Divorcing with minor children means putting them at the top of your priority list. This has always been the case for you as a parent. However, circumstances tend to become more complicated and confusing in a divorce. There are so many competing interests going on simultaneously. Additionally, there is no telling just what will happen during the case to divert your attention. There are a handful of notable actions parents can take which tend to improve the lives of children.
One of those actions is to implement a right of first refusal within your final decree of divorce. Simply put, the right of first refusal allows parents greater autonomy over how and when they can see their children. Instead of needing to defer your possession periods to another person, you can ask your co-parent if he or she can take possession of your child. In a way, this is co-parenting at its best.
In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, we are going to share information on the right of first refusal. This is a rarely mentioned yet crucial part of many divorce decrees. To better understand the opportunities and challenges that come with they wrote a first refusal stick around for today’s blog post.
What is the right of first refusal?
Simply put, the right of first refusal requires a parent to offer their possession period to another parent when the first parent is unable to fulfill their duties. The situation plays out like this. Consider when you have a weekend possession period with your child coming up. This is usually something that has you extremely excited. However, on the day your possession period is set to begin, you receive a call that your father is sick in the hospital. As a result, you decide that you need to fly to your hometown to be with him.
When you make this decision, the next step is to contact your ex-wife. When you contact her the first thing you mentioned is that your father is ill and that you need to go home. This triggers the right of first refusal. Because your final decree of divorce requires you to offer your co-parent your weekend this fosters greater trust and unity between the two of you. Fortunately, your ex-wife can take the kids for your weekend.
This situation stands in opposition to what you otherwise might do. Which would be to offer your mother (your children’s grandmother) the opportunity to spend time with the children that weekend. The right of first refusal puts you and your co-parent in a position where working together becomes essential. This is both a feature and a bug of the arrangement. A right of first refusal may work well for families who cooperate on parenting issues. On the other hand, it may work poorly for those families where co-parenting is more difficult.
The purpose of the right of first refusal
Including a right of first refusal in your divorce decree allows for parents to work together more readily on shared parenting goals. Co-parenting is a concept that is talked about a great deal during a family law case. Having cohesion and like-mindedness on parenting goals sounds good on paper. However, in practice, it is often difficult for co-parents to work together. This is especially true after a difficult divorce. Families find it hard to set aside their differences and focus on the best interests of their children.
What the right of first refusal does is put parents in a position where they must work together on co-parenting topics. Instead of deferring your possession time to a relative when you are not able to exercise it, you need to coordinate first with your co-parent. This means picking up the phone and calling your co-parent. It can be argued that any measure that forces better communication is positive for families after a divorce. However, that does not mean that co-parenting in a divorce scenario will not continue to be difficult.
However, the reality of a family’s life is never as simple as a court order makes it out to be. The circumstances of your work, child racing, and life overall tend to be more complicated than you envision during a divorce. A right of first refusal allows you and your co-parent to acknowledge these realities. Certainly, a right of first refusal positions your family to better share custody imposition of the children. Working on your communication skills helps in this endeavor. Additionally, determining early in the negotiation process whether a right of first refusal should be included also is important.
Should you include a right of first refusal in your divorce orders?
One of the most important stages of a divorce is the negotiation process towards the end of your case. Negotiation is an often overlooked yet critical component of a divorce case. Many families assume that going to court is the only way to resolve a divorce. This is not true. Texas family courts encourage meaningful negotiation throughout the divorce process. This allows for better outcomes that are geared towards the strengths of your family.
Understanding your goals in a family law scenario is what matters most. The better focused you are on your goals, the more effective a negotiator you are. Consider that trying to negotiate a divorce without set goals is a lot like trying to get out of the woods without a compass. You can spend all your time wandering around without ever making any progress. Being in a divorce without having set goals makes a difficult circumstance even more challenging. It is better to think through your circumstances to identify what goals are most meaningful to you.
This is how you can determine whether to include a right of first refusal in your court orders. There are reasons why a family may not want to include the right of first refusal in their final decree of divorce. Ultimately, court orders need to be followed once you agree to them. Otherwise, the work spent negotiating during a divorce will not have served any purpose. Additionally, your child needs to be able to expect consistency and stability in their life. As a result, thinking ahead and deciding about a right of first refusal is best during the negotiation process.
Consider your specific circumstances when negotiating a right of first refusal
Many of you reading this blog post have work or life circumstances that create uncertainty in your schedule. For example, let’s say that you are a first responder who frequently is called in to work shifts with little notice. Your work schedule does not call for you to be available on a Friday night. However, you receive a call that morning asking you to come to work on a Friday evening. This conflicts with your normally scheduled pickup time for your son. What can you do in a situation like this?
A right of first refusal would seemingly come in handy when you have an irregular work schedule. It is especially helpful when your co-parent works a job that has very consistent hours. The two of you can work together to coordinate visitation periods. From there, creating opportunities for the parent who has an irregular work schedule to make up time with the kids is also important.
Giving the other person notice is another aspect of the right of first refusal. You and your spouse would need to negotiate during the divorce an appropriate amount of time for notice. This means not calling your ex-spouse five minutes before your work shift begins to tell her that you are dropping off the kids. Rather, there needs to be some sort of boundary when it comes to exercising the right of first refusal. Not adhering to reasonable boundaries and giving the other person minimal notice weakens the co-parenting relationship.
Possession schedules for busy families
Another factor in this discussion is the importance of considering the right kind of possession schedule for your family. What makes Texas family law cases so difficult is that what works for one family likely will not work for yours. All of us have unique circumstances that need to be considered. Your work schedule may not allow you to have a standard possession order. This is the typical possession schedule exercised by many families. It includes alternating weekend possession as well as a weekday evening meal. Courts tend to order the standard possession order in the event families cannot agree on an alternative.
If you know in advance that your work commitments do not allow for a standard possession order and certainly do not agree to one. It may be easy to agree to a standard possession order during your divorce. However, you will suffer the consequences for having negotiated poorly in the period after your divorce. Being unable to exercise possession regularly puts you in a position where you are technically in violation of your court orders. This is the position that you do not want to be in.
Working with an experienced Texas family law attorney helps in avoiding circumstances like this. For all the time, money, and effort that goes into a divorce, you do not want to end up in a situation where your court orders do not match your reality. Rather, when negotiating a divorce you need to have a wide perspective. Taking into consideration the needs of your family should be your primary goal. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan know how to maximize the time and energy you have in a divorce. Our experience allows you to gain a better understanding of the consequences of certain provisions contained in a divorce decree.
Modifying possession orders after a divorce
Sometimes after a divorce, the court order is negotiated by you and your spouse does not work out. This can occur for a seemingly never-ending list of reasons. For families, change is the only constant. Children grow up. People get different jobs. People, unfortunately, get sick. There are a few different circumstances as to why your court orders may not continue to work well for your family. With that in mind, a modification of your court orders may become necessary to pursue.
Modifying child custody orders should not be assumed as something that can certainly happen. Yes, modifications are illegal and do occur. However, there is a bar set high when it comes to child custody modifications. Specifically, the requested modification must be in the best interest of your child. This means that the modification cannot be sought primarily to suit you or your needs. Next, the modification needs to be based on a material or substantial change in circumstances. This means a major change in your life or that of your child.
Modifying a court order is no small task. Courts are generally hesitant to grant modifications unless the circumstances require the change. This is because courts prefer children to have stability and consistency in their lives. Changing court orders regularly does little to promote those goals. As a result, if you are seeking a child custody modification it is wise to consult with an experienced family law attorney.
How to establish good communication with your co-parent
Ultimately, whether your court orders contain a right of first refusal or not, it is necessary to communicate well with your co-parent. Many families struggle with the realities of co-parenting. It would be easier to not have to communicate with your ex-spouse in some situations. However, the reality is that your child does better when there are established norms in the household for communication.
Imagine a situation where you are being treated for a medical condition by a team of doctors. Wouldn’t you agree that when the doctors communicate you have a better chance of finding health? The doctors would discuss the different treatment regimens, circumstances involving your condition, and other factors. The more communication the better. The same theory applies when it comes to raising a child. Living in a separate household from your ex-spouse means that the two of you do not have the same knowledge base when it comes to your children. You may not see things that your co-parent is experiencing and vice versa.
Take the time to try and develop a meaningful co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse. This is not a fun activity nor is it one that will likely come easy. Additionally, you may need to be the person who takes it upon yourself to try and develop better communication skills. However, your child benefits the most from these attempts. The more intentional you can be when it comes to these subjects the better off Your child is. Trying to raise a child by herself is no picnic, either.
Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan about the right of first refusal
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan understand that you have a lot on your plate. Not only are you going through a difficult family law circumstance but you also have work, family, and other obligations to attend to. What many people do not share during a family law case is that the rest of your life does not come to a screeching halt because you have filed or been served with a divorce petition. The rest of your life proceeds as normal. It can even seem like your life picks up speed at various points.
As a result, being able to maximize your time within a family law case means a great deal. Trying to negotiate a divorce settlement on your own is not ideal. Having the assistance and advocacy skills of an attorney improves your chances of creating the best possible child custody order for your child. You know the needs of your family better than anyone. As a result, understanding how to take concrete goals and put them onto paper is the most important part of your divorce case. Everything else is just window dressing.
When it comes to finding the most benefit possible from a family law case the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan know what it takes. We offer exceptional service that is client-centric. The attorneys with our office strive to advocate for our clients in the courtroom and at the negotiating table. The level of experience we bring to your case is unmatched. The team of attorneys at our office is completely focused on the needs of our clients and their families.
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Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
