Marriage is difficult enough as it is without the added problems associated with the coronavirus pandemic. The pandemic is a problematic factor to assist because of two reasons. The first is the apparent health difficulties that this virus poses to all people, particularly some groups of people. The other problem is associated with the social, economic, and other ramifications created by the virus in our lives. This is due not only to two conditions directly related to the virus but also to the government’s response to the pandemic and the economic slowdowns and shutdowns.
Many of you reading this blog post had marriages that were weather in trouble earlier this year or were headed towards that direction. The problems you were experiencing in your marriage may have been related to several different subjects that have only become exacerbated due to the pandemic. As we move towards the 9th month of the pandemic in the United States, we understand that the government or other people cannot solve the problems we have in our lives. We need to take charge of our lives and better our situations no matter what happens around us.
The truth of the matter is that we can blame a lot of the difficulties in our life on the pandemic on the virus, but at some point, this pandemic will come to an end. At that point, we will have our same lives to look at the need, to be honest about what steps we took to benefit ourselves and our families. This is true even if those steps needed to have been taken when it was not easy. Nobody will argue that the times we’re living in right now are not the easiest. Still, it does offer a great deal of opportunity for our families to grow together and strengthen relationships that may have been in trouble.
Relationships 10 to improve or get worse over time and not remain the same
the thing about relationships is that they do not stagnate over time. Relationships either improve or get worse over long periods. It can feel like our relationships are stuck in mud or are not changing one way or the other, but the reality is that your marriage, just like any other relationship, is they’re getting better or getting worse. It is not fair to you or your spouse to assume that your marriage will improve when you are not taking concrete steps. It is reasonable to expect your wedding to worsen during this time or any other if you are not taking any steps to improve it.
When you put it that way, that your marriage is either improving or getting worse at all times, then a little bit more pressure exists to make the most of this time that you have with your spouse. These genuinely are extraordinary times, no matter how trite that may sound after months of hearing it on the news, in television commercials, and everywhere else. What you can do during this time to improve your marriage is up to you in the circumstances you find yourself in. However, just about 100% of us can do something to improve the quality of her marriage during this pandemic.
What you can personally do to improve your marriage during this time should be at the top of your list of goals. All of us are concerned about our health and the health of our children during this pandemic. I’m not telling you to ignore concerns about anyone’s health or to put anyone’s health at risk. However, by this time, we all know what the recommendations are from the government as far as how to keep one another safe. Those guidelines may change around the edge somewhat over time, but for the most part, we know how to support one another safely. I’m willing to bet that very little will change in this regard from now until the time the pandemic ends.
With that said, we cannot use the excuse of the pandemic to prevent us from taking steps to improve our marriages. If you are ill or if your spouse is sick, then you should follow your doctor’s recommendations in that regard. However, for the rest of us, there is little risk to our health or anyone else is to take steps towards ensuring that your marriage survives this pandemic. Going over the top with fear, anxiety, and everything in between in response to the virus is foolish, especially when you consider fundamental and straightforward things you can do to prevent illness associated with this virus.
The excuses that a person can come up with regarding why they have not to work to improve their marriage during this pandemic can be quite long. While those excuses may be valid in some regard, my overall impression is that we need to focus on things we have direct control over instead of focusing our attention 100% on things we have no control over. I think you have a lot more control over the path of your marriage than you do in the direction of a virus.
This means that you can and should engage in direct communication about your marriage with your spouse. This does not necessarily mean that you should be airing your grievances with them on an ongoing basis, but it does tell that you should share your concerns and how you view your marriage. You may be surprised to learn that your spouse views the circumstances of your marriage quite differently. As it stands, many people who have concerns about their marriages are letting this opportunity passed them by 2 to create more open lines of communication. Truthfully, I can think of no better circumstance than right now to start to build those lines.
Keep in mind that once we are more accessible to move about and have fewer concerns about this virus, our lives will begin to be filled back up with the everyday comings and goings that filled our pre-pandemic lives. Jobs, outside interest, socializing, and things associated with their children are less likely to be taking up our time now than they will be in the months and years to come. As I noted earlier, you do not want to look back on this period is one where you wasted an opportunity to strengthen the bonds of your marriage. The easiest and most direct way to do so would be to learn how to communicate with your spouse better. This means becoming a better listener, being more willing to share your thoughts, and taking the time to do so with your spouse.
Please do not assume the worst in your spouse and give them the benefit of the doubt.
So often, when we’re frustrated by the world or by our spouse’s actions, we tend to assume the worst about the other person. Instead of asking directly about a circumstance, we will think about another person’s intentions and do so in a way that puts them in the worst light. Rather than taking that someone had benign intentions or motivations behind an action, we will think they did something to spite or hurt us. From my experience as a human being, I would tell you that most people act out of negligence or carelessness much more than out of intentional action to hurt you.
I would recommend that you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt as much as you possibly can during this pandemic. Mike, they are worried about your children, their job, and a host of other issues associated with this pandemic. It is beneficial to walk a mile in their shoes and determine that they were likely acting in a way that was not intended to hurt you or slight you in any way. I’m not telling you to let your spouse walk all over you, but I am telling you to extend a little bit of grace to them at this time.
A way that I think you can do this would be to start a project with your spouse and work on that project together. Sometimes problem-solving with your spouse can allow you to gain a window into their thinking and help you understand why they did or did not do something in your home. I like the idea of building a budget with your spouse so that you all can get on the same page with your finances. This accomplishes two objectives. The first objective is to work on something challenging with your spouse and improve your lines of communication. The second benefit to budgeting with your spouse is that you can begin to get your finances in order if you have not already done so.
When you talk to marriage counselors or divorce attorneys, they will tell you that finances are the root cause of many marital problems and divorces. With that being said, it will be wise to see if you can kill two birds with one stone and work out marital problems and financial problems in one problem-solving journey. If your finances are a dragon that you can stay together with your spouse, imagine the possibilities for you all as you begin to take on life towards the end of this pandemic.
Take better care of yourself, and you will take better care of your marriage.
Finally, I would recommend that you take concrete steps to improve your health. The strange part about this pandemic is that, although comorbidities Play a huge role in determining who is seriously impacted by the virus, very little attention has been paid to what we can do to improve our health during this time. We have received a great deal of information about social distancing and things of that nature but very little about how to exercise safely or go about losing weight and things of that nature.
However, just like everything else we have talked about today, you can take steps to improve your health situation by exercising, eating right, and doing the basic things that we should all be doing regularly to decrease the likelihood that we get sick. Likewise, if you can take steps to improve your health, you will be more likely to have the energy in the time necessary to keep your marriage intact, even if it is going through a rough patch. We all know that difficult times in our lives call for a great deal of attention to our health. My point is that if you can take care of your health, that allows you to take care of other areas of your life. On the other hand, if you cannot take care of your health, you have very little room to take care of these other very important areas of your life, such as your marriage.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
if you have any questions about the material presented in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about Texas family law and about the services that our law office can provide to you and your family as clients of ours. Thank you for your time and consideration, and we look forward to you joining us tomorrow as we continue to share helpful information about the law and how it can impact your life.
Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.
Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.
His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.
Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.