence for their divorce cases. We know that families like yours tend to share information frequently over social media. Most of us do. However, just because social media is frequently used does not mean that it does not carry with it certain challenges within a divorce. Deciding how, or if, you will use social media during your divorce will impact the proceedings significantly.
If you do decide to use social media during a divorce it is best to reduce how often it is used. In addition, you should aim to only converse about specific subjects with certain people. By no means should you be discussing the contents of your divorce with anyone. Yours would not be the first case where a spouse harmed themselves by saying they regret their spouse or even the judge in a social media environment.
Rather, consider eliminating social media use during the divorce. This is not the same thing as deleting your social media accounts. That is something you should not do. Not going on social media reduces the likelihood that you create new evidence for your spouse to use against you in the case. It also increases the amount of time you have to spend on other subjects that are critical to your success within the divorce.
Securing strong legal advocacy for your family
When going through a divorce it is normal to feel like you do not where to turn for answers. A divorce involves so many different areas of your life that you cannot afford to focus solely on one area. Instead, it pays to have a diversified mindset and approach to your case. Having more questions than answers is also normal for this stage of a case. However, where you find answers to those questions will ultimately determine your level of success in a case.
That is where the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan come into play. Our experienced family law attorneys know what it takes to find success in a family law case. Specific to divorce, when you are separated from your spouse that is not the time to rest or relax. Rather, now is the time to start to develop a game plan for your case. Imagine your spouse- away from you and preparing for the divorce. Now picture you- doing little to nothing to prepare for a case. That is not the situation you want to find yourself in.
Reach out to the Law Office of Bryan Fagan on any questions you may have. We thank you for joining us today on our blog. We post unique and informative content every day about the world of Texas family law. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
