Marriage is difficult enough as it is without the added problems associated with the coronavirus pandemic. The pandemic is a difficult factor to assist because of two reasons. The first is the obvious health difficulties that this virus poses to all people and in particular to some groups of people. The other difficulty is associated with the social, economic and other ramifications that the virus has created in our lives. This is due not only two conditions directly related to the virus, but you are government's response to the pandemic and the economic slowdowns and shutdowns.
Many of you reading this blog post had marriages that were weather in trouble earlier this year or were headed towards that direction. The problems that you were experiencing in your marriage may have been related to a number of different subjects that have only become exacerbated as a result of the pandemic. As we move towards the 9th month of the pandemic in the United States we understand that the problems that we have in our lives cannot be solved by the government or other people. We need to take charge of our lives and better our situations no matter what is going on around us.
The truth of the matter is that we can blame a lot of the difficulties in our life on the pandemic in on the virus but at some point, this pandemic will come to an end. At that point, we will have our same lives to look at need to be honest with ourselves about what steps we took in order to benefit ourselves and our families. This is true even if those steps needed to have been taken during a time when it was not easy. Nobody is going to argue that the times we're living in right now are not the easiest, but it does offer a great deal of opportunity for our families to grow together and strengthen relationships that may have been in trouble.
Relationships 10 to improve or get worse overtime and not remain the same
the thing about relationships is that they do not stagnate overtime. Relationships either improve or get worse over long stretches of time. It can feel like our relationships are stuck in mud or are not changing one way or the other, but the reality is that your marriage, just like any other relationship, is they're getting better or getting worse. It is not fair to you or your spouse to assume that your marriage will be improving when you are not taking concrete steps to improve it. By the same token, it is fair to expect your marriage to be getting worse during this time or any other if you are not taking any steps to improve it.
When you put it that way, that your marriage is either improving or getting worse at all times, then a little bit more pressure exists to make the most of this time that you have with your spouse. These truly are extraordinary times no matter how trite that may sound after months of hearing it on the news, in television commercials and everywhere else. What you can do during this time period to improve your marriage is up to you in the circumstances that you find yourselves in. However, just about 100% of us can do something to improve the quality of her marriage during this pandemic.
What you can personally do to improve your marriage during this time should be at the top of your list of goals. All of us are concerned about our health and the health of our children during this pandemic. I'm not telling you to ignore concerns about anyone's health or to put anyone's health at risk. However, by this time we all know what the recommendations are from the government as far as how to keep one another safe. Those guidelines may change around the edge is somewhat overtime but for the most part we know how to keep one another safe. I'm willing to bet that very little will change in this regard from now until the time the pandemic ends.
With that said, we cannot use the excuse of the pandemic to prevent us from taking steps to improve our marriages. Obviously, if you are ill or if your spouse is ill then you should follow your doctors recommendations in that regard. However, for the rest of us there is little risk to our health or anyone else is to take steps towards ensuring that your marriage survives this pandemic. Going over the top with fear, anxiety and everything in between in response to the virus is foolish especially when you consider that there are very basic and simple things you can do to prevent illness associated with this virus.
The excuses that a person can come up with in regard to why he or she has not work to improve their marriage during this pandemic can be quite long. while those excuses may be valid in some regard my overall impression is that we need to focus on the things that we have direct control over instead of focusing our attention 100% on things we have no control over. I think you have a lot more control over the path of your marriage than you do on the path of a virus.
This means that you can and should engage in direct communication about your marriage with your spouse. This does not necessarily mean that you should be airing your grievances with him or her on an endless basis, but it does mean that you should share what your concerns are and how you view your marriage. You may be surprised to learn that your spouse views the circumstances of your marriage quite differently. As it stands, many people who have concerns about their marriages are letting this opportunity passed them by 2 create more open lines of communication. Truthfully, I can think of no better circumstance then right now to start to build those lines.
Keep in mind that once we are freer to move about and have less concerns about this virus our lives will begin to be filled back up with the normal comings and goings that filled our pre pandemic lives. Jobs, outside interest, socializing and things associated with their children are less likely to be taking up our time now then they will be in the months and years to come. As I noted earlier, you do not want to look back on this time period is 1 where you wasted an opportunity to strengthen the bonds of your marriage. The easiest and most direct way to do so would be too learn how to better communicate with your spouse. This means becoming a better listener and being more willing to share your thoughts and take the time to do so with your spouse.
Do not assume the worst in your spouse and give them the benefit of the doubt
So many times when we're frustrated by the world or by the actions of our spouse we tend to assume the worst about the other person. Instead of asking directly about a circumstance we will assume the intentions of another person and do so in a way that puts him or her in the worst light. Rather than assuming that someone had benign intentions or motivations behind an action we will think that he or she did something in order to spite us or hurt us. For my experience as a human being I would tell you that most people act out of negligence or carelessness much more than out of an intentional action to hurt you.
Basically, I would recommend that you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt as much as you possibly can during this pandemic. Mike you, he or she is worried about your children, their job and a host of other issues associated with this pandemic. It is beneficial to be able to walk a mile in their shoes and determine that he or she was likely acting in a way that was not intended to hurt you or slight you in any way. I'm not telling you to let your spouse walk all over you but I am telling you to extend a little bit of grace to him or her at this time.
A way that I think you can do this would be to start a project with your spouse and work on that project together. Sometimes problem solving with your spouse can allow you to gain a window into their thinking and help you to understand why he or she did or did not do something in your home. I like the idea of building a budget with your spouse so that you all can get on the same page with your finances. This accomplishes two objectives. The first objective is to work on something difficult with your spouse and improve your lines of communication. The second benefit to budgeting with your spouse is that you can begin to get your personal finances in order if you have not already done so.
When you talk to marriage counselors or divorce attorneys, they will both tell you that problems with finances are the root cause of many marital problems and divorces. With that being said, it will be wise to see if you can kill two birds with one stone and workout marital problems and financial problems in one problem solving journey. If your finances are a dragon that you can stay together with your spouse just imagine the possibilities for you all as you begin to take on life towards the end of this pandemic.
Take better care of yourself and you will take better care of your marriage
Finally, I would recommend that you take concrete steps to improving your own health. The strange part about this pandemic is that, although comorbidities Play a huge part in determining who is seriously impacted by the virus, very little attention has been paid to what we can do in order to improve our health during this time. We have received a great deal of information about social distancing and things of that nature but very little about how to exercise safely or go about losing weight, and things of that nature.
However, just like everything else we have talked about today you have the ability to take steps to improve your own health situation by exercising , eating right and doing the basic things that we should all be doing on a regular basis in order to decrease the likelihood that we get sick. likewise, if you can take steps to improve your health you will be more likely to have the energy in time necessary to keep your marriage intact even if it is going through a rough patch. We all know that difficult times in our lives call for a great deal of attention to be paid to our health. My point is that if you can take care of your health then that allows you to take care of other areas of your life. On the other hand, if you are unable to take care of your health than you very little room to take care of these other very important areas of your life such as your marriage.
Questions about the material contained in today's blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
if you have any questions about the material presented in today's blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about Texas family law and about the services that our law office can provide to you and your family as clients of ours. thank you for your time and consideration and we look forward to you joining us tomorrow as we continue to share useful information about the law and how it can impact your life.