One of the most difficult parts of a divorce is that it is difficult to place any attention on what happens after your case comes to an end. In no other sort of legal case do people in your shoes eagerly anticipate the end of a case only to find out that they had not planned for what would occur when the case is over. From an attorney’s perspective, we as a team want to accomplish goals and focus on the task at hand. Looking past the end of the case can almost seem like cheating yourself during the case itself.
There is a whirlwind of emotions that you may go through in a divorce. Regret may be among the most important of those emotions. Are you doing the right thing by filing for divorce? What if the divorce adversely affects your children even after the case comes to an end? Regrets are somewhat normal to experience at the outset of a divorce. You are about to embark on a journey whose destination is known, but the path to get there can be full of potholes and bumps.
The question that we need to answer in today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan is: when should you worry about the regrets you are experiencing in the divorce? To go through a divorce and never experience any regrets is not the norm. However, if you are continuing to experience nagging regrets and doubts throughout your divorce that may be a sign of something more significant. We are going to talk about what those regrets could mean and how to calm yourself if you are prone to second-guessing yourself.,
At the end of our blog post if you have any questions about what we have talked about then please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. We can set up a free-of-charge consultation between you and one of our experienced family law attorneys six days a week. Having specific questions that may not be addressed here in this blog post means a consultation may be just what you need to have some clarity and peace of mind about which direction to move forward in.
Deciding whether to attend therapy
One of the points that many people miss about divorce is that just because the idea has crept into your head does not mean that you must follow through with a case. Rather, there are steps you can take to try to avoid getting a divorce in the first place. As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Meaning that if you can avoid having to go through a divorce then you can also avoid the potential regrets that come with the case.
The main question that we have to deal with, then, is how you can best avoid a divorce if you have legitimate issues in your marriage. Putting off a divorce if only to avoid regrets and other issues is not intelligent. Rather, you should only try to prevent the divorce if you have a plan on how to strengthen the marriage itself. How you decide to try and repair the broken bonds of your marriage is up to you.
Marriage and family counseling is a common and effective method for repairing these bonds of marriage. Much of the time, marriage and family counseling can get a bad rap from people who have either never engaged in it or have a bias against counseling in any situation. However, we have seen clients over the years attend counseling during a divorce and have been able to avoid the case altogether.
The degree to which counseling and therapy can be successful for your family depends a lot upon how committed you and your family are to the process. There is no doubt that counseling during a divorce can be a challenge no matter how you slice it. You may have years of mistrust, bad outcomes, and hurt feelings that have been wrapped up in your case. However, if you are concerned with exhausting every resource possible to avoid the divorce then counseling is one of the most direct and effective steps that you can take to do so.
Counseling it’s not about finding someone who is going to play referee for family disputes between you and your spouse. This is what many people assume marriage and family counseling ends up being. Marriage and family counseling ends up being a way for you and your spouse to try to learn additional techniques for communicating through the issues of your marriage.
If the two of you are having problems communicating because of your marriage, then marriage and family counseling may be just what you need to help you begin to work through those problems productively. This is not something that you need to necessarily have regrets over. Going to see a marriage or family therapist does not mean that you have failed your spouse or yourself in any way. None of us are born great communicators. This is especially true when it comes to the problems that you may be experiencing in a marriage. Rather, all of us, to one degree or another, need to be able to work on the problems in our relationships.
Marriage and family therapy can be obtained through your church, local support groups, private therapists, and through different avenues that may be available to you in your community. You can check with your health insurance provider to see what therapists are covered under your insurance. Performing some due diligence on therapists, asking around your community for recommendations, and then moving forward with the plan and an open mind towards resolving your marital problems through open and honest communication can be the ticket you need towards avoiding a divorce and the regrets that often come with it.
Not hiring an attorney
Hiring an experienced family law attorney is the best way for you to be able to achieve any number of goals that you may have set out for yourself. While you can proceed into a divorce without legal representation it certainly is not advisable. You would be hard-pressed to find any person who has gone through a divorce without an attorney who would recommend it as opposed to having one by your side. There is so much at stake in a divorce case that not being represented would put you at a significant disadvantage.
True enough, the reason why most people will forgo having an attorney for their divorce case is the simple truth that hiring an attorney does cost money. You may need to budget for having an attorney. Taking on a second job, working more hours at your current job, or deciding with friends or family oh maybe options when it comes to finding the cash to hire a lawyer. Whatever option you choose you must decide to not hire an attorney based on something intentional rather than falling into the decision accidentally.
As we mentioned a moment ago, you can proceed to a divorce without representation. However, to say that this would not be advisable is an understatement. One of the aspects of proceeding into a family law case without an attorney is that you are going to lose out on time. What do I mean by this? Time is something that you cannot get back no matter how hard you try to do so. When we talk about all the different resources that you can pour into a family law case, time is one that you cannot find more of somewhere else.
Rather, time is something you will need to be able to conserve as much of as possible from the outset of your case. For example, when you make mistakes in drafting documents you will need to go back, and we draft those documents again. This is something that will undeniably take up more time and can ultimately be a major problem for you in the context of your divorce. The problem with unnecessary delays in your framework case is that the more time that your case is taking the more likely you will be to make decisions that are not in your best interest. This can occur if you are trying to speed your case up due to a slow start.
What you can do to determine whether you would like to hire an attorney for your divorce is to reach out to experienced family law attorneys to determine what your options are and what it means to hyoid a lawyer for your case. Your idea of hiring an attorney may be completely different and then what the reality is. However, you will never come to find this out until you try to learn what it is like to work with a lawyer.
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. You can learn so much about yourself, your case, and the advantages of hiring an attorney for meeting with an attorney at our office. Not only do our attorneys have experience in representing clients throughout family law matters but we succeed both inside the courtroom and outside of it, as well.
Regrets on how you approach the divorce from the perspective of your children
Most of the time when you are going through and divorce with children your focus will be on the kids. However, it does happen that you may forget at times that what is in the best interest of your children may not be in your own best interests and vice versa. This means that an outcome that you want to see happen for your children may be something that is in your own best interests rather than in their best interests.
For example, you may be pushing to become the primary conservator of your children. However, you may not have stopped to think that you want to become a primary conservator so that you can see your children more and not have to pay child support. While these are two reasonable goals to have for a family law case, it may not be true that you are named as their primary conservator in their best interests.
How could this be the case? For starters, your co-parent may be the more experienced managing conservator as compared to you. This does not make you a bad parent by any means, but it could just reflect the reality that you are the parent who worked often whereas your co-parent was able to stay home and care for the children.
Acknowledging these realities does not mean that you are giving up on yourself or giving up on your children. Rather, what it means is that you are looking at the case from the perspective of your kids first rather than your own first. It could mean that you are interested in caring about your children first and foremost. It can be easy to say that you will pursue these types of goals but to pursue those goals once you get into the difficult stretches of a divorce case is another matter altogether.
Regrets for not paying closer attention toward the end of your case
It is easy to take your foot off the gas pedal at the end of a divorce. You have already been through so much in our probably feeling like the end of your case cannot get here soon enough. All the back and forth, arguing, and stress of the case probably have you feeling a little dispirited and ready for the case to be over with. With that said, even though these feelings are understandable it still does not justify you not paying close attention towards the end of your case.
One of the first places where this can occur is during mediation. Mediation allows a third-party mediator to become involved in your case and help you and your spouse settle sooner rather than later. The benefits of working with an experienced mediator are immeasurable. You may be able to gain a new understanding and insight from the mediator so that you can better understand your case and possibly avoid going to trial if you can avoid doing so.
From the perspective of a family law attorney, a major mistake that some attorneys and their clients can make at this stage of the case is simply coming into mediation unprepared. This can hurt your case in multiple ways. First, good negotiation depends on both parties being aware of their circumstances and prepared to discuss the issues intelligently. When you come into mediation unprepared that means that you and your spouse cannot discuss the issues of your case in a way that would create the possibility for a settlement. He or she will expect you to be on the same page as far as the facts of the case, if not your perspectives.
The next major issue that you can encounter when you come into mediation unprepared is that you are not able to understand the case very well as far as your ability to focus on goals. One of the most important parts of a divorce is to have goals and then develop a strategy for achieving those goals. This way you are taking advantage of every opportunity you have in a case so that you can have the best possible outcomes for you and your family. Mediation is a tremendous setting for being able to do this.
However, when you assume that everything will work out OK in the end and that there will not be any issues when it comes to completing your case and mediation then you are not doing yourself any favors. The fact is that parties can achieve great results in mediation but that is usually the result of planning and goal setting. When you do not think through the issues of your case very thoroughly it shows up in your preparation. You cannot arrive at mediation and pretend to have set goals for yourself when you have not.
Whatever your thoughts on divorce are if you are serious about putting your best foot forward in a case that means being able to proceed confidently and to take advantage of every opportunity presented to you in the case. This will almost surely mean that you have reduced the likelihood that you will have any regrets because of your divorce case. When you can have peace of mind and the knowledge that you have achieved all your goals in a divorce then you have the best of both worlds.
Questions about the material presented in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material presented in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family’s circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody lawsuit.