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In yesterday’s blog post from the attorneys at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we discussed how to communicate and conduct yourself in the courthouse. While it’s not guaranteed that you’ll attend a hearing during your divorce, most courts require mediation before proceeding to a contested hearing or trial, significantly reducing the number of cases that make it to court. However, since there’s still a chance you may need to attend, today’s focus is on how to remain calm and composed when testifying in court—an important aspect of achieving a successful divorce. Staying calm under pressure can make a significant difference in the outcome of your case.
Today we will put a bow on courtroom decorum and then will expand our discussion into how to conduct yourself outside of court in the time period leading up to the end of your divorce. Even after settling your case, your divorce isn’t officially complete, and circumstances can change as a result. Before we delve into how your habits can affect the end of your divorce let’s wrap up yesterday’s conversation regarding courtroom behavior.
Remain calm when in court, no matter what
It’s tempting and easy to lose composure when things don’t go your way in court. For instance, if your spouse starts lying during testimony, even subtly, it might be tempting to label them as such to your attorney. However, it’s not appropriate to do so.
Often, I provide my clients with a legal pad to jot down their thoughts or pass me notes if something significant arises. It’s crucial to track your thoughts and share them with your attorney. Outbursts, regardless of their justification, won’t benefit your case. Instead, let your attorney handle the situation. They can use any lies your spouse tells during cross-examination effectively. Trust your attorney to address these matters appropriately and refrain from taking matters into your own hands.
Another instance where it’s easy to lose your composure is when you’re on the witness stand. Attorneys excel at potentially provoking emotional reactions from the opposing party during testimony. Their objective is not only to elicit admissions you may prefer to avoid but also to make you appear foolish in the process. They’ll attempt anything to undermine your credibility in front of the judge. Remember, it’s not personal; it’s just business, as they say.
If the opposing attorney asks questions that may provoke you, remember that your demeanor and presentation are just as crucial as your words. Stay composed, remain still, and be respectful. Rest assured, the judge recognizes the pressure you’re under. Demonstrating composure in response to challenging questions will help cultivate a positive impression of yourself in the judge’s mind.
Show courtesy to all members of the courtroom staff- not just the judge
If you are at a restaurant I’m willing to bet that you speak nicely to your server, the busboy and the hostess. You probably look at them in the eye, smile and thank you when appropriate. These are the sort of things that our parents told us to do growing up and have become second nature to us now. My advice would be to apply those same skills to the people that you will be interacting within the courthouse.
From the other attorney to your spouse, the bailiff, court reporter, and the court’s clerk, you will find yourself coming into contact with more people than just a judge. These folks are not the fact finder in your case but they work directly with the fact finder. Showing respect to these folks would tell me that you are more likely to show respect to the judge. Do not get the mistaken impression that the other people in the courthouse are appropriate outlets for your frustration. Speak calmly and politely to these people and you will be in good shape.
Moving on to stage two of your life post-divorce- Patience is key
If the cause of your divorce was infidelity then you will want to pay special attention to this section. For starters, just because your spouse has cheated on you does not mean that you can go ahead and do the same. This is especially true when you have children. A judge can be very harsh to both you and your spouse if he finds out that there has been infidelity in or around the home when children are present. Even if you think what you are doing is harmless and will not impact your children my advice would be to avoid this behavior at all costs.
Navigating Relationships During Divorce Proceedings
The simple truth is that, even if you emotionally feel like you and your spouse are no longer together and are ready to date other people, the law considers you still married until the judge formally signs your Final Decree of Divorce. This means that throughout the duration of your divorce, you are still legally married. Relationships with anyone but your spouse are therefore by definition extra-marital and not allowed.
You may feel the need to confide in another person due to the stresses that your divorce case has put you under. I understand that completely. However, you have a lot of people in your life that can fulfill this role. A paramour is not one of them. Friends, family, your attorney, your paralegal, your pastor, your waitress, your tailor, your trainer- all of these people are better confidants about your divorce than a significant other.
Avoid Moving a New Partner In During Proceedings
Here’s something that may seem obvious to most of you reading this blog but may not be so apparent to others. By all means, if you are having an affair do not move that person into your home while the divorce lawsuit is still ongoing. Even if your spouse moves out of the house, do not immediately phone your girlfriend and let her know that the coast is clear to pack up her stuff. The coast certainly is not clear, first of all. Second of all- if you have children still living in the home this will create a very awkward and unhealthy living arrangement for the children. Your case will suffer for your having been too eager to move on to the next phase in your life.
Speaking of your kids- your new romantic partner should not cross paths with your children until your divorce is done and over with. That means that you have finalized your case, signed the Final Decree of Divorce and the judge has signed off on it. At that point, it is up to you how you want to handle introductions. Before then, however, it is not a good idea to make formal introductions or to ever have that person in your home with you and the kids.
If you are having an affair tell your attorney
If you’re having an affair, tell your attorney. Assuming that no one knows about it, only to be confronted with evidence on the day of trial or hearing, is the worst thing you can do for your case. While this information won’t help your case, your attorney can take steps to minimize the impact of the evidence. I won’t tell you that admitting the affair isn’t embarrassing or unpleasant, but it’s far better than being surprised with evidence at your hearing.
The divorce is going to be over- don’t get ahead of yourself
I know that it can seem like it is taking forever for your divorce to become final. At the very shortest, your divorce will take two months to complete. With this in mind, the months in between filing the Petition for Divorce and signing the Final Decree of Divorce can seem to take forever. In the meantime, you’re focused on the money spent on your lawyer, the time lost with your family and work, and the possibilities ahead in your post-divorce relationships.
The purpose of the divorce taking at a minimum two months to complete is that the State of Texas wants to make sure that you have actually thought about the consequences of your divorce and are sure that you want to move forward. Many people who enter into a divorce experience changes of heart midway through the process, and you may be surprised to learn just how common this is. Obviously, the State does not want you to get a divorce unless you are sure that is what is best for you and your family. The sixty day waiting period allows you and your spouse to “cool off” and make a decision without having emotions control that decision-making process.
The more disagreeable you (and your spouse) are, the longer your case will take
Disagreements between parties are the main reason divorces get prolonged, leading to wasted time and money. If every issue turns into a battleground, your divorce will be delayed and much more costly. Consider the financial implications: the fees paid to your attorney for prolonged disputes can impact your post-divorce finances. Instead of squabbling over minor details like silverware or pet custody, opting for a reasonable settlement can expedite the process and allow you to move forward with your life.
The bottom line is that in your divorce it is unrealistic to expect that you will be able to get everything that you want. Divorce is not bludgeoning your spouse and vice versa with your words, attorneys or evidence. Certainly, evidence is handy in a divorce to reinforce your case. Your attorney will play a major role in determining the outcome of your case as well. Movies and television have led us to believe that divorces always involve courtroom trials, where personal matters are aired and drama unfolds. After reading our blog for the past week do you still think this is reality?
The truth of the matter is that you will likely settle your case in mediation. This means that negotiation is the name of the game. Prepare to relinquish some desires while also gaining unexpected victories. That is the true nature of divorce- if you walk away feeling like you did ok but could have done better I would tell you that your spouse likely feels the same. Make that your ex-spouse, because at this stage your divorce is finally complete.
Conclusion
Maintaining composure and staying focused in court is essential for a successful divorce. While most cases settle through mediation before reaching the courtroom, there remains a chance you may have to testify. By preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for this possibility, you can ensure that you present yourself clearly and confidently. Taking the time to understand how to behave in court and how to manage stress will not only help you during your hearing but also contribute to a smoother, more successful divorce process overall.
Questions about divorce or any other issue in Texas family law? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have read today’s blog and have questions about its contents please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys are available six days a week to discuss your case and go over any questions that you may have. Consultations are free of charge and can help you a great deal to plan for any circumstances that you and your family are facing.
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Frequently Asked Questions about Testifying in Court
Feeling nervous is natural. Practice deep breathing, focus on your preparation, and remind yourself that you’re there to provide honest information.
Avoid speculation, guessing, or exaggeration. Stick to the facts and answer only what you know.
Review your case, know the facts, and anticipate potential questions. Practice with a friend or attorney, and get familiar with the courtroom environment.
You’ll be sworn in and asked to state your name and other basic information. Listen carefully to the questions and respond clearly and truthfully.
Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or visualization. Focus on your preparation and remind yourself that you’re there to share your perspective.
Avoid interrupting, arguing, or being disrespectful. Address the judge as “Your Honor” and answer questions clearly and courteously.
If you genuinely don’t remember, it’s okay to say so. Don’t guess or make things up. Stick to the truth as you recall it.
No, you’re typically required to answer questions truthfully when testifying. However, if your answer could incriminate you, you can invoke your Fifth Amendment right.
Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Kingwood Divorce Lawyer
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it’s important to speak with a Kingwood, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.
A divorce lawyer in Kingwood TX is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form.
