Benefits of Co parenting in Texas?

In recent years, certain words become so overused in the media that they begin to lose their impact. “Co-parenting” is one of those terms, especially in the realm of family law. Judges often reference it, and as family law attorneys, we frequently discuss it with clients. However, the term has been used so much that its true meaning can sometimes get lost. So, what does co-parenting really mean? How do you navigate co-parenting in real life? And, what are the actual benefits of co-parenting for your family? These are the important questions we will explore to give you a clearer understanding of co-parenting and how it can positively impact your life.

Essentially, co-parenting is nothing more than sharing the responsibilities of parenting your child with your ex-spouse. You would be working together with the mutual goal of doing what is in the best interests of your child. This is doing the same thing that you would have been doing had you remained married. Developing the skills for co-parenting isn’t always easy, but practice can help.

The tricky part about co-parenting is coordinating your efforts with a person you do not live with, do not see frequently, and likely have less than a good relationship. The irony of ending a relationship or a marriage that resulted in the birth of a child is that while your relationship and marriage may have ended, the essential part of your “partnership” is just beginning. Raising a child is the most important responsibility that you will ever have. Co-parenting can help both of you approach the situation in a child-centered and respectful manner.

Change can be good for your child, but….

If your marriage was failing and you could not devote the energy you needed towards your children, then your divorce, in many ways, is likely going to be a good thing in the long term. However, in a short time, it could cause problems in the immediate sense for your child. The family case has now eroded the stability of their life before your divorce. Now, you have a child who doesn’t fully comprehend why the divorce occurred and is uncertain about what to expect.

So, it is your job as the parent to ease your child into the changes that post-divorce life has created. Co-parenting can be a big part of that transition process. After a complex child custody or divorce case, you may not want to talk with or interact with your child’s other parent. That is understandable and how most people in your position would react to the same circumstances.

Keep in mind that your child will do best when they have a relationship with their mother and father. The knowledge that their parents support them can help your child transition into a new routine and out of a problematic past. Even though you and your ex-spouse no longer live together, you both can work together on the issues that affect your child. You do not need to do so for any reason other than the love of your child.

How to talk with your child’s other parent after a complex family law case

Anger, resentment, mistrust, and rage are just a few of the emotions that I have heard many parents express about their child’s other parent after a family law case. Especially in the period immediately following the family law case, you may have some very raw emotions that lead you to believe that you will never be able to interact with your former spouse or partner. I can tell you now that those feelings you are experiencing either fade or be numbed by the passage of time.

You must be able to set aside your differences- at least in front of your children. The chances of you being able to effectively co-parent your children when you fight in front of them or badmouth that parent when they are not around are near zero. Your children need to understand that you and your ex-spouse are on the same page when it comes to parenting.

Sometimes I have found that communicating via email or parenting websites like Our Family Wizard can be effective when face-to-face or over-the-phone communication does not work. You know your situation better than anyone, so if you think a phone call will result in hostility, do your best to communicate via email. Be careful of what you say, however. I have had many cases where text messages and emails that are not too pleasant end up in front of a judge. Before you ever send anything in writing to your ex-spouse, pretend that whatever you say will be shown to a judge. That will hopefully cause you to choose your words wisely.

Why you should not want to argue with your ex-spouse (especially in front of your kids)

If my prior warnings about arguments ending up as the basis for another family lawsuit weren’t enough to caution you towards not engaging in this way with your ex-spouse, consider the following reasons as to why you shouldn’t escalate any situation with your ex-spouse.

First of all, remember that your child comes from you and your spouse, 50/50. Often, when you hurt your ex-spouse or vice versa, your child feels the hurt as well. Your child may be in a mindset where they feel the need to protect you and your ex-spouse from any harm. When their parent causes that harm, this can be a very confusing situation for a child.

Your child’s self-esteem may be at an all-time low around the time of your divorce. Children develop an identity by first understanding where they come from and who their family is. You and your ex-spouse are the guides for doing so. If you continue to fight with one another, you are doing nothing to build up your children. A child’s self-worth is closely tied to their family and parents. By engaging in behavior like this, you harm their sense of value and well-being. Some degree of disagreements are inevitable after a divorce, but you should work with your ex-spouse to reduce these issues’ frequency.

Focus on your kids, not on each other

It has always struck me that a significant part of why ex-spouses often continue to fight after a divorce is because, beneath the resentment, there is still some lingering affection for the other person. I realize that you have focused on your spouse for an extended period during the family law case, but that is in the rearview mirror now.

What remains is a broken relationship and children who still need love and guidance. It’s essential to parent them to the best of your ability, regardless of the challenges. You have the excuse that you just had to go through a difficult divorce or child custody case is not valid. Your kids don’t ultimately care about that. They care that they are meeting their developmental milestones, doing well in school, and adapting to the expected changes in life that all kids experience. If you spend your time sniping at your ex-spouse, you are not helping your child in any of these areas.

Let bygones be bygones.

The fact that you are arguing with your ex-spouse about a relationship that is now over with is a massive waste of time. Not only that, it is an emotional vacuum cleaner. It sucks the emotion and the energy right out of you. All of that energy could have been utilized differently- towards raising your child, for example. Years from now, looking back on your relationships with your kids as they were growing up and feeling the regret that you could have done more for them had you not been devoting too much time and energy to re-litigating your failed relationship with their other parent. I don’t think that this would make you feel too good.

Keeping up with your kids is a good thing.

An inevitable part of co-parenting is that your children will not be with you all the time like they used to be. They will now be splitting time between your home and that of your ex-spouse. With that, you will find that they will develop separate routines that have nothing to do with you. They will develop relationships with people that have little to no influence on them. This can be a helpless feeling for many parents who, to that point, had been involved in every aspect of their child’s life.

What can you do to remain a part of your child’s life even when they are not with you? The simple answer is to choose to make an effort to communicate with your child’s other parent and to stay involved with what is happening when your child is with that parent. I understand that the other parent may not be as receptive to this idea as you are. However, many parents find that communicating with the other parent can get updates on how the child is doing even when they are not with them.

Just the facts, ma’am

If you can remove the emotion from the equation when discussing your children with their other parents, you can get a leg up on the co-parenting process. Divorce is, in many ways, a business transaction. You are best served by removing your personal feelings and evaluating a case as a businessperson would. Looking at what is best for your child and what is reasonable when dividing up assets is a winning formula for many people who go through a divorce.

You can apply the same mindset to co-parenting after your family case has come to a close. Approach interactions with your ex-spouse like you do with exchanges in the workplace. Imagine staying focused on the task at hand, without getting caught up in emotional discussions. By doing this, you can focus on the facts, make informed decisions, and prioritize what’s best for your kids, all while avoiding unnecessary arguments or the complications of your divorce.

Schedule a time to talk with the other parent once a week

This one can be tough not only because of the emotions that come with communicating with your ex-spouse but also because we are all busy these days. However, I have found that if you can carve out fifteen minutes each week to discuss the goings-on with your children, that will be a good thing. Problems with school work, a medication that your child started taking, or other details can be shared in this conversation.

In conclusion, understanding the true meaning and practical application of co-parenting can significantly improve family dynamics after a separation or divorce. The benefits of co-parenting, such as providing stability, promoting healthy communication, and ensuring that both parents remain actively involved in their children’s lives, cannot be overstated. By focusing on cooperation, respect, and the well-being of your children, co-parenting can lead to a more positive and supportive environment for all involved. Embracing these benefits of co-parenting will help you navigate the challenges of family law cases and build a stronger foundation for your children’s future.

Questions about co-parenting? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

If you have any questions about the material that we have shared with you today, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week here in our office. These consultations are an excellent opportunity to get an honest assessment of your case from an experienced attorney.

Our attorneys and staff take a great deal of pride in representing our clients in courts across southeast Texas. To learn more about our office or schedule a time to talk about your case, please contact us today. We are honored that you would choose to spend part of your day with us today reading our blog post. We hope to hear from you soon to share with you how our office can help you and your family.

If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”

If you want to know more about how to prepare, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “13 Dirty Tricks to Watch Out For in Your Texas Divorce, and How to Counter Them” Today!”

Frequently Asked Questions about Co-Parenting

What does co-parenting mean?

Co-parenting refers to the practice of two separated or divorced parents sharing the responsibilities of raising their child together. It involves collaborating, communicating, and making decisions that are in the best interest of the child.

What are examples of co-parenting?

Examples of co-parenting include jointly attending school events, coordinating schedules for visitation, making major decisions about the child’s education and healthcare together, and ensuring consistent rules and routines across both households.

What are examples of co-parenting?

The three types of co-parenting are parallel parenting, cooperative co-parenting, and collaborative co-parenting. Parallel parenting involves minimal communication and parallel decision-making. Cooperative co-parenting emphasizes open communication but not necessarily a close relationship. Collaborative co-parenting involves a more amicable relationship and shared decision-making.

What is co-parenting and how does it work?

Co-parenting is the practice of parents, who are no longer together, working together to raise their child. It works by maintaining clear communication, setting shared goals for the child’s well-being, creating a parenting plan that outlines responsibilities, and adapting to changes and challenges while prioritizing the child’s needs.

Bryan Joseph Fagan( Attorney )

Bryan Fagan, a native of Atascocita, Texas, is a dedicated family law attorney inspired by John Grisham’s “The Pelican Brief.” He is the first lawyer in his family, which includes two adopted brothers. Bryan’s commitment to family is personal and professional; he cared for his grandmother with Alzheimer’s while completing his degree and attended the South Texas College of Law at night.

Married with three children, Bryan’s personal experiences enrich his understanding of family dynamics, which is central to his legal practice. He specializes in family law, offering innovative and efficient legal services. A certified member of the College of the State Bar of Texas, Bryan is part of an elite group of legal professionals committed to ongoing education and high-level expertise.

His legal practice covers divorce, custody disputes, property disputes, adoption, paternity, and mediation. Bryan is also experienced in drafting marital property agreements. He leads a team dedicated to complex family law cases and protecting families from false CPS allegations.

Based in Houston, Bryan is active in the Houston Family Law Sector of the Houston Bar Association and various family law groups in Texas. His deep understanding of family values and his professional dedication make him a compassionate advocate for families navigating Texas family law.