Going through a Midlife crisis and divorce is an often talked about subject in our culture. We hear about it from the context of a person who is trying to find new employment, a new perspective, and sometimes even a new spouse. The difficult part about midlife crises is that there is only so much a person can do to avoid looking in the mirror and dealing with some unfortunate or less-than-desirable realities about their life. What a midlife crisis ends up looking like is a situation where you come face to face with a turning point where you are given some options when it comes to changing the course of your life. These changes may be influenced by your work or the direction of a family law case. No matter what, you can be sure that the decisions you make about these changes will influence your family a tremendous amount.
A midlife crisis does not have to occur at any time around the middle point of your life. This means that any of us can encounter A midlife crisis no matter if we are in our 40s, 30s, or 50s. There is ample opportunity for us to evaluate the trajectory of our lives and two determine what direction we should go in. For those of us who are married that usually means considering the state of our marriage and whether that marriage has a bright or bleak future. Being able to honestly consider this question means that we are hopefully well in tune with our spouse and the state of our relationship. The question that you need to ask yourself is how a divorce will improve the quality of your life and that of your family.
Divorce is no quick fix
When you consider a divorce, it needs to be said that it is not an overnight process whatsoever. The fact is that we live in a microwave society. We expect everything to be done quickly. We want our food fast we want to purchase homes with relatively little down and we have no problem putting our bills on credit cards. When it comes to our health the entire health care industry it seems is based on taking a pill versus improving our metabolic health. This means that long-term solutions are put to the side in favor of short-term solutions that may not be as long-lasting or beneficial.
So, if you are considering a divorce as a possible outlet for your midlife crisis then you need to be sure that this is the best decision for your family. It is not a quick fix or something that will begin to yield results for you in a short fashion. Rather, a divorce is something that takes a relatively long period to sort through and has many difficulties as a part of the process along the way. Therefore, if you’re the type of person who craves immediate results then your divorce will probably not meet those expectations.
A line from a TV show that I found to be incredibly true goes something like this: happiness is the moment before you want more happiness. In other words, at the moment that we believe we have finally achieved happiness or contentment, we are only moments away from desiring more happiness or more contentment. Happiness is in short supply, but it is also something that we have a never-ending desire for. Just when you think you have found happiness or are content in doing something you will find that the little voice inside your head begins calling for more happiness or a different set of circumstances. All in all, that midlife crisis may just be another instance of you believing the grass is greener or that you need a change of scenery to be happy. The more in tune you are with your family, your spouse, and your circumstances the more you can trust yourself that the quest for divorce is rooted in good cause.
The risk that you run in filing for divorce as part of a midlife crisis is that by filing for divorce you have set yourself up for a long difficult journey that may not yield the results that you wanted. True, the results of your case may be that you and your spouse are no longer married. However, what you may find at the end of your divorce is not contentment because of no longer being married. He may arrive at even more questions that you do not have answers to.
An analogy that I like to use when it comes to people who are unsure of divorce and are searching for answers generally in their lives is that we can look at the force like a person who always seeks to travel when facing difficult life circumstances. We all know, or maybe we are that person, who has an insatiable wanderlust. This means that a person has a never-ending desire to travel to new places and experience new things. It could be that many people who have this wanderlust simply have a desire to escape their reality and physically find themselves someplace new. Whether or not this describes you it’s up for you to determine. However, at the end of the day, the person who loves to travel will always find that the cause of and solution to all their problems was with them the entire trip. No matter what corner of the globe you escape to the one thing that you cannot escape is yourself.
By the same token, when you are filing for divorce because of a midlife crisis you can physically and relationally separate yourself from your spouse, but you cannot separate yourself from your past or the decisions that you have made. Rather than filing for divorce as a reaction to
If some fear or other concern of yours why not talk to your spouse to determine whether he or she can help you alleviate your concerns and become happier within your family unit? It could be that you do need a divorce for whatever reason. In that case, the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are here to assist you. However, it may also be that you do not need a divorce but rather need to reevaluate your circumstances and determine how to make your marriage work better so that you and your spouse can help each other build on prior successes and overcome whatever difficulties you may have encountered in your lives.
How a divorce can help solve the midlife crisis
On the other hand, a divorce may be the answer to the midlife crisis that you are going through. There are certainly legitimate reasons why you may want to get divorced. Whereas many people in our world that are married, there are legitimate reasons for divorce. With that said, you should consider the reasons why you want to divorce and then determine whether the divorce is the only way to accomplish what you believe that you need to accomplish. Also, please bear in mind that there are competing interests in your life beyond your desire for happiness or contentment. Certainly, the lives of your children under the age of 18 are going to be impacted by this divorce. You should think long and hard about whether the divorce accomplishes what you believe is necessary for you to find contentment in your life and whether or not being true is still a worthy goal despite the challenges that will be coming alongside it when it comes to your children.
You may hear from different attorneys or legal advisers that children are resilient or that children can bounce back quickly from a divorce. While that may be true for your family it just as easily may not be true. You need to consider you were specific circumstances and the needs of your child when determining whether a divorce is something that your family can handle, quite frankly. Many children struggle a great deal when it comes to changes in their routine or with handling the challenges of family dynamics that may be different from time to time. Whether or not this reality changes your willingness to get divorced is up to you. With that said, it is certainly a topic that you should at least consider as you determine your next steps.
As we mentioned a moment ago, you and your spouse may have legitimate problems in your marriage. Sometimes a divorce can assist a family who’s having legitimate issues in the marriage when those problems cannot be solved through dialogue or counseling. Many times, the problems in a marriage can be sorted through when you and your spouse engage in counseling or simply try to manage various expectations. We can all get so wrapped up in our daily lives that we forget that our spouse may have similar concerns about an issue as we do. When we work through those concerns together with our spouses we are sometimes reminded of the reasons why we got married in the first place. In other situations, we can be reminded of how there are legitimate problems in the marriage, and then a divorce may be the next logical step for us to take.
What you can do to determine where you are in this type of analysis is to make an effort to talk to your spouse before you decide on the divorce. For those of you who are convinced that a divorce is necessary then you should think critically about the process and look into what the divorce will do for your family. In the short term, there is not much that a divorce will accomplish that is positive. Exceptions to this would be if you are in an abusive situation and a divorce can set up a protective or temporary order that bars your spouse from being able to enter your home. Otherwise, there are aspects to a divorce that will not immediately yield anything resembling happiness or contentment for you.
A divorce almost certainly means that you will be taking time away from your family to spend more time on the divorce case itself. The same is true for your work and social life. Filing for divorce does not give you free rein to go and start dating, either. From our experiences representing a wide variety of people in very different situations, our attorneys can tell you that a common reason why people begin the divorce process is that in their minds it is then OK for them to start dating another person.
While people do date during divorce we cannot tell you that this is a good idea. It can be harmful to your case, your children, and your finances, and can be harmful to you personally. It is not a great idea to try dating during your divorce. There are very good reasons why you should consider not dating at least until your divorce is finalized. A finalized divorce is one where a judge has signed the final decree of divorce. Until then you are not divorced and it is advisable for you to not start dating quite yet.
When you find yourself in a marriage where you and your spouse are unable to communicate with one another and your children are suffering as a result then filing for divorce may make sense. An important point to raise at this stage is that just because you are filing for divorce does not mean that your relationship with your spouse will come to an end. This is especially true if you both have minor children together. In that case, the two of you are going to need to continue to work together or even begin to work together for the first time when it comes to raising your children. Living in separate households will only add to the challenges surrounding this scenario.
Final thoughts on divorce and midlife crises
Nobody at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan knows exactly what you and your family are going through at this very moment. Today’s blog post has been an attempt to apply general information to the specific circumstances of your life. However, we have no way of knowing exactly what you are going through. While a divorce should not necessarily be your first option to choose from when going through a crisis in your life it may end up being the option that works best for your family.
For those of you who are seriously considering a divorce currently, you are right to give the subject some serious consideration but to also be prudent about whether or not it is actually in your best interest to move forward with a divorce case. Many times what you think can be solved by a divorce is not made any easier by filing a case. Rather, what ends up happening in many circumstances is that the divorce only adds to the crisis that you are experiencing and can make your life more stressful and less full of peace.
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are in a unique position where we can help you see through the difficult circumstances of your life and make a fair determination about how a divorce can stand to improve the quality of your life overall. We do not approach a consultation with a prospective client from the perspective of needing to sell anyone on the divorce process being in a person’s best interests. We do not know how to give advice or information until we learn more about your specific circumstances.
To do that, we recommend that you reach out to our office today. We can quickly arrange for a free-of-charge consultation with one of our experienced family law attorneys. These consultations will allow you to give us feedback and information that can help guide you better when it comes to figuring out the next best step for you to take. It is not a foregone conclusion that just because you are experiencing difficulties in your marriage you will need to get a divorce. Again, the answer to everyone’s problem is not to run out and get a divorce as quickly as possible.
However, until you reach out to our office and speak to one of our attorneys about your situation you will never know our opinion on how to move forward, if at all, towards a divorce. We thank you for spending time with us today on our blog and hope that you will join us again soon. We post unique and interesting content about the world of Texas family law every day here on our blog.
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