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One of the most difficult issues that occurs in divorce cases relates to infidelity. Cheating in a marriage cuts to the core of the relationship itself. When you cannot trust your spouse then that presents a series of challenges in the relationship. Certainly, by not being able to trust your spouse you make a divorce much more likely. When we talk about cheating in a divorce that is something that needs to be taken very seriously.
Whether or not you and your spouse ultimately decide to get divorced is up to the two of you. Infidelity in a marriage does not automatically mean that a divorce is necessary. However, for many people in this situation, a divorce will come after cheating allegations are substantiated. Even suspicions regarding cheating may be enough to end the marriage. If this sounds like your situation then you have come to the right place.
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan helps clients who have been cheated on by their spouses. We know what it takes to help families make it through a difficult period like this. Our attorneys understand the challenges that your family faces and the remedies for those challenges. With that said, let’s walk through five signs that your spouse may be cheating on you.
Changes in the behavior of your spouse
When your spouse begins to display prominent changes in his behavior that may indicate he is cheating on you. Something as simple as your spouse being unwilling to allow you access to his cell phone may show that cheating is ongoing. For instance, you may remember a time when you picked up your spouse’s cell phone with no issues. You could use it to retrieve a phone number or even make a phone call. However, more recently your spouse has been much stealthier with how he uses his phone. He never leaves it sitting around in an open or public area.
Next, ask yourself if your spouse has been more private of late. Is he unwilling to provide you with details about where he goes in the evenings? Has his privacy gone to extreme lengths in recent days? If so, then this may also be a sign of his infidelity. Simple questions about his activities may lead to him becoming aggressive or angry. As a result, it is only natural to wonder about him cheating on you. An unwillingness to share basic information about his habits may show you that he has something to hide.
Finally, if your spouse seems distant physically then that may also be a sign that he has been unfaithful. There may be a rhythm to your relationship with your husband. If you have noticed that he has not been as physically welcoming of you then this may be the reason to suspect that he is cheating. Of course, you should do your best to try and substantiate any thoughts or concerns that you have. However, you should not ignore your instincts when it comes to this subject. If you believe that your spouse is cheating on you it is best to try and address the subject directly.
Unexplained expenses
Unfortunately, alongside physical infidelity is often found financial infidelity. This is the type of cheating that sees your spouse spin significant amounts of money on their significant other. This could involve hotel rooms, restaurant meals, gifts, and other expenditures. While other signs of cheating in the marriage may be more difficult to identify these are telltale signs. The key to discerning financial infidelity is being aware of your checking and savings accounts. You can learn a lot about your spouse and their activities by regularly reviewing your bank accounts.
Any unknown or unaccounted-for charges should be explored. Rather than speculating about what these expenses could be, why not contact your spouse directly? Usually, a person will have an explanation. If not, then that should be taken as a sign that he or she may be using community funds for a separate relationship. Large withdrawals of money from your jointly held bank accounts may be evidence of cheating. Those withdrawals could be then deposited into a separate bank account you don’t have access to.
Keeping track of these expenses is important. Even if you are unable to have your spouse admit to infidelity you should keep track of these expenses. Doing so is important from the standpoint of being able to help prove expenditures during the divorce. If you are interested in having those costs reimbursed then good record keeping is essential. Your record-keeping now will allow you to present clearer evidence in your divorce case.
Emotional distance
Emotional distance is a surefire way we want to determine whether cheating is ongoing. Many times, people cheat because they feel emotionally disconnected from their spouses. In other circumstances, your spouse may be cheating, and the physical relationship has turned into an emotional one. Whatever the case maybe you can look to emotional distance as a sign of cheating. True enough, emotional infidelity does not always lead to cheating. However, if your spouse is emotionally distant that is a good sign that something is wrong in the relationship.
The emotional distance being displayed by your spouse may be because of their needs being fulfilled elsewhere. For example, a new relationship tends to take up a lot of a person’s emotional bandwidth. When your spouse is cheating on you, he or she may have little need for your emotional feedback and attention. A spouse who used to be emotionally dependent on you may be much less interested now. When you notice signs like this it is time to determine whether cheating has become a factor in your marriage.
Attempt to talk to your spouse about the problems you are observing. This means that you can ask questions and wait for feedback. If your spouse is unwilling to even have a discussion, then that is a good sign of significant problems in your marriage. Many spouses are unwilling to discuss issues like this. Emotional distance does not mean that infidelity is ongoing. However, almost always when infidelity is ongoing there is some degree of emotional distance. Preparing for divorce means identifying traits like this early and making plans to deal with them directly.
Changes in appearance
One of the telltale signs of marital infidelity is a change in your spouse’s appearance. Admittedly, for you to pick up on this sign it would be critical for you to be aware of how your spouse usually appears. Some of us, admittedly, live such hectic day-to-day lives that we may not be able to recall what our spouse was to work the previous day. Other small changes like our spouse gaining weight, suffering a chipped tooth, or even losing their hair are not uncommon for people to fail to observe.
Having some level of awareness as far as your spouse’s appearance is important. That way you can compare how they look currently against their former self. Consider whether your spouse has recently purchased new clothes. If buying new clothes is common for your spouse, then at least look at whether or not different types of clothes are being purchased. You can review bank and credit card statements to determine if these types of purchases are being made.
Another way to judge by appearance is to look at the exercise habits of your spouse. For instance, if your spouse has taken a renewed interest in exercise then that may be a sign of something going on outside your marriage. While exercise is a good thing you should look at the reasons why exercise is being made a part of your spouse’s life. Ask him or her what their renewed interest in exercises is due to. Maybe you could go with him or her to the gym? If your spouse is hesitant about it, haven’t you joined them in a workout session then that may be a sign of infidelity in and of itself?
Spending more time online
Finally, the fifth potential sign of cheating in a marriage is spending more time online. Again, this would require you to have some basic level of knowledge regarding your spouse and their habits. For instance, if your spouse is someone who spends very little time online, but it’s showed an interest in social media of late that could be a worrying trend. Many marital affairs begin with social media use. You may be surprised to learn just how frequent former relationships or even high school friendships offer a pathway into cheating.
Currently, text messaging seems to be the most common way to communicate using technology. Your spouse may be texting people at odd times of the day or excessively. Talk to your spouse about their text messaging behavior. See what their response is. If something seems off, then it may be infidelity ongoing. You can also fall back on one of our prior signs of cheating. Seeing your spouse closely guard their technology and not allow you access is a sign of cheating in many cases.
Collecting evidence for divorce
Let’s say that you are convinced that your spouse has been cheating on you. The groundwork had been laid for years regarding a divorce. Now that you suspect your spouse of cheating it makes even more sense for you to go ahead and file for divorce. What you need to know is how to integrate infidelity into your divorce petition. Step one is to collect evidence of the infidelity. The available evidence in your case may vary. You can start by collecting phone records, bank transactions or even attempting to find social media evidence of the cheating. Whatever you can locate you should make available for yourself later on.
One of the major concerns people have as they approach their divorce is specifying adultery as a ground for divorce. Texas is a no-fault divorce state. This means that you do not have to assign a particular fault ground to the divorce for you to file. Simply arguing that discord or conflict in personalities has led to divorce is sufficient for your case to proceed. However, if there is evidence of a particular fault ground, he may cite that, as well. Doing so allows you to potentially receive a disproportionate share of your community estate and more favorable custody terms with your children.
However, a court requires that you provide evidence of the cheating. It is not enough to allege adultery in your petition but to provide no evidence. On top of having the necessary evidence you also need to be able to get the evidence into the record of your case. This may be a challenge considering it is possible to object to evidence on various grounds. For that reason, you should consider hiring an experienced family law attorney for your divorce. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations.
Attending a consultation with their family law attorney
Once you have gathered evidence of the infidelity you may choose to meet with an experienced family law attorney. Like anything else, having experience in family law matters when you select an attorney. Different types of attorneys may promote themselves as capable of handling your divorce. However, that does not mean you want this attorney to represent you in the divorce. Rather, seek out representation that has served others in similar positions as you.
Next, contact that attorney and seek out a consultation. For example, the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week. Additionally, we offer consultations in person, over the phone, and via video. No matter where you are our attorneys are here for you. If we have a charge consultation there are no strings attached. Additionally, these are consultations that occur in a low-pressure environment. Reach out to us to learn why so many have had confidence in the Law Office of Bryan Fagan over the years.
Meeting with an attorney to gain insight into your case is an important step to take. What comes next is up to you. If you believe that a divorce is necessary in your case, then filing the case makes sense. However, it is normal to have questions about the filing process. Where do you start? What do you need to file? How much does it cost? Were you to ask the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, here is what we would say about the filing for divorce process.
Filing for divorce in Texas
Filing for divorce in Texas follows a set of procedures related to your case. A divorce in Texas begins with an original divorce petition. This is a basic document that introduces the court to you and your family. Pertinent information about your marriage must be included in the petition. Identifying information for your minor children must also be included. Finally, the petition contains any relief you are requesting from the court.
This is where you can contain any allegation of adultery or infidelity. You would specify adultery as your fault ground for divorce. The petition does not need to include any evidence of the adultery. However, if you are requesting a disproportionate share of your community estate then you would need to specify this in your petition. It is later in the case that you would eventually need to provide evidence of the infidelity. However, at first, all you need is an allegation and requests for relief based on that fault ground.
Finding the court to file your case is the next step. A Texas family court has jurisdiction over your case once you or your spouse have lived in a specific county for at least the past 90 days and in Texas for the prior six months. Many of you reading this will have the same county of jurisdiction as your spouse. However, if you have resided apart from your spouse for an extended period then you may have an option as to where you can file your divorce. Any questions about where to file your case should be addressed to an attorney. Making a mistake in filing your divorce in the incorrect county can cost you time and money.
Final thoughts on cheating and divorce
If you believe that your spouse is being unfaithful then now is the time to act. Plan to go in one direction or the other. If you believe that counseling and therapy can help, then address that concern with your spouse. Talk to your spouse. If he or she will not admit to the cheating or is otherwise uncaring then a divorce may be in your best interests. When you find yourself in that position make up your mind to contact an attorney. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan thanks you for spending time with us today.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
