There are so many considerations to make in regard to a divorce that it is easy to lose sight of what you are actually attempting to do when you begin on the journey. Take the dispassionate view that a divorce is just a long, bad car ride that you strap yourself in for and close your eyes until the end will probably not do you much good. Neither then, will constant and hyper-vigilance to every email, phone call or perceived slight by your soon to be ex spouse.
I’m here to tell you that he or she is not aiming to ruin your life.
Still, it is important to think about what you actually are attempting to accomplish in your divorce. I’m talking about goals. Whether or not you have set any for yourself now is a great time to take a set up some goals for yourself in the context of your divorce.
You may be saying to yourself, “I’ve never gone through a divorce before so how can I set any goals?” That is a realistic concern and only adds to my suggestion from our previous blog post that you should consider hiring a divorce attorney to help with your divorce.
Goal setting: Understanding your personal motivations
While there are exceptions to this next statement, most people entering into a divorce would like to leave the divorce with as much of their property as they came into it with. You may be in the same boat and it is likely that you are. Your spouse, not surprisingly, has the same goal in mind most likely. And you thought there was nothing that you could agree on!
The reasons why you would like to achieve this goal in particular are not as simple and clean cut as you may imagine. The motivation for actually wanting “stuff” may be different for you versus any other person who has also gone through a divorce. People have internal motivations that may have little to do with their spouse.
For instance, you may be motivated in your divorce by feelings like you did something wrong and that this divorce was brought about primarily by your actions or inactions. If this is the way that you feel then you may irrationally make decisions that concede facts, arguments or money to your spouse as a means of righting previous wrongs.
I have seen some clients who feel like their actions in the past are so bad that he or she preferred to settle their case early rather than have any of their bad actions see the light of day inside a courtroom.
A related feeling that you may also be experiencing is that you owe your soon to be ex spouse something. It is normal to cling to the memories of your relationship as it begins to wind down. After all, humans are creatures of habit whether we like to acknowledge that or not.
A divorce is a major change in pace and lifestyle for a husband and wife. You may feel like your years of marriage to the opposing party in your divorce means that you should “take it easy” on them in some regard.
What is the real value of a piece of property?
One of the most difficult aspects of evaluating the value of something that you own is setting aside your own personal opinions and history with the item and viewing it through the eyes of an impartial and neutral observer. In a nutshell, this is the difficulty of your divorce case as a whole. If you can master this skill, as hard as it is to learn, you will be able to make it through your divorce with more of your sanity intact.
A lot of times we understand the intrinsic value of something but we act in a way that runs counter to that knowledge. I can illustrate this point through a story. A past client was going through a divorce where her husband had about six rings that he had requested back from our client.
The rings were not made of any precious metal and did not have a diamond anywhere near it. These were “inexpensive” rings that could have been purchased at a flea market or pulled out of a machine at an arcade by a mechanical hand.
With all that said, the opposing party asked our client for those rings back. Her response to that request was not to immediately give possession of the rings back to her husband. Her immediate response was basically to tell him to go fly a kite.
She fully understood that the rings were worth nothing to anyone but her husband and was still unwilling to part with the rings, at least early on. Eventually, she and I were able to speak and I spoke to her about what she stands to gain vs. what she stands to lose in the divorce.
While her goal may have been to make her husband’s life difficult, she had bigger goals in terms of keeping her retirement accounts as her separate property and other bigger picture goals. It took her some time but she came to understand that if she kept her mind on her big picture goals, the small requests of her spouse were not as significant.
Emotions change, but your final orders do not
As far as goals are concerned, the emotions behind those goals will likely change a great deal for you but the actual goals themselves will not. The items that you want included in your final orders will stick around a lot longer than your particular motivation to do a certain action in your divorce.
If you work on your goals early on in your divorce it will help you to keep your eyes on the prize and to not be distracted by tangential issues or emotions.
Questions on goal setting in the context of your divorce? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
Goal setting is important insofar as you need to be able to strive for something in your divorce. Drifting aimlessly through something as important as a divorce can mean the difference between a good and a bad outcome. If you have further questions on this topic or any other in family law please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. A free of charge consultation is only a phone call away.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
Other Articles you may be interested in:
- Divorce when economic times are tough
- How to achieve a successful divorce from a financial perspective, Part Three
- How to achieve a successful divorce from a financial perspective
- How a mortgage is handled in a Texas Divorce
- Should I Hide Money from my Spouse to Get Ready for my Texas Divorce?
- Why is Separate Property Important and How to Keep it Separate in a Texas Divorce?
- What Wikipedia Can’t Tell you About Texas Divorce and Marital Property Division
- Texas Divorce Property Division Enforcement
- Separate Property in a Texas Divorce?
- Does it Matter Whose Name is on Title or Deed of Property in a Divorce in Texas?
- Is Social Security Considered Separate Property in a Texas Divorce
- Business Owners and Business Assets in a Texas Divorce
- What to do when your divorce decree does not include a marital asset?
Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding Divorce, it's important to speak with one of our Houston, TX Child Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
Our Divorce lawyers in Spring TX are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles Divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.