If You are ready to take the next step and move on with your life without
your spouse, one of the challenges ahead is how to tell your spouse you want a
divorce. Having “the I want a divorce conversation” can be awkward.
For many people, it is not an easy conversation, but it is an important
step in your journey ahead. Some people choose to break the news before
and others after they have talked to a
Houston divorce lawyer. Many people are unsure of:
- what they say or
- how they should say it
I have represented people who were the ones who had to break the news and
others who felt like the divorce bomb came out of nowhere. People told
me “things had been bad for a while but over Christmas he seemed
like a changed person I really thought things were turning around then…”
In either scenario, there is often pain. Is there a best way to tell your
spouse that you want a
5 Tips for Telling Your Spouse That You Want a Divorce
- Have a Conversation
- There is a time for everything
- Keep your Children out of It
- Choose your words & Avoid Fighting
- Consider including your Spouse in Decisions
Have a Conversation
Houston divorce lawyer, I have worked with clients who have felt like the divorce came out of
nowhere. No one looks forward to having an awkward conversation that could
result in an argument or cause pain.
However, sometimes difficult conversations are necessary. There are exceptions
if you believe that telling your spouse could result in danger to yourself
or your children. In such a case, you and your attorney can work out how
to let your spouse know.
Generally, it is a bad idea in most cases to handle this by:
- Walking out the door and never going back
- Breaking the news by getting your spouse served
- Sending a Text message, email, or letter
That does not mean you do not prepare for the divorce and protect yourself
prior to having the conversation. “You can read more on divorce
preparation in our blog article 6 things You Need to Know Before You File for
Divorce in Texas.”
You may think you are doing your spouse a favor by distancing yourself
from the relationship. However, from the conversations I have had most
of my clients did not see it that way. If you have made your decision
that you want a divorce, tell your spouse.
There is a time for everything
Do not rush telling your spouse you want a
divorce. It is a good idea to set aside some to break the news. DO NOT:
- Tell your spouse in front of the children
- When you are rushing out the door to work
- When there is a bunch of people around
Divorce may have been on your mind for months or years. This may be a surprise
to your spouse and they will need time react and process your news. If
the conversation is shortened because your spouse leaves that is fine.
You just need to be ready to give your spouse a conversation if that’s
what is needed.
Keep your Children Out of It
You should avoid having the
divorce conversation around your children. Your children may be an important reason for the
divorce. This however, does not mean you need to make them a part of the
This true even if your kids are adults. They might no longer technically
be children that does not mean you stop being a parent. You do not have
to bring them into the awkwardness of your divorce conversation or make
them feel like they must choose sides.
Choose your Words & Avoid Fighting
People have told me they are not sure what they should say to their spouse
to let them know. For some it has helped:
- To have talking points
- Some people Try to get straight others by leading up the point by saying
how you have noticed that we’ve been drifting apart.
- You may want to practice your conversation in advance
There is a good chance you will not have a perfect breakup which you sometimes
see in the movies. Even if you think your spouse will take it well there
is no guarantee.
You should consider your spouse’s point of view with what you are
about to say. How, would you feel or want to be told. Even though you
are telling your spouse you want a
divorce does not mean the conversation must turn into a fight.
Your spouse may want to discuss the situation, or argue about your conclusion
and want to reconsider. You should:
- Remain calm, even if your spouse wants to fight
- Do not blame your spouse
- Do not say purposely hurtful things to your spouse
- Do not try and push your spouse’s buttons
- Take responsibility
- Do not bring up or flaunt any new relationships you have
- Be honest do not lead your spouse on that there is hope if there is no hope
- Be prepared to call a time out if you need one
Let your spouse know you plan to be fair during
the divorce process. This conversation may set the tone for the entire divorce. If you say
things that scare or upset your spouse you should not be surprised if
the divorce escalates and becomes messy.
Consider including your Spouse in Decisions
It may not be possible to include your spouse in any of the decisions regarding
the divorce. However, in the cases I have handled where it has gone the
most smoothly the lines of communication remained open and the spouses
could talk about how they were going to:
- Pay bills
- divide property
- divide debts
- Handle visitation
decisions regarding the child
Once you’ve told your spouse you want a divorce, call your
Houston divorce lawyer so they can proceed with the
divorce process. Your lawyer can also help you determine the if you should move out of
your marital home, work out child custody arrangements, and discuss any
questions you have regarding property division.
If you want to know more about what you can do,
CLICK the button below to get your
“16 Steps to Help You Plan & Prepare for Your Texas Divorce”
Other Articles you may be interested in:
- Common Law Marriage and Texas Divorce Guide
- I Want a Texas Divorce but My Husband Doesn't: What can I do?
- Am I Married? - Marital Status in Texas
- Can I sue my spouse's mistress in Texas?
- When is, Cheating Considered Adultery in a Texas Divorce?
- 6 things You Need to Know Before You File for Divorce in Texas
Law Office of Bryan Fagan | Houston, Texas Divorce Lawyers
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan routinely handles matters that affect children
and families. If you have questions regarding
divorce, it's important to speak with one of our
Houston, TX Divorce Lawyers right away to protect your rights.
divorce lawyers in Houston TX are skilled at listening to your goals during this trying process and
developing a strategy to meet those goals.
Contact Law Office of Bryan Fagan by calling (281) 810-9760 or submit your contact information in our online
form. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan handles
Divorce cases in Houston, Texas, Cypress, Klein,
The Woodlands, the FM 1960 area, or surrounding areas, including
Fort Bend County and