Undoubtedly, firefighters have a very stressful job. This is true for several reasons. First of all, firefighters work in an exceptionally physically intensive job. For anyone reading this blog post who is not a firefighter, all you need to do is read through some of the requirements to become a professional or volunteer firefighter, and you will be amazed. The physical stamina, strength, and money required of a firefighter are tremendous. This is because saving lives and putting out fires is mentally taxing and physically demanding.
The mentally taxing part of the job of a firefighter should not be diminished. So much of the conversation about firefighting tends to Focus on the physical aspects of the job. This is with good cause. However, I think that overlooking the mental aspects of firefighting, as far as being a stressor in the firefighters' lives, is a significant mistake. Not only do you know that people are relying upon you to help them in mainly saving their lives, but you also have to consider that as a firefighter, these folks understand that every day they go to work is a risk to their lives and their livelihoods. This is to say, firefighters spend a great deal of time preparing for their job and mentally going through a plan to put out fires and save lives.
Suppose you are reading this blog post as a firefighter. In that case, you also know that being a firefighter does not simply mean that you can concern yourselves only with your work period. However, some firefighters are single, unmarried, and do not have children. Many more firefighters like yourself are married and have kids. It is not uncommon for people with careers to also have spouses and children. It is not common for people in professions to have occupations like a firefighter, where they risk their lives daily to better others. These stresses tend to become amplified during certain times of the year when the job becomes more stressful, or around one accident or unforeseen issues arise associated with a rescue.
Who you marry is often as important as the work that you do.
When it comes to managing the stresses of family life and being a firefighter, then you may have come to realize something that I have noticed in my time as an attorney. It is a given that your life as a firefighter will be stressful. The issues we have discussed today are fundamental across the board for firefighters. It is a mentally taxing job, and it is also physically demanding. On top of that, you risk your life when you go into a home or business that is on fire. With that said, what is not a given is how the person you are married to reacts to the work that you perform.
So much of getting married in finding success in that marriage matches the right person for you. Many firefighters began working as firefighters as a second career or after an initial job did not turn out the way they wanted. Or, he was a firefighter who may have begun working in that field due to the ability of the job to give back to your community and serve those around him. If you met your spouse while not a firefighter or simply not adjusted to your life-fighting fires as a full-time job, you might encounter problems in your marriage that your spouse wholly brings about.
Are you able to communicate effectively with your spouse about the problems in your marriage? For instance, if the two of you are having trouble agreeing upon a budget for your family or even whether or not you should continue to work as a firefighter, are you able to talk through those problems, or did they fester under the surface because neither of you has put forth the time or effort to discuss them? It would help if you pursued these subjects in your time away from distractions such as your phone or the television. There is no substitute for effective communication in a marriage. While many people want to imagine how they can solve problems in their marriage, sometimes the most straightforward method is the best. Communicating with your spouse does not cost anything but time, but the overall benefit to the two of you can be Immeasurable.
Communication with your spouse is critical.
When presented with problems in their marriage, some people assume that there has to be a fancy or intricate response that is required. This is a little like finding a problem with your vehicle and thinking you need a new transmission and engine. However, the reason your car won't start is much more likely to be that you need a new battery than you need a new machine. Jumping to the conclusion that the problems in your marriage require the most costly or timely intervention is not necessarily something that will serve you well. Instead, sometimes there are much more cost-effective and final effective methods addressing problems in your marriage. However, that's not to say that these methods require some effort on your part in that of your spouse.
Many times people in your position do not want to commit the time necessary to communicate about their problems in the marriage. This could be for any number of reasons. The first is that speaking about issues in your marriage can cause you to feel horrible. It could be that you, as a firefighter, are hesitant to feel this way, given that your day job causes you to feel a great deal of vulnerability. No matter how big, strong, smart, or tough you are, a certain degree of exposure comes with working as a firefighter. It is simply inescapable. It would be a normal human reaction did not want to feel this way when you come home. There is something about talking through the failures or problems that makes anyone feel vulnerable. To shy away from this makes complete sense to me.
Next, talking through the problems in your marriage also requires a fair bit of mental exertion. Firefighting is not merely a physical job. There is a great deal of mental stress and mental hardship to fight fires. If you spend all day planning and working through potential issues when it comes to fighting fires, the last thing you may want to do in your personal life is devote time to working through problems in your marriage that can be tricky or complicated. The longer you let an issue fester, the more complex and cumbersome it becomes to solve. As a result, it can be mentally taxing to work through many problems you encounter in your marriage. If this sounds like you, you should identify this characteristic and do your best to overcome the obstacles that are present as far as helping your wedding.
Next, we need to consider the possible reality that you may lack the necessary skills to work through the problems in your marriage through communication. It takes a certain skill level to effectively communicate with another person about a situation that you are experiencing in your relationship. When that other person is your spouse, and there is a great deal of emotional baggage associated with the nation ship, you have a potentially tricky combination sort through. As a result, you may find that, while you desire to save the marriage for communication, you do not possess the emotional will or communicative scale to do so. It may be worth your while to state this to your spouse but reassure them that you would like to see if you can talk through the issues in your marriage. At least this way, you can address the elephant in the room and then create a solution.
That solution may be seeking counseling or therapy through a marriage or family therapist or even your pastor or priest. There are many resources available these days that are cost and time-effective. You may be able to find that your health insurance provider pays for therapy or that you even have treatment available to you online or through your employer. Whatever you decide to do, you should pursue the available options to you and hold yourself accountable. I've noticed that people in your position may talk a good game about attending therapy or counseling, but the follow-through can be easier said than done. Rather than falling into this place, I would recommend that you set some firm for yourself and timelines to accomplish something in your mind that is tangible.
For example, if you want to discuss a particular subject like money with your spouse, you should determine a date and then work to make sure that you have had conversations about that subject by the date of your layout. This may be too rigid for some people, but if you set a goal for yourself that is written down and specific, you will have a better chance of achieving that goal. This is true rather than going through this reconciliation process with only a general understanding of what a plan might be that you want to achieve. The more you and your spouse wander about without having specific goals in mind, the more likely it is that you will have wasted your time and not have done much of anything tangible to save your marriage.
Firefighters and divorce
The idea that firefighters are more prone to getting divorced than other people is not new. Almost without a doubt, you, as a firefighter, I'm sure have heard people in your field talk about this perception or rumor. The first place we go to confirm rumors these days is the Internet. If you cycle away from this blog, you will indeed find many other blog posts, Internet articles, and other message board entries about how divorce among firefighters is more common than in other fields. Looking at this and already feeling the stress of problems in your marriage can be enough for even the bravest person to wilt. While you do not want to get a divorce necessarily, you may feel like there is little you can do to escape that. Another way to look at it is to be drawn into an unavoidable process. We need to figure out whether or not it is inevitable or even if firefighters get divorced more often than other people.
Like with anything else that you read on the Internet, you should take reports of the likelihood of your divorce as a firefighter with a particular grain of salt. These blog posts and message board entries do not account for you and your spouse as individuals. The simple truth is that the two of you are unique people in your life; marriage and divorce circumstances are impressive until you. However, you should also not completely disregard the possibility of a divorce. You should consider what you can do to mitigate events in your marriage that are troubling when it comes to the subject of a divorce.
Like anything in the law? The question of whether or not you and your spouse are more likely to get divorced because you are a firefighter depends on several factors. Internet research suggests that a little bit more than the general public, male firefighters are more likely to get divorced. Bear in mind, however, that the marriage rate among male firefighters is higher than the marriage rate among males in general. What may also be interesting to find out is whether or not, even if the divorce rate among male firefighters is higher than the general public, would be to see if male firefighters are more likely to remain in their first marriage.
This reality may be enough to counteract some of the stresses and anxieties you may be experiencing regarding your marriage. The idea that you may get divorced more frequently is troubling, but there is also a silver lining in that you may be statistically more likely to remain in a first marriage, as well. Here is something that I think does merit some consideration. Although male firefighters do not seem to have a divorce rate much higher than the general population, female firefighters have a divorce rate that is considerably higher than the general population. We can speculate as to the reasons why this may be and probably come to some pretty decent hypotheses.
For instance, female firefighters have the added burden of being mothers while they are firefighters. This is an exciting consideration to make, given that mothers more frequently attend to matters related to children, the home, and the combination of the two. If you accept this to be accurate, then there is a disconnect between the divorce rates of men and women when it comes to fighting fires. Being a firefighter requires a great deal of time and emotional commitment. When it comes to operating a household, traditionally, women typically use the family daily more than men. Suppose you are a woman and spend a great deal of time working as a firefighter, which leaves less time for your home life. This may partly explain the increased rate of divorce compared to the general public among female firefighters.
If you are beginning the journey to becoming a firefighter and are married, then some factors will undoubtedly impact your marriage associated with working as a firefighter. The first is the schedule that you will be taking on as a firefighter is challenging. Maintaining an everyday home life can be challenging when working shifts that are sometimes as long as 24 or 48 hours. Suppose you already have children and are thinking of becoming a firefighter. In that case, you need to think about the challenges of the job associated with raising kids and working as a firefighter.
We've already discussed the stress and traumatic nature of working as a firefighter. Seeing things at work, such as the loss of life or near loss of life, can cause you to bring that work home and be stressful for you on top of this choice you've already encountered at work. These are the sort of considerations that you need to make when it comes to determining whether or not being a firefighter is right for you.
Questions about the material contained in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today's blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about as well as about how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.