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This year, I have spoken with several clients who are struggling with the painful reality of not wanting a divorce when their spouse does. Many conversations begin with statements like, Hi Bryan, I am here because my husband wants a divorce, but I do not believe in divorce, or my wife wants a divorce, refuses counseling, and will not reconsider. If you find yourself in this position, feeling blindsided and unsure what to do next, you are not alone. Keep reading for the 7 steps to take when your spouse wants a divorce in Texas, but you do not.
My husband is currently having an affair with another woman and says he does not love me anymore, but I know he does not mean it. We slept together yesterday, but now he has moved his girlfriend into the house. He refuses to go to counseling, but I am seeing a counselor by myself. What can I do? I do not want to get divorced, but my spouse does, and he has hired a divorce lawyer.”
You are Not Alone
It doesn’t matter whether you are a Husband or a Wife. You are not alone. I have had consults and represented husbands or wives going through a divorce when getting divorced is the last thing they wanted to do. Divorce often hits one of the parties going through it harder than the other. Here’s why you might consider reading about 7 Steps – When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce In Texas, but you don’t!
I believe this is partly because the person filing often has already had a chance to think it through, come to terms, and move on, whereas the other spouse may feel like it is coming out of nowhere. They are not the ones who initiated the divorce. Most of the time, I hear that they want to work on their marriage. The question they often ask me is “What can they do?”
Evaluate Your Situation
One of the first things you should do when your husband or wife wants a divorce but refuses counseling is figure out:
- What is going on? and
- Do you have any chance of saving your marriage?
- Did your spouse threaten divorce during an argument?
People often say things they don’t really mean during arguments. I judge people by what they do more than what they say. What are your spouse’s actions telling you?
If your spouse has:
- moved out of the house and/or
- has served you with divorce paperwork
These actions speak very loudly that they want a divorce.
Things can be more difficult when your spouse gives you mixed messages. For example:
- One day, they say they love you, but
- The next day, they are telling you they want a divorce or
- One day, they are threatening to move out of the house, and
- The next day they are going with you to your child’s doctor and acting like nothing ever happened.
All these actions by your spouses are playing havoc on your emotions, and you cannot figure out what you should do or what is going on.
What is going on?
One way to figure out if your spouse is serious about divorce is to ask. You want to know:
- What is your spouse thinking?
- What is your spouse feeling?
- Is your spouse having an affair?
- Does your spouse want to work on the marriage?
- Is there hope?
If your spouse:
- Refuses to talk to you about the marriage, or
- They are confused about what they want.
Your marriage is in trouble. The fact that divorce has been brought up is a sign of trouble and of issues that need to be addressed. Ignoring problems will not make them go away. Either of you can:
- Address them together by yourselves, or
- The two of you can try marriage counselling
How Can I Save My Marriage?
There are several ways to work on your marriage if you both are willing. Those include: Referring to 7 Steps – When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce In Texas, but you don’t!
- Marriage counseling
- Individual therapy
- Many churches offer their members free counselling.
- There are couples’ retreats that the two of you can attend.
- You can go on vacation and spend time together.
- There are hundreds of books written on the topic.
- Programs are available both online and offline that provide marriage advice.
- Some couples try taking a break from each other to see if that helps.
However, none of the above activities will work if you are the only one trying to make the marriage work.
| Step | Description |
| Marriage counseling | Seek professional counseling to address marital issues. |
| Individual therapy | Engage in therapy individually to work on personal issues affecting the marriage. |
| Church counseling | Many churches offer free counseling to their members. |
| Couples’ retreats | Attend retreats designed for couples to strengthen their relationship. |
| Vacation together | Spend quality time together on a vacation to reconnect. |
| Reading books | Read books written on marital advice and relationship improvement. |
| Online/offline programs | Participate in programs available online or offline that provide marriage advice. |
| Taking a break | Some couples try separating temporarily to reassess their relationship. |
It Takes Two to Make a Relationship Work
Something I have heard and believe to be true is “It takes two to make a relationship work”. At different times during a relationship, one person can carry the full load part-time. However, that load becomes very heavy if it is always present.
If your husband or wife wants a divorce and refuses counseling, then you should be concerned. A marriage is about uniting two people.
I had a professor once tell me, “You can change your own crazy behavior, but you cannot change the crazy behavior of other people.” It does not matter what you do, you can’t force someone to work on a marriage with you.
If your spouse has made up their mind to:
- Leave
- Refuses to try to work on the marriage
Such a marriage is not going to work.
What to Do When You Are Going Through the Divorce Process and Don’t Want One
So, your spouse wants a divorce, and you do not, and you have tried to change their mind but can’t, what can you do?
I have represented several clients who are involved in an organization called Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a program for families who have family members who should be in AA. One of the things that is taught in Al-Anon is a philosophy called “detachment with love.”
“Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives-the desire to control others.”
In other words: 7 Steps – When Your Spouse Wants a Divorce in Texas is a must-read
I think the best thing you can do is let go. It is not going to be an easy thing when you care about someone; it’s going to hurt. An author named Neil Gaiman wrote something I like about dealing with the loss of someone you love: “…You grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times, the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on… You are alive. So live”
You can’t force someone to:
- Love you.
- You cannot force someone to want to be married to you.
Something I tell people who consult with me regarding their spouse seeking a divorce when they don’t want one is, “In Texas, if your spouse wants a divorce, ultimately they can get a divorce. The only thing we can do is:
- Make the divorce take longer, and
- Make sure our client gets a “Just and Right Division of the Property” in the end.
- If there are children, make sure the children’s portion of the divorce is handled correctly.
The reality of divorce in Texas is that it does not matter if you:
- don’t want a divorce
- don’t believe in divorce
- if you think divorce will destroy my family
- if you think divorce is wrong
If your spouse wants a divorce ultimately, they will get one. Maybe you two will make it work sometime in the future. People do remarry. However, that may be a tomorrow that never comes.
Denial will not Help You
The first step in the divorce process is realize you have a problem. It is understandable that you may not want to get divorced, but ignoring your spouse’s actions will not help you or your family. One of the things I tell my clients is that “when the marriage is over, it is not about you and your spouse. It is about protecting yourself and your children.”
Conclusion
Hearing that your wife wants divorce refuses counseling can be one of the most painful and disorienting moments in a marriage. You may feel desperate to fix things while she seems unwilling to try. Although you cannot control your spouse’s decision, you can control how you respond. By staying calm, understanding your legal rights, and seeking guidance from experienced professionals, you can approach this situation with clarity and strength. Whether you explore mediation, attempt constructive dialogue, or begin preparing for the possibility of divorce, taking proactive steps now will help protect your emotional well-being and your future.
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Frequently Asked Questions
In Texas, one spouse cannot permanently stop a divorce simply by refusing to agree. Texas is a no-fault divorce state, which means your spouse does not need your permission to file. However, you do have the right to participate in the process, protect your interests, and ensure that property division, custody, and support issues are handled fairly.
Not necessarily. Moving out of the marital home can affect possession of the property and, in some cases, custody dynamics. Before making any major decisions about leaving the home, it is wise to consult with a family law attorney to understand the potential legal consequences.
Refusing to sign does not prevent the divorce from moving forward. If you do not respond after being properly served, the court may grant a default judgment. If you respond but do not agree with the terms, the case may proceed to negotiation, mediation, or trial.
You can protect your rights by responding to the divorce petition, gathering financial records, and seeking legal advice early. Even if you hope for reconciliation, it is important to understand issues involving property division, child custody, and support. Taking informed steps now ensures you are prepared, regardless of whether reconciliation or divorce becomes the final outcome.
