Getting ready for a premeditated divorce is undeniably daunting, involving a meticulous examination of various facets of your life, each demanding thorough thought and preparation. Similar to planning a funeral, this process can evoke discomfort and unease. However, the outcome of your preparations, though unwelcome, can profoundly affect not only your life but also those of your loved ones, especially your children.
Strategic Planning: Key to Success in Divorce Cases
I can tell you from experience that the divorce cases that go the best typically involve a person who has acted intentionally and planned. What does it mean to act intentionally and plan for a divorce? It all boils down to what you are willing to do to avoid surprises and set yourself up well with key points in your case. It is impossible to be able to anticipate every twist and turn of a divorce. Still, by thinking through every decision you make, you can avoid many problems along the way.
While the idea may seem daunting, it’s crucial to transition from being unprepared to being ready for a divorce case, even if it seems sudden. Without a solid plan outlining when to file for divorce and how to proceed with serving your spouse, you’ll struggle to adequately prepare for the process. Your spouse may be preparing for divorce right now without your knowledge. It should not frighten or intimidate you, but it should cause you to want to take action to be as prepared as possible.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
despite the heartwarming commercials, new segments, and other stories we hear about coming together during this pandemic, I don’t hold such a rosy view. My view is that, although there have been heartwarming stories here and there about people putting aside the difficulties of this pandemic to do what is right, most people have receded into themselves during this pandemic. The stay-at-home orders, social distancing mandates, and other efforts led by our governments to curb the spread of the virus have contributed to some of these challenges.
Some of our distancing has been more emotional in psychological. Single people have had fewer opportunities to be around others in a social environment. During the pandemic, many children like Ann have experienced a loss of socialization at school due to being confined to their homes. Similarly, married couples, despite residing together, may have become so absorbed in news consumption and social media scrolling that they’ve overlooked nurturing their relationship. During an era where self-care takes precedence, it’s crucial to acknowledge that neglecting your marriage can have adverse effects, especially during challenging times like the pandemic.
Reflecting on Pandemic Relationships: Have Your Intentions Matched Reality?
Ask yourself when the last time you and your spouse had a conversation was. I’m willing to bet that many of us thought at the beginning of this pandemic that we would reconnect with our spouses if given more time with them because of the stay-at-home orders. We may have had optimistic plans to have meaningful conversations, spend quality time together, and generally reconnect. Now that we are over one year into this pandemic, I would ask you to consider whether your intentions have met your reality seriously.
For the most part, I feel that we have not used this pandemic to reconnect with our loved ones. Many of us are so paralyzed by fear and disheartened by the state of our world that we’ve withdrawn into ourselves, thereby diminishing the potential benefits of being close to our family during this time. Rather than reaching across the couch to hug your spouse, you may be more likely to let your fingers do The Walking for you on your phone by spending on Amazon or doom scrolling on social media over negative stories put out every single day about any subject related to the coronavirus.
I’m not trying to pick on anyone, and I’m not saying that I’m not guilty of this myself at times. I am saying that we need to be honest with ourselves and consider our willingness and ability to prevent problems in our marriage before they occur or to repair broken-down aspects of our marriages before they lead to problems that could result in a divorce. The best way to prepare for divorce, in my opinion, is to never need one in the first place.
Beyond Presence: The Need for Meaningful Conversations in Marriage
Simply being physically present with your spouse in the same home will not suffice when it comes to repairing or mending fissures with your spouse. Improvements in marriage do not simply curb osmosis more by good intentions. Rather, it would help if you had meaningful and purposeful conversations with your spouse about the problems in your life. I couldn’t possibly pinpoint the exact problems, if any, in your marriage. There are so many problems that can impact married people these days that to attempt to do so would be a waste of everyone’s time.
Rather, my advice would be to think about your marriage and what problems you see. This may be easy for some of us than others. If you have problems analyzing your relationship or anything, be honest with yourself about issues you have with your approach to marriage. This type of exercise may be nearly impossible. With that said, I would still make an effort to figure out the main problems in your marriage in an attempt to solve them with you and your spouse.
Once you have identified what you believe are the most significant problems, you can sit down with your spouse to have an honest discussion. A good sign that your marriage is in trouble is if your spouse is unwilling to consider this type of conversation. If they do not give you the time of day when it comes to talking about the problems in your relationship, then those problems may be more serious than you’d even considered. At that point, you may need to escalate the response to those problems with a marriage counselor or therapist.
Prioritizing Honest Conversations: Creating Space Amid Distractions
If your spouse is willing to talk through these issues with you, then you should commit yourselves to have a discussion in the piece of your home with no distractions. It is so easy for us to become distracted with day-to-day issues like our work, our home, and even positive distractions like our children; however, while your children may be the center of your lives he that does not mean that they can’t be a distraction from having an honest conversation with one another.
Wait until the kids are in bed, turn off the television, and put away your phones. Commit to having an eye-to-eye conversation about these problems and what you can do to solve them. I would not go into an emotional and sometimes difficult conversation without a plan. When I have to have a difficult conversation with a client, I like to think about what I am going to say ahead of time. If you don’t plan out what you will say in a different conversation, you may say something that you regret or something to soften a blow on a person. To be unclear is to be unkind.
Active Listening: Key to Meaningful Conversations in Marriage
Once you have planned through what you want to talk to your spouse about the plan, be quiet. Having a conversation with a person means engaging in the give and take. It would help if you had enough trust in yourself and your spouse to be able to listen to the things they have to tell you, as well. Once you and your spouse have had an opportunity to hear what the other has to say, you should attempt to take concrete steps towards solving a particular issue that impacts your marriage. That may mean seeking out the advice or perspective of a counselor or therapist. That may mean talking to a priest, pastor, or another religious leader from your particular faith denomination.
Or, it may mean simply being available for your spouse from an emotional perspective. Again, just because you and your spouse eat dinner together each night and sleep in the same bed doesn’t mean a strong emotional connection between the two of you. Simply having emotional availability with your spouse can solve a lot of problems and a marriage. Issues with your kids, money, health and anything else can more readily be put into perspective if you and your spouse are well connected from an emotional perspective. Having a strong emotional tie with your spouse will not solve every problem in your marriage, but it will go a long way towards solving many problems.
What can you do if your divorce is inevitable?
Not every marriage can be salvaged with a simple conversation. I want to believe that more marriages could be saved through merely conversing with your spouse, but my experience working with families tells me otherwise. The fact is that your marriage may be beyond the help of a simple conversation between your cells or even with a therapist or counselor. In those scenarios, you should consider what to do now that divorce appears more likely than not.
The Importance of Open Communication with Your Spouse
The first thing that I would recommend doing is to begin talking to your spouse about the process. Many people would enter into a divorce with little planning and perhaps even not by discussing the process with their spouse at all. I don’t recommend this. Rather, I would recommend that you work things out with your spouse as much as possible before the divorce to avoid a situation where you have to negotiate in litigate through every tiny issue once the divorce begins. The more you can sort out before the divorce begins, the better off you will be in the long run.
To position yourself well for a divorce, start by organizing your property. Walk through your home and document the location of any items that could be contentious in the divorce. There’s a chance you may have to leave your house during the process, so it’s crucial to safeguard your belongings.
Additionally, gather relevant financial documents stored on your home computer, such as retirement statements, bank account records, and mortgage information. Consider making copies or ensuring future access to these documents, especially if they’re stored locally on your computer’s hard drive. With cloud technology, you may be able to access them from any device, but it’s wise to take precautions.
Safeguarding Your Interests in Divorce Proceedings
Next, you should begin speaking with an experienced family law attorney about your case. Ultimately, if you have significant assets at stake in your divorce or children involved, it’s advisable to seek representation from an attorney. While there’s no strict rule regarding legal representation in a divorce, the potential risks of proceeding without a lawyer are considerable.
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week. These consultations can be had over the phone, in person, or via video. If you want to know more about the divorce process in Texas, the issues you will face in a divorce, and how to plan regarding your children, then one of these meetings could go a long way towards helping you sort through some of the more important issues in your life.
Part of meeting with an attorney is being able to afford to pay a lawyer. Lawyers will typically charge an upfront fee known as the retainer and then bill you by the hour for services rendered on your case. This entails saving a significant sum of money upfront to cover your lawyer’s fees initially and ensuring you have funds available to cover ongoing expenses as your case progresses. The workload will vary based on your case’s complexity and the arising circumstances.
Having Age-Appropriate Conversations with Children About Divorce
Finally, I would take an opportunity to talk with your children about the divorce. Quite a bit depends upon the ages of my children and their ability to consider information about your case. Please take into consideration their ages and have an appropriate conversation with them based on their maturity levels. Younger children don’t need to know the ins and outs of your entire case but would likely benefit from being able to understand some of the macro-level changes that will occur in their day-to-day lives as a result of your divorce.
Older children may be able to appreciate some of the more difficult aspects of the divorce and a preview of what to expect with the case and your post-divorce lives. You probably don’t need to share the nitty-gritty details of your relationship problems with a child of any age. If you feel the need to share your experiences or vent, having a support system like extended family and friends would be preferable instead of sharing that sort of information with your children.
In conclusion, while preparing for a premeditated divorce may be emotionally taxing and uncomfortable, it is a crucial step towards ensuring a smoother transition and mitigating potential challenges in the future. By addressing various aspects of your life and making informed decisions, you can better navigate the complexities of divorce and safeguard your well-being and that of your family. Remember that seeking support from legal professionals, counselors, and loved ones can provide valuable assistance during this challenging time, offering guidance and helping you navigate the process with greater ease and confidence.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
if you have any questions about the material shared in today’s blog post</a>; please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn about the world of Texas family law and two find out how your families may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.
Other Related Articles:
- Preparing for Divorce in Texas: A Comprehensive Guide
- Hit the ground running in your Texas divorce by preparing with your attorney
- Preparing for a Social Study During Your Divorce or Child Custody Case
- How Do I Ask For A Divorce Peacefully?
- What Percentage of People Regret Filing For Divorce?
- Does It Matter Who Initiates a Divorce?
- The Impact of Divorce on estate planning in Texas
- What is One Of the Most Disruptive Issues in a Divorce?
- What is The Number One Indicator of Divorce?
- Navigating the Complexities of Divorce: Why You Need an Experienced Attorney
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes, Texas allows for immediate divorce under certain circumstances, such as in cases of family violence or when both parties agree to the divorce and meet specific requirements.
No, Texas law requires that the other spouse be properly served with divorce papers to ensure they are aware of the legal proceedings.
The 10-year rule in Texas refers to the duration of spousal maintenance (alimony). If a couple was married for at least 10 years, the court may order spousal maintenance under certain circumstances.
In Texas, there is no specific requirement for the length of separation to obtain a divorce. However, the court will consider the separation period and other factors when granting the divorce.
Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.
Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.
His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.
Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.