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In my experience representing fathers in divorce and child custody cases, I’ve found that men often approach family law proceedings with different objectives compared to women. Many fathers feel at a disadvantage from the start and may set more modest goals than their spouse or the child’s mother. There’s a common belief that courts favor mothers in custody decisions, leading fathers to strive for equal custody time with their children. However, understanding the factors that influence custody decisions can help fathers improve their chances. Here are some tips to help a father get custody and navigate the legal process more effectively.
Debunking Parental Preference Myths
Let’s start today’s blog post with a discussion on this subject. The reality of a family law case is that Texas law is not ambiguous when it comes to judges favoring either mothers or fathers regarding determinations regarding their children. The Texas family code explicitly states that it treats men and women equally. Judges are not legally able to base their decisions on conservatorships, visitation, or possession based on whether or not one party is a man or one party is a woman. Instead, a judge must apply their best interests’ determination when making any decision regarding your child.
The best interest standard is almost universally applied throughout our country when courts make decisions regarding child custody. A judge can essentially assess what is in the best interests of that child from a health, well-being, and overall perspective. Once a judge prioritizes what is best for your children over the interests of any individual parent, they can make a decision in your case. A judge shouldn’t favor mothers or fathers solely based on their sex.
Understanding Judicial Discretion in Texas Family Law
On the other hand, Texas law allows judges to insert their discretion into your family court case without much problem. The state legislature wants judges to use their experiences when making decisions regarding your divorce or child custody case. If your claim reaches a judge, expect them to use the law and their personal experience to make decisions. Many people get upset about mothers supposedly getting the better end of the deal, while fathers are perceived to get the shorter end of the stick.
As family law attorneys, we hear about judges’ gossip and tendencies from other attorneys and other people in the family law community all the time. Certain judges have reputations for favoring one type of parent or another or having general dispositions against or for either men or women. Again, I must emphasize that there is more gossip than actual intelligence about how particular judges rule. For the most part, judges are so busy and have so little time to review matters regarding your case; it wouldn’t surprise me if sex or gender didn’t even enter into their minds in many cases.
Understanding the Role of Family Court Judges in Texas
The other central point that I need to get across to you today is that family court judges rarely make final decisions in Texas’s child custody or divorce cases. This is true since most people involved in these cases settle their cases before a trial is necessary. This means that you and your spouse or co-parent are more likely to be the persons who determine your case’s outcomes rather than a judge. Planning your whole point around a divorce or child custody trial is not necessarily the most efficient way to arrive at decisions that are in the best interests of your children.
Due to the unlikely nature of a divorce or child custody trial in your case, you are better off preparing to mediate your case successfully with your opposing party. This does not mean that you should neglect preparation for a trial but what it means is that the work you do for mediation in the experience you gain in negotiating through mediation will be its way of preparing for a trial. It is also my experience that parents can better reach far more equitable outcomes in mediation than in a courtroom.
What does “play to win” mean in a divorce or child custody case?
Now that we have discussed some preliminary matters regarding child custody and divorce cases, we can dig into the topic of today’s blog post. If you are a father involved in a family log-related scenario, you have likely run into some of the stereotypes I mentioned at the outset of today’s blog post. You may be sitting reading this blog post thinking to yourself that the best you can do is to ask for a standard amount of possession for fathers and child support based on the tables contained in the Texas family code.
Empowering Fathers in Family Law: Playing to Win Your Case
I tell you that fathers do not have to take a backseat to mothers and important questions regarding their children. While the law may, on its face, be entirely fair for mothers and fathers, we know from living life in the real world that is not always how things shake out. Life treats different people in different ways, and fairness is not always a part of that discussion. I am not here to tell you that your experience in a family law court or within a family law case or feel entirely fair from start to finish. However, I am here to tell you that you, as a father, must play to win your family law case.
Just what do I mean by play to win? If you are anything like me, then you are a sports fan to one degree or another. Playing to win means giving your best effort and preparing yourself for the best possible result. That can mean different things to different people in other circumstances. Playing to win is not as easy to measure in the world of family law as it is in athletics because there is no scoreboard in a family log case. Determining who is a winner and who is a loser in a family law case is a fool’s errand and is subject to the beliefs of any person who is looking at the point from the outside in.
Leveraging Your Parenting History
To me, if you are an involved diligent father who has always played a significant role in your child’s upbringing, that does not need to change just because you are going through a family law case. You should use your history as a good dad to help You build a strong case in your family law matter. You are going into a family law case assuming that you are playing for second best works just about as well as your favorite football team going into a game hoping to keep the score close. If you go in with that attitude, it will impact every decision you make within the case.
Start by being intentional about your goals.
From my perspective, you need to start by being intentional about your goals and goal setting within the family law case. Part of my reason for saying this is that if you act intentionally regarding your case, you are likely better able to visualize your topic and think more clearly about what steps you need to take to achieve those goals. This is something that we all should do more of, in my opinion, in our daily lives. Rather than drifting through a process aimlessly, why not take the time to create some concrete goals and act intentionally? This is true in many areas of life, just as it is in a family law case.
The other reason I believe you must be intentional when it comes to creating goals for yourself in your family while in the case is because you can rest assured that your opposing party will undoubtedly do so. Every moment you are not working on your case and creating goals for yourself regarding your children Is the time your spouse or co-parent is likely to spend on the issue from her perspective. Think about organizing, goal setting, and generally planning out the stages of your case as training for a sport or athletic event. You cannot expect to achieve success in your family law case without putting in the work. Again, your wife or Co-parent will outwork you if you allow her to do it.
Understanding the Role of Primary Conservatorship in Texas
What does being intentional mean when it comes to goal setting in a custody case? If you desire to be the parent with whom your children primarily reside, it’s important to understand that this role is referred to as a primary conservator in Texas. A primary conservator can spend more time with their children than the non-primary conservator and has a leg up regarding handling rights and duties for the children and receiving child support. I can also inform you that in most Family law cases, mothers are often named the primary conservator instead of fathers.
Hopefully, by this point in today’s blog post, you should have an inkling of why that is. This is not necessarily the case because mothers are better parents. This is not necessarily the case because mothers tend to spend more time with their kids than fathers. While both of these things may be true in individual cases, mothers often enter into a custody case to become primary conservators. They hold the assumption that this will be the case. Therefore, mothers have a concrete goal in place from the outset of the case and do not waiver on that goal despite any adversity that comes their way.
Assertive Fatherhood in Custody Cases
You, as a father, should not back down from your position during the case, either. Often, fathers will back off from positions they previously held to be more reasonable or cause less conflict in a case. You may be the most diligent and caring father in the world who spends a great deal of time with your children. However, this means nothing, or next to nothing, if you go into your family law case with a modest goal to have a standard possession order and no more time with your kids.
To wrap up today’s blog post, I want to make this clear: if you are a father who has spent as much time with your children as your wife, is committed to spending as much time as possible with them, and is in a position to become the primary conservator, you should absolutely push for that goal. If you want to know how a father can get custody, it starts with actively pursuing what’s best for your children.
Advocating for yourself in this way is not being overly aggressive; it’s about doing what’s best for your children. You’re not complicating matters or dragging your children through unnecessary conflict. If you truly believe that being named the primary conservator is in your children’s best interests, pursue that goal with determination. Playing to win means doing what’s best for your team—and your team is you and your kids.
Questions about the material shared in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free-of-charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about Texas family law and our law office’s services to our clients.
If you want to know more about what you can do, CLICK the button below to get your FREE E-book: “Child Custody E-Book.”
Other Articles you may be interested in:
- Can a Father Get 50 Percent Custody?
- How Father Lawyers in Texas Can Help Dads Win Custody Battles
- Can Fathers Win Child Custody in Texas?
- Child Custody Basics in Texas
- Are Dads at a Disadvantage when trying to win 50/50 custody in a Texas Divorce?
- Sole Managing Conservator in a Child Custody Case in Texas?
- Help!! My Ex-Spouse Kidnapped my Child
- How Much Will My Texas Child Custody Case Cost?
- When Can a Minor Child Weigh in on Custody Decisions in Texas?“
- Child Custody Geographic Restrictions in Texas
Frequently Asked Questions
Getting custody as a father in Texas can be challenging due to historical biases, but the legal system is evolving to promote gender equality.
To win primary custody in Texas, a father should demonstrate active involvement, stability, a safe living environment, and the ability to meet the child’s needs.
A father can be deemed unfit if there’s evidence of abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or a history of violence that endangers the child’s well-being.
Full custody, also known as sole managing conservatorship, may be granted if the other parent poses a danger to the child’s physical or emotional well-being.
Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC | Houston, Texas Child Custody Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC, routinely handles matters that affect children and families. If you have questions regarding child custody, it’s essential to speak with one of our Houston, TX, child custody lawyers right away to protect your rights.
