There are two parts to an attorney’s official job title. The first is the more well-known portion: “Attorney”, The second, lesser known portion is “Counselor at law”.
To be a successful attorney a person must have a thorough understanding of the law, be effective in the courtroom and have a knack for being a problem solver on behalf of their clients.
The skills that you learn in law school and the courtroom do not necessarily help you to become an effective communicator and ally of your client. A challenge that family law attorneys face comes into play when a divorce is wrapping up and there are unresolved issues of anger and resentment felt by the opposing party towards your client.
Learning how to regulate emotions is an important part of being an adult, but even adults can struggle with their personal feelings when they are going through a divorce. Not only are you eliminating the most important relationship in your life but you are throwing the equilibrium of your house off to a great extent.
It makes sense to feel uneasy, and it makes sense to feel like a part of you is going away forever. If your spouse has done something to harm your children or harm you directly it makes further sense to feel betrayed and direct feelings of anger towards your soon to be ex-spouse.
It is the experience of the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan that when an opposing party experiences anger towards a client of ours it is the children of the marriage that take that anger to heart more so than anyone else.
Obviously just because you are divorcing your spouse it doesn’t mean that your interactions with that person will cease the day that your divorce decree is signed by a judge. The most important aspect of your former marriage, raising your child, is still in place even if your marriage no longer is.
Warning Signs to Identify and Mitigate During the Divorce Process
If you notice your spouse engaging in even more frequent arguments with you that leads to attempts at intimidation of any kind as well as attempts to alienate your children from you, these may be signs of a soon to be ex-spouse with anger issues.
How can you address these concerns with your spouse during the time period that you are seeking to divorce them?
I have seen clients with health insurance encourage their spouse to take advantage of family therapy sessions with medical providers that are on their insurance plan. If this means offering to pay any out of pocket expenses yourself I would recommend this as well.
I realize that not every family law attorney would agree with this course of action but in my opinion, this is a show of good will that can pay dividends not only for you but for your children.
Getting a head start on allowing your spouse an opportunity to express their feelings in a productive fashion will most likely lead to an easier time beginning the co-parenting process. It may also lead to your spouse being more agreeable during the negotiation process which can save time, money and stress for both of you.
Co-parenting with an ex-spouse after your divorce
It is best for the children of your marriage to continue to have a relationship with both parents. It has been shown in study after study that children who are able to engage with both of their parents on a frequent basis do better in school and are generally speaking better adjusted to living in society.
Your child probably doesn’t know why you and your spouse got divorced and frankly they probably don’t care. All they know is that mom and dad don’t live together anymore and he or she doesn’t get to see you or their other parent as much as they would like.
When you can co-parent that means having a shared goal with your former spouse. Shared goals create reason for speaking to each other and communication is never a bad thing. You will most likely be amazed at how easy it is to work with your ex-spouse when you both share the goal of raising a healthy and happy child.
The biggest piece of advice on how to create this positive atmosphere for co-parenting is to create a routine for the child to take advantage of their time with each parent.
Whether you are going off of your visitation schedule that is listed in your final decree of divorce or you and your ex-spouse are working on a “self-made” schedule, the end result should be your child knowing when and where he or she will get to see their mom or dad.
You should work with your ex-spouse on making sure that bedtimes, meal time and nap time are the same at either home. This way, the child gets the impression that the expectations at either home are exactly the same.
Another way to minimize the change in circumstances for the child is for both parents to do their best to not exacerbate differences in income. If you earn a great income that is terrific, but attempting to buy your way into the heart of your child is not only ineffective but can alienate your ex-spouse to the point where co-parenting isn’t possible.
I understand it’s unrealistic to check in with the ex-spouse when it comes to making purchases but keeping expenditures on the child to a reasonable level is healthy nonetheless.
Questions about your divorce and post-divorce life? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you find yourself in a situation where you believe is divorce is necessary for you and your spouse please do not hesitate to contact the divorce attorneys of the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Problem solving with an experienced family law attorney may be the difference between a relatively stress-free divorce and a divorce that makes a bad situation even worse.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
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Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Kingwood Divorce Lawyer
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding divorce, it's important to speak with ar Kingwood, TX Divorce Lawyer right away to protect your rights.
A divorce lawyer in Kingwood TX is skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and developing a strategy to meet those goals. Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles Divorce cases in Spring, Texas, Cypress, Spring, Klein, Humble, Kingwood, Tomball, The Woodlands, Houston, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including Harris County, Montgomery County, Liberty County, Chambers County, Galveston County, Brazoria County, Fort Bend County and Waller County.